So welcome to what's actually going to be lost in this self love series. I know it was gonna be a five parter, but it's down to four. Because this episode covers the last part of what deep transformational self love is. And the question I get asked all the time, like, what action do I need to be taking? If I want to have my dream relationship, this is where we get the most stuck just like online dating and not getting anywhere. So get listening, because you're going to end this episode knowing exactly how to find the action that is going to work for you. That's going to get you into your dream relationship. Let's get into it now. Welcome to the loved up effect podcast. I'm Emily Bucknell, your dating and self love coach here to get you from single and feeling unloved, to completely loved up and in the relationship of your dreams. If you're a smart, successful, genuine woman who simply wants to have a loving relationship of your own, but no matter how much you want it or how hard you try, it just isn't happening for you, then you are in the right place. Not only am I here to answer your biggest and most frustrating questions when it comes to dating love and relationships in a way that no one else will. Inside this podcast, you're going to learn exactly why Self Love is the fastest and most empowering way into your dream relationship. Welcome to the loved up effect. Let's get into today's episode.
But I'm really hoping that now you have this powerful understanding this knowing in this sense, like that deep kind of sense. That's what really wanted what I wanted to turn on for you guys, that focusing on self love really is the fastest and the most empowering way into your dream relationship. You know that despite what mainstream dating advice would have you believe, you know, the key to finding love it isn't about what you look like, you know, your physical appearance isn't about interacting with men in a specific way. It isn't about having to online date play the game, it isn't about where you live, and how many single men are in the city that you live in. It isn't about how old you are what's on your online dating profile. And that really, when you focus on all of those things, as opposed to self love, like that's where when you get stuck where it is that you are right now, so not feeling very great about yourself, you're single, wondering if love is even actually possible for you. So as we talked about in this series, so far, what I mean by self love isn't just, you know, that kind of surface level self love that I think you know, is the big message out there, you know, thinking that you're a nice person taking care of your body, you know, working out drinking green juice, having long bubble bath, you know, nights out with friends, having hobbies and interests, all of that kind of stuff. You know, it's all really important but it's surface level stuff that actually won't create the kind of transformational change that you have to create right now if you want to have your absolute dream relationship. So the kind of self love that I'm talking about again is that deep transformational self love so the first step is really and this is release yourself inside the loved up effect the first step is becoming aware of and really taking care of how you feel. So releasing the heavy emotions you know that energy that right now is keeping you at a lower place vibrationally so you know is the universal law of state like the law of attraction the law of cause and effect the law of cause
karma, the law of vibration, you know, all really state in one way or another, you know that you get what you put out, you know the energy that you're putting out, it's what you attract back in. And if you're in that lower vibrational place like your energy is in that kind of frustration, desperation, despair, powerlessness, and you're feeling that way that it literally becomes impossible for that dream man to come into your life, then step two, is really going that next step deeper into your unconscious mind. So there's the least like taking a look at the beliefs that you have about yourself about love about life, about what's possible for you what you're picturing your future looking like right now, as well as how you actually see yourself, like how you see yourself. You know, as the you know, I remember I used to see myself as this, the person that everybody was pitying, you know, when you stay stuck in that place, and that's how you actually see yourself like, that's how your mind can't outperform how it is that you see yourself in your life is always going to be a reflection of that. So inside this program, I'm doing at the moment, myself, actually this incredible program, I was reminded of that amazing quote by Carl Jung, that sums up this better than, you know, I have a quote, this whole work that we do around your unconscious mind. And the quote is, until you make the unconscious conscious, it will rule your life, and you will call it fate. