Okay, so if right now you're at a place where you're feeling really disappointed, heartbroken, you know, things just haven't gone to plan for you whether you've recently been dumped, you know, in a long term relationship or you've ended a long term relationship. Maybe you've been ghosted by someone maybe had some really cool expectations about someone that you've been messaging, and that's all fallen to pieces, you know, so you're feeling you're in that place, we're feeling heartbroken, disappointed, and you're just like, where do I go? And what do I do, then this is the episode for you. I'm going to show you how to move past all of this. So it actually propels you into what it is that you want and doesn't keep you stuck experiencing this time and time again, I hear from women all the time where they're like, I'm back to square one. Again. This is gonna tell you how to get out of square one so you never end up back there again. Let's get into it now. Welcome to the loved up effect Podcast. I'm Emily Bucknell, you're dating and self love coach here to get you from single and feeling unloved, to completely loved up and in the relationship of your dreams. If you're a smart, successful, genuine woman who simply wants to have a loving relationship of your own butt no matter how much you want it or how hard you try, it just isn't happening for you, then you are in the right place. Not only am I here to answer your biggest and most frustrating questions when it comes to dating love and relationships in a way that no one else will. Inside this podcast, you're gonna learn exactly why Self Love is the fastest and most empowering way into your dream relationship. Welcome to the loved up effect. Let's get into today's episode. Hey, hey, okay, read been meaning to do this episode for quite a while. So I'm very excited to be here chatting about this right now. So if you have been recently or maybe not so recently dumped, you've just been ghosted. You know, you're feeling really heartbroken, disappointed, things haven't gone the way that you wanted them to, you know, whether it's the end of a long term relationship, or you just like haven't heard back from a guy, you know, that you saw a lot of potential with, then this is the episode for you, because I'm gonna give you a way forward out of what you're feeling right now. That isn't the usual, you know, often you hear that, like Time heals all wounds, you know, there's that kind of message out there. And I've done all of this stuff myself, may I add? Where it's like, just looks at your absolute hottest get out there, find someone new make the old dude jealous. You know, here's the stuff that you can do to fix, you know, that relationship to get them back. You know, this is so I have to say this, but I feel so lame. So this, but back in the day, oh my God, I feel so lame saying this, but I'm gonna say it. Because I know that some of like, there's a whole market here where I wanted to get an ex back and actually found some random course, you know, that I think was actually quite like a lot of people have done and I've mentioned this before, and people like oh my god, I did that same thing, where it's like text your ex back, like how to actually send messages that appeal to their reptilian brain or something and then they actually respond to you and then you get them back. That kind of thing. Um, we're talking not talking about any of that, because none of that is helpful. Like I've literally tried it all that whole texture expecting not helpful. I am actually going to show you how you can take where you're at right now. And 100% Yes, it freakin sucks. When things don't go your way, you know when you're feeling disappointed, but I'm going to show you how to take it and have it propel you forward. Rather than keeping you stuck experiencing the same kind of disappointment and heartbreak time and time and time again, where every relationship you have ends in the same way. And I know if you're listening to this podcast, you're probably stuck in the same kind of thing where you know, you may have had you know, a relationship and or someone not message you and kind of pull away all of that kind of stuff. And it just keeps happening. This what we're going to talk about today is how to stop this from like continually happening to you. First of all, I want to acknowledge that like I said, it does freakin suck when you're all excited about someone you know, you start imagining your future together how great it is that you finally have someone to take to your best friend's wedding in a couple of months to travel with that you finally have someone to take on the family holiday you know you're not the only person there without you know, a significant other and then it all falls apart. Whether it is like I said they pull away you and end things or you realize that they're just not the person for you. You know that dream either way. However the relationship ends whether it's your decision, their decision, whether they ghost you, you have an actual conversation. It's a long term relationship. It's not a relationship yet at all. That drain that whole dream that you have, it gets shattered and it feels like you're back to square one like Again, you know, and I hear that so often from women like, Here I am, again, why do I keep ending back here? So when you're at that point, and you're like, just Okay, no, here we go again, I've got to get over this, I've got to take those steps. Here's another relationship that hasn't gone the way that I wanted to, you know, what do you do from that point, the first thing that I want you to do your first thing way out of this is really feeling all the feels like getting real, letting yourself feel everything that you're feeling. And I know that, like, immediately, as I say that, there's gonna be some of you that are like, No, I'm not doing that, you know, it feels like you're gonna get swallowed up by the pain. And I know that that's a really common thing, or it's, I ain't going there, I don't want to feel all the sadness, and the grief and the disappointment, and maybe the anger and the resentment, and I don't want to feel all of those things, you know, and if you, there's that kind of sense that if you allow yourself to feel it all, then it's just going to absolutely swallow you up, and there's no getting out of it, what I want you to know that it's actually the opposite, it's actually the opposite. When you don't allow yourself to feel the emotions that you're feeling, you know, you push them down, you bottle them up, you know, you gotta habits may not be all that helpful, or ways of being or behaviors that aren't all that helpful to deal with emotion, you know, then that emotion is actually still there, it's gonna keep pulling you down, it's gonna keep you stuck until you really feel them. Because then actually feeling them, you open the door to release them. So when you don't take the time to do this, when you don't, when you're like, Okay, I don't want to go to the pain and the sadness, I don't want to feel like crap about myself, I don't want to feel crap about my life, I don't want to spend days crying, I don't want to feel the anger that I'm feeling, then what you do is you simply take that into your next relationship, you start to create those associations, where you think of love. And this all happens on the unconscious level. But these associations get created where you think of love, and it scares the absolute eff out of you. Because then you start to associate love and having a relationship with it's kind of pain with pain, not joy. You know, and as we talked about, in the previous series, that I did the Self Love Series, parts two, and three, I'll link them in the show notes, you know, then that's what you actually create more of, you know, your internal emotional, energetic state, and the beliefs that you have always gonna get reflected in your reality. I'm going to talk a little bit more about this in a second, you know, but I think it's really important to talk about that saying, time heals all wounds, like no, it doesn't, it's what you do with that time that matters. Like, yes, the pain that you feel consciously, like, over time, that pain that you feel consciously that you're consciously aware of, it lessens, you know, you start to get back into like regular, regular everyday routines, you start to kind of build a life without this person anymore, you know, you kind of live, you know, you get back to the routines of work, and it all starts to feel okay, you know, it feels like the emotion has lessened. But it's the emotion under the surface that really matters, the emotion that you're not consciously aware of. Like, it gets easier to slap that smile on your face, and just go about everyday life, you know, but that deep of pain, I really want you to understand is that that deeper pain is always going to be there, it's just pushed out of your awareness. And it's only going to reserve resurface in your next relationship. You know, so if you have these kinds of relationships, and they keep ending in the same sort of way, you know, you might have this situation ship that goes on for six months or something like that, you know, you're putting your absolute all into like trying to prove how amazing you are, and that you make the best partner and all of that kind of stuff. And they just pull further and further and further away until they ghost you. Or they say, you know, like we're getting on the same page.
That will just kind of keep continuing. And I hear from so many women all the time, you're like, Oh my God, this situation shifts, I can never find anybody that wants that kind of commitment. I get all excited about someone we don't actually have, you know, we've never had that kind of committed, or we committed our exclusive conversation. You get all invested in picture how things are going to be. And then it all comes crashing down only for it to happen again in the next relationship. And it's because you don't take the time to really get curious about the emotions that you have, and then clear them. You know, I really want you to understand that I'm not here to mess around. I'm not here, I'm here to get you into, like legit your dream relationship. Like your dream relationship. I'm not here to get you into a relationship. It's all about getting you into that next kind of relationship that you really want. And that isn't ever going to happen. And like, I want to make this really clear it ain't ever going to happen until you take the time to release like this repressed emotional baggage that we all have. No, we have all had stuff in our lives that haven't gone to plan. You know, ways that we've been disappointed things that we feel embarrassed about stuff we're holding on to from the past like we're resentment, you know, situations that have caused us all kinds of emotions. You know, stuff that's left us sad, grief stricken? You know, we all have this work to do, we all have this work to do. And this is exactly what we do inside step one of release yourself. I mean step one of the loved up effect, which is called release yourself. And I said this before, but it is an absolute non negotiable when you work with me, you know, and I used to have all this resistance around this, like, oh, no, I'm fine. I'm fine. I haven't had like big trauma in my life or anything like that I've had a great childhood, you know, things, I'm a happy positive kind of person, I have nothing to complain about. And what I realized is, it's a giant protection mechanism, because like I said, we don't generally want to face the pain that we've had. But if you are human, you have experienced pain. And the sooner that you face it, the sooner that you're actually able to release it. And the sooner you're able to step out of the crappy relationships that leave you disappointed, that leave you heartbroken that leave you sad, and into the one that you want. You know, I really believe that we don't want to face the pain. Because we don't know how to do it. Like, we don't know how to do it, even when I'm saying that, like, you've got to like look at the emotion and release it. Do you know how to do it, we don't have like, we're not generally equipped with these tools. It's not something that you learned in school, we don't know what to do with it, how to meet it, how to help it. Know, we think of those kinds of emotions. And it's like, whoa, awkward, awkward. So I did the most amazing parenting course earlier this year, it's actually called tuning into kids, which is essentially learning how to emotionally coach your children. And I think there's like this huge, like, there's so much research into, you know, emotional coaching and how powerful it is, especially for children to set them up. So they understand emotions, and they know how to deal with their emotions. And isn't as a millennial, isn't something that I have been taught, it isn't something that, you know, our generation were generally taught as kids let alone like, previous generations, either. You know, we are all that kind of, and it was so interesting doing this course, I was like, Oh my gosh, I didn't realize how I was kind of not appreciating the emotions my kids have, or helping them through it. It's like, you know, we do that kind of thing. Like don't feel the emotions, or in the face of a child crying, it's okay, don't cry, you'll be okay. There's no need to cry. No, or you try to distract them from making them upset. You give into the tantrums that they're having, rather than teaching them how to deal with those kinds of things with frustration, you know, and when you do those kinds of things, and it comes from a really loving place, but it was really eye opening to me where I was like, oh my god, I always doing that when they're crying like, it's okay, there's no need to cry, you know, but that's actually emotional bypassing or invalidation where it's like, no, I don't really get like, let sadness, let's not be sad, let's not be sad, you know, when it sends a message to them, that they shouldn't be feeling what they're feeling, or that it's easier to ignore it. And I think this is the thing that we've all kind of been brought up with, which is why I loved this course so much, because it really is equipping this whole generation of kids. You're understanding what their emotions are, that their emotions aren't scary, that it's not scary, to be angry or to be sad, or to be frustrated that it's all normal human emotions, and how to deal with them when they happen, how to meet yourself in that place, and say, Well, you know what? I know, and this is what my kids actually do no freaking epic. It's like, I'm feeling really angry, I'm gonna go over here and stomp my feet. You know, I'm feeling really sad. Just let me cry. You know, that kind of stuff is just I'm like getting chills talking about it. It's so insanely powerful. You know, so having done a lot of it, myself and my kids now, you know, I know that a lot of it comes when you're scared to kind of face the sort of emotions, like it comes from this feeling of like, you know, what the eff do I do with these emotions? You know, we haven't been taught how to effectively manage our emotions. You know, if a friend comes to you crying, you know, you're likely going to be doing all the things like Oh, it's okay. It's okay. And like trying to distract them by saying, Well, you know what this has happened in something like get them thinking about something else. So you're not in that kind of place with them. So when it comes to a breakup, you know, massive pain, where we go so when it comes to a breakup, and they're like, massive pain that we feel so often, where do we go, it's like to a bottle of wine, having cocktails out with your friends, you know, the old getting under someone else, tubs of ice cream, not eating, slapping a smile on your face and pretending like it's okay. And of course, some of that's okay, you know, who doesn't love a good night out with their friends, but it doesn't actually do anything to release the deeper emotions that you're feeling. It's all just like slapping a bandaid on them. So how do you actually do this? Like how you actually do this? And I hope you, I hope you're getting a sense of this because this has been like a big learning of one, even in the last year or so especially during that actually that pre the course through the preschool, really looking at like, we're not generally equipped to deal with the emotions that we have. So how do you actually do that? The first thing as always kind of writing the outline to this podcast episode, the first thing that I had to write down was like literally therapy, I went to see Gabby Bernstein live earlier this year. And she said, You know, everybody needs a good therapist. So there's nothing therapy, I think that's the thing we think therapy is like, for people who like have like serious mental health conditions, and all of that sort of thing. You know, I think there is this idea that there are people that have like, you know, big emotions, and mental health issues, and all of that kind of stuff, where we're all going through something because we're human, you know, so whether you have a therapist that you see regularly, or you have someone that you see every now and then when this big stuff happens, it's so insanely powerful to have someone help you manage what you're going through, to give you those strategies to help you clear out some of the stuff that you've been holding on to for however many years. Number two, is really facing how you're feeling first. So get really real about how you're feeling. get honest, let yourself be really honest about how you're genuinely genuinely feeling in the face of this disappointment. You know, this breakup, this heartbreak, all of that kind of stuff. So there are actually two tools inside, release your help release yourself, which help you pinpoint the exact emotions that you're feeling, whether it's anger, resentment, frustration, grief, overwhelm, hurt, pain, fear, anxiety, and shame. And from there, it's about using the actual tools. So there are, there's a library of 40 plus practices inside release yourself. That Help You like tools, practices, exercises, techniques, you know, and they spend six different modalities to help you actually release these emotions. This is how you actually heal the wounds, so that you don't keep taking them into your next relationships. And they don't keep playing out in the same disappointing heartbreaking way. I also want to say something about basic self care during the whole breakup period, because I know this is something that I struggled with massively. It sounds like I didn't shower anything. That's not actually true. As soon as I said that, I was like, that sounds like you were like, not showering and basic self care. Anyway, I know myself, like I like all the relationships I've ever had, I have been dumped in, I know how hard it is to like, eat properly, sleep properly, to drink enough water to exercise, you know, interact with people, all of that kind of stuff. But that stuff is essential. And it's so, so insanely important that you show up for you, you have to show up for you, you have to take the action that makes you feel like there is someone who cares about you, and that is you. So even if you're in that kind of like immediate post breakup period, where you're like, do, I can't even survive this, make your focus just those basic self care, basic self care, eating, sleeping, getting outside and going for a walk, interacting with people.
You know, I also know that that like just that basic self care thing, it becomes really hard, like I always used to find it so hard to eat properly. You know, when you've got all this emotion, you know, when you're just overwhelmed by emotion, which is another reason why it's so important that you get real about how you're feeling. And then you take steps daily, like this has to be a daily practice. It's a date non negotiable, Daily Practice for myself now, and for everybody that goes through the loved up effect, you know, is taking steps daily to support yourself emotionally. You know, I use all the tools inside release yourself myself, you know, to help me like even when you're not going through, like big emotional turmoil, you're not going through a breakup, you're not, you know, disappointed you're not really frustrated. You know, it keeps you at that higher vibrational place. So when things happen because they're always this is a whole nother point. But there are always going to be things in life that disappoint you, you're you're gonna be disappointed you're gonna have things not go your way. You know, relationships and even when you find the love of your life, you know, that happens for so many people, they find the love of like, someone's gonna die before you or the other way around, potentially. That's kind of a bit morbid, but I really want you to understand, like, once you have that, and there's that, you know, I've done that podcast episode two, I'll link that to the reality of relationships. You know, sometimes we have this idea that okay, when I finally have the relationship, everything that's it, we ride off into the sunset happily ever after forever. You know, there's always the ups and downs of life. But when you're actually showing up for yourself emotionally like every single day, supporting yourself emotionally, you could those way use, you know when things happen and they're not so great, you know exactly what you need to do to get yourself through them. Rather than being pulled down into like these lower vibrational place and staying there and anxiety, worry, fear, upset grief, like you know how you actually get the tools to manage your emotional state and your energetic state through those kinds of things. But when you're taking care of how you're feeling how you feel, and you're supporting yourself emotionally, then you're going to move through emotion so much faster, you're going to move through that whole breakup period so much faster, you're going to be taking action that is caring and supportive of you. And that sends like do not discount this, it sends the most powerful message to your unconscious mind that you matter that you matter that you're worth taking care of. And it's all this kind of action that sets you up for your future to be better. I can't emphasize this enough, like you stepping up for yourself in this way is insanely powerful. So the next step, like once you're feeling more regulated emotionally, so like, really, you know, if you're in that post breakup place, it's really about saying, Okay, what do I need to do here? What am I feeling? How can I release this? How can I support myself? How can I care for myself right now. And then once you're feeling a little bit more regulated, like the big emotion has been cleared, then it's all about looking deeper at that unconscious stuff, you know, the stuff that's happening in your unconscious mind, because the emotions we feel really are the results of the thoughts that we're having, which are result, the results of the programming in our unconscious mind. And this is how you set yourself up so that your next relationship isn't a repeat of the last one. No, I love that quote from Rumi, the wound is a place where the light enters you. Like pain is literally how we learn. That's both a good thing and a bad thing. A pain is literally how we learn. It's how we get pushed into taking different action. You know, it's supposed to hurt when we stick our hand on a hot stove, because that's how we know to move our hand away. And I get it, I get it, I get if you're in pain right now, like you're just in the depths of heartbreak, then you're probably a little bit like fu Emily, there isn't anything good about this. And I've felt that before. I have felt all of that before. But I want you to know and you'll get to the point where you see this if it's not right now you'll get to this point. You know, where you know that nothing inspires change, like pain. Nothing inspires change, like pain. You know, I went through relationship after relationship after relationship after relationship like, I'm always was always falling into these relationships with like, Ah, no, this will be okay kind of thing. Maybe this will be it with that deep knowing where I was like, this is not going to be it. You know, in two years later, I'd end up dumped super sad, all of that kind of thing. You know, and just to go with because I didn't know any of the stuff that I'm teaching you guys right now I didn't I wasn't aware of any of this. I was like, oh, no, no, this is just how things are, you know, and then I'm in another relationship and what in the same way? And then eventually, I know I've told my story before eventually got to this point where it's like, Dude, I gotta do something about this. So I like really went like, Okay, let me just Google everything I can possibly Google about how to find love, like online dating, where red dresses on first dates act like this during initiate contact, did all of those kinds of things, met the guy that I thought was like, totally the one I was like, he is so different. He's like, adult, legitimate adult car that he drives like, oh my gosh, really cool job, really caring and interested. And, you know, all the good things like a total family type guy, like one of the same things in life, lots of fun to be around, you know, and like I said, we went on this insanely like bachelor like holiday to Canada, horse riding through the Rocky Mountains, like it was ridiculous. And then going, we went to Hawaii on the way home when we get home. And then he goes to me. And that was like, you know, I'd gone from the highest of highs thinking like, Oh, finally it's my turn, and then like, boom. Okay, that was a painful, painful experience. But it finally pushed me to learn what I have now learned what I'm now sharing with you, which entirely transformed my entire life. Like what I'm teaching here, transformed my entire life. It's worked for like hundreds, the hundreds of women, you know, that have gone through the loved up effect in the last five years as well. You know, but I wouldn't have learned it if I didn't have that horribly painful breakup, you know, if I hadn't been ghosted in that way if I hadn't had the highest of highs and then the lowest of lows I wouldn't have paid attention. You know, I would didn't pay attention for 18 years just falling from one relationship to another relationship just being like, is it ever really gonna happen for me? You know, I had to experience that really low point and that serious pain to finally pay attention to finally pay attention and say, Okay, well, what's actually happening here? Now, what do I actually need to do? You know, how do I actually live with life? So I have the kind of relationship that I want. You know, so many women find me in that post breakup place, you know, where you're just at that place of pain, where you're like, Well, what the eff do I do right now, you know, where you're looking for that way forward. And that's what we create. You know, that's what the loved up effect is all about setting you up so you don't repeat more of the same so that you're able to create something new and ultimately have your dream relationship. Anyway, so back to your unconscious mind. So if you have the belief that like love is scary, it's not going to last, it's going to end in more heartbreak, then that's exactly what is going to happen for you. And then when it does happen, what your unconscious mind does is go ha see more evidence, more evidence that really proves this belief true. And it just becomes more and more ingrained, you know, your unconscious mind any of the beliefs that you have. So if you have that belief, if any of those things that I just said really resonated with you, and you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, that feels like I've got that. Then what I want you to know is your unconscious mind is designed to work for you those beliefs that you have, it will prove them right. It will prove them right. You know, that's what you're designed to do, is have those beliefs proved right. So if you think love is scary, it's not going to last, it's going to end in heartbreak, you will keep experiencing that time and time and time and time and time again, until you start to do the work to shift that belief. You know, it will have you so what how this all works is like, if you've got that belief, if you have that belief, then that's the thoughts that you're going to be thinking, you're going to be like this is going to end this is going to end this is going to end this is going to end. So whether you realize this or not the beliefs that you have, you know, that are in your unconscious mind, your unconscious mind is actually like Nick controls, like 95% of the action that you take. And it's all obviously it's unconscious, you're not actually aware that this is happening. But if you have those beliefs, like love is scary, it's not going to last, it's going to end in heartbreak, you know, then you're actually going to be taking action to make sure that that is what happens, you know, constantly picking the wrong guys saying yes to relationships that you know, aren't right for you. And then ultimately, they end this is exactly what I was doing. And it all happens without your conscious awareness. This is just if you've got those beliefs, and that you you know, as I said them, you're like, Yeah, that's me, then have a look like take a second right now and say, Okay, well, like look at the relationships that you've had, start to bring awareness to how they've played out to how that belief has played out in the action that you've been taking.
And then what we do post breakup is we give the whole thing meaning. You know, when we do this all the time, anything that happens to us, we give it meaning. And then we give it meaning based on what's happening in our unconscious mind based on that programming that we have. giving it meaning that aligns with the deeper beliefs that we have. So when a relationship ends, you know, just think when the relationship has ended. What are the meanings that you've given it? What are the stories that you're telling yourself about it? You know, that oh, my gosh, now this relationship has ended. Well, that's proof that love isn't possible. For me. That's proof that I stuffed up every relationship. That's proof that I'm not worthy of love. That's proof That love doesn't last that all men suck that I can't choose trust myself to choose the right person. I can't trust men. I'm unlucky in love. I'm destined to be alone and single forever. That was my last chance that love now it's all over. And then that is exactly what continues to play out. So really stop now too, and say like, what are you making that loss relationship mean? That you got ghosted? Because men don't love you, for whatever reason. Post breakup is the perfect time to start shifting these beliefs to start telling a new story. So you create an entirely new future for yourself and you break these patterns. So what do I mean by this? What are some empowering beliefs and stories that you can that will get you out of this place? And again, you may not be in a place where you're ready to take these in fully. And that's a okay. Like I said, You got to meet yourself where you are, if you're just like, overwhelmed by emotion right now. Really focus on clearing out that emotion and support Reading yourself and then come into this, come back to this. But some of the empowering beliefs and stories that you can start to tell yourself about the end of a relationship, you know, that are gonna help you start to create something different. Or things like this relationship clearly wasn't the right one for me. Otherwise it wouldn't have ended. And I say this all the time, to the women that are part of the loved up effect. Like make your very first thing that you look for in a relationship, is it that they want a relationship with you? You know, if they are someone that know you or that have gotten to know you even just a little bit, and they've said, No, you're not for me, then they're not the person that you want to have a relationship with. You want someone who just like, is desperate and dying to be with you who cannot be without you who's like, Dude, I want to commit to you. I want to have a life with you. That's what you want. So if there's someone who's like, no, I'm sorry, you're not for me. It's a freakin gift. Because you don't want someone in your life that can make that decision that sizes you up and says, No, not for me. And I think the other thing on it, it's like so and then we can take on this whole like, well, what's wrong with me? Why doesn't anybody want me? And I think this I found really helpful, this story is really starting to realize it not everybody in the world is going to love you. Just like you don't love everybody in the world, either. You know, there are plenty of men, you'd be like hell no to. And so it's okay. It's okay for people not to like you. It's okay. It's absolutely okay. It doesn't mean anything about you, it just means that they're not the people for you. You know, you don't want the whole world of men in your life. There's many, probably most of them, you'd be like, No, thank you. No, thank you. You know, so it's okay. If people say that to you, it doesn't mean anything about you. Doesn't mean anything about you. Another, another meaning that you can start to give to breakups, or when a relationship ends, is really starting to see it as a gift. And I know it can take time to get to that place. But start seeing it as a gift because now you have the space for the relationship that is right for you to come in. Because your dream relationship guy, you know, he wants all of you he wants like to take up space in your life. And he can't do that if you're connected to someone, or you're still in a relationship with someone who's like mediocre or lukewarm about you. Like See you later, lukewarm guy I want like the guy that's totally into me, you know, and he wants all the space, he needs that energetic space. Another empowering belief is really that what is meant for me will never pass you by. And this is more than a belief. Like, this is how the universe works. What is meant for you will never pass you by it will never pass you by. It will never pass you by what is meant for you will never pass you by another story or belief that you can start to take on Is it love is unlimited. And it is love is the most powerful force that ever was in the entire universe. Love is unlimited. It can happen anywhere, anytime. Just because it hasn't happened yet. Or it hasn't happened with this person. Doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean anything. I love this analogy. Somebody heard this ages ago and it just totally blew my mind at the time. I was like yes. You know, if you drive looking in the rearview mirror, you're going to crash. So if you look at all the ways relationships have ended in the past and all and you use that as like evidence of like, you know I'm running out of time or love is limited or it's not going to happen for me because look hasn't happened yet, then it's not going to forget your frickin past Forget the past really step into this feeling. And this knowing that love is unlimited, it can happen anywhere anytime. Another belief to take on that relationships I have only get better and better and better and better. You know, I love epic one on one client. I have had you We talk all the time, you know, said she had a relationship and that she was really excited about you know, we talked a bit about like really reframing it because you can get into the place where it's like, oh my gosh, like how like he was the last amazing guy on Earth kind of thing. But what if he's just the open up? You know, what if he was the universe saying, Okay, what what do you like about him? He's a bit different, isn't he? He's like in the next level up off to you know, the people that you might have been dating, you know, but maybe he left your life or maybe he decided he wasn't ready for commitment or whatever it happens to be But what did you love about him, like really focus on all of those things, and say to the universe, I love all of these things, give me the next one. And know that they just like, and I'm sure even if you look at your dating past, even though I said, forget about it, take a quick peek at your dating pass, you'll see that the guys that you date, they get better and better and better and better. So the best is yet to come. My ultimate favorite belief is my dream, love isn't never inevitable. And it is, you have that desire to have love, you have that desire for that dream relationship. You know, you put that out there into the universe, you know, have the energy behind it, it's inevitable. If it wasn't meant for you, you wouldn't have the desire. Your dream, love is inevitable. And when you do this work with me, you're locking in. And then the last one that I want you to start to take on too is it's all happening for me. You know, I think so often when we have those disappointments in life, when things don't go the way that we planned, we can get really into that, like, I was very good at this back in the day, that victime kind of thing. Nowhere, this is more evidence of how hard done by I am, you know how life is so hard for me why things are so unfair, you know, you can really get into that place. And this was something that has helped me like I use this all the time myself, you know, whenever you hit a road bump, or a speed bump or a challenge or something doesn't go the way that you want it to, it's about reminding yourself that it is all happening for you. You know, you have that desire to have that dream relationship, the universe knows that the universe is like you Yeah, you can totally have that. But to have that dream relationship, you've got to become the version of you that has that that's ready for that kind of love. You're not even thinking. I've heard people use this analogy before. But you think of the people that win like millions of dollars meet like they win the lotto and just become millionaires overnight. And I forget what the percentages or something but like the vast majority of them, like lose the money within a couple of years, like it's all frickin gone. You know, and that's because they haven't become the people that can deal with that sort of thing. You know, they don't have the money management skills, they've never had millions of dollars before. So it all just kind of
gets spent on fun, which is great and all, but they don't, they're not at that place where they can handle that kind of money. You know, so I really want you to understand that every relationship that you're going through is teaching you something, it's teaching you something but you have to be paying attention to it. You have to be saying, Okay, well, what can I learn here? What can I do differently? What is this teaching me? What do I need to learn about myself? What do I need to appreciate about myself? What can I appreciate you a pre appreciate about the universe about love about life. And when you ask this, when you have this kind of belief behind you where it's like, it's all happening for me. You see it all as these kinds of steps towards what it is that you want, and you move through them so much faster. When you can say, Okay, well, this relationship was teaching me something, what was it? Perhaps it's what I'm telling you right now. And I'll write these all down in the show notes for you to use as affirmations. So I love a good affirmation, you know, and this is how you actually start to shift some of your beliefs. This is one of the practices that we actually have inside love yourself, which is step two of the loved up effect, you know, all about changing that programming of your unconscious minds. And affirmations is a way to do that. I remember, back in the day, when I first like heard about affirmations, I was like, oh, that sounds like something crazy people would do, why would you just like, repeat stuff to yourself. But it's how, like, if you want to shift the programming of your unconscious mind, it's all about repetition and consistency. So you know, get these affirmations happening, whatever one like really speaks to you, if it gives you that sense of, you know, I know a lot of these I found, you know, a lot of comfort in when you're going through this kind of disappointment. It's like, oh, is anything ever gonna turn around? You know, these will give you that kind of comfort these beliefs where it's like, okay, it's all happening. For me, it's all good, the relationships still happening, love is inevitable, all of that kind of thing. You know, it sets you up so you create something different. So feel free to use these affirmations. Like I said, you have to be using them consistently. And like it's all about the repetition. So if you find one that really resonates with you, like stick it up where you can see it, have it on your phone, a lot of people like to like post it notes on their mirrors, no reminders on your phone that comes up like every time you're at a red traffic light. He stopped at a traffic light. You know, remind yourself to say this all the time when the thoughts come up that are kind of counter to this. Remind yourself this is the new belief that I Want to take forward? Like I said, this does rely on repetition and consistently, you know, repeating them. And this is why the other practices inside love yourself is so insanely powerful because we bypass the need for this repetition and consistency and actually create these did change, like put these kinds of beliefs into your unconscious mind without needing to do that. So if you're interested in more information about love yourself in the other steps of the loved up effect, like send me a DM on Instagram, or email or whatever works for you, and I can give you some more information about that. And how to actually change your unconscious beliefs, apart from just using affirmations, so
and then from here, it's really about continuing this process. You know, this is both a good thing. It's an incredible thing, really. And I know even when I said, I'm like, Oh, I don't want to overwhelm you. But this is a continual, continual process, like, regardless of whether you're going through something like a breakup, or something where things haven't gone to plan. This is a continual process, everything that I teach is a continual process. It's why, like, the backbone of the loved up effect is really creating a daily practice for yourself, you know, looking at how it is you're feeling and supporting yourself, you know, whether it's through practices to release, you know, the energy that you're feeling, or to shift the beliefs that you have, or action that you need to take in your life, you know, to really embody these changes, these internal changes, but it's all about consistently taking care of how you're feel, now releasing the heavy emotions as they come up. And this gets easier and easier, especially the more that you do it. And the more comfortable that you become, you're now I'm at a point where it's like, oh, there's a hell of a lot of frustration coming up, I know what I need to do with that, you know, I'm not going to let this sit here, and I get become more and more frustrated, or I start taking it out on my family or my kids, or I'm just, you know, all of that kind of thing. It's like release it then and there. And it doesn't take much time as well. I think that's the other thing, a lot of people like, you know, feel. And that's fine. In some ways, I have some of that, I guess myself to where it's like an easy is ongoing process. And it's a daily practice. But it's not like a five hour thing that you have to do. You know, my daily practice is literally 10 minutes, 10 minutes a day. And it just sets you set, it sets you up. So your life just gets better and easier and better and easier. Until you get to this point, we're like, how is this so freakin incredible. It all comes from the daily practice, and making sure you're taking care of how you're feeling, releasing the heavy emotions and shifting those deeper beliefs. And then after that, it's really about taking steps to build this next stage of your life, you know, in a way that's truly supportive of you. And I won't go into too much to hear about what that actually involves, listen to part four of the Self Love Series. So I'll link that in the show notes below as well. Because that's really focused on the action part. But you really are inside this episode, I really wanted to focus on that emotional stuff that's there when a relationship ends, because it's just like, that's the big, I don't know why I'm picturing an anvil right now. But I'm like, you've got to clear that out. So you can actually move forward and take that action. So while you know the process that I've outlined here today, and what it entails, it's going to be different for everyone you know, because you have different emotions coming up, you know, you have, you know, so it means that they're going to be different practices that are going to be effective for you. What I want you to understand, though, that it is the same process for everybody. So getting really honest about how you're feeling, releasing that emotion and energy and then changing the programming of your unconscious mind. And that is going to set you up powerfully so that you create a future that's different from the one that you've had. So if you found this helpful, and know that if you're going through a breakup right now I am sending you so so so so so much love, but this is honestly like I wish I understood this back when I was going through the million of breakups that I have because I stayed stuck in so much emotion for so like years years stuck in these emotions. And this is just this is how to actually do it. So if you want some extra support or anything like that, feel free to reach out to me. But if you found this episode helpful, please please leave me a review. I love it more than anything hearing that the podcast and what you're learning here is actually helping you and then next week I'm gonna be doing a cool episode which is in some ways a follow on from this, what to do when you cannot let go of the ex or the guy where you're just like you How do I let him go? You're gonna want to listen to that episode because that was the other thing that I've struggled with badly and I've had a lot of questions about this. So I'm going to walk you through a process to do that where it's just like, I know he's not good for me. Or maybe you're like he was the love of my life, but he's not interested. How do I let this whole thing go? Make sure you tune in next week for that one.
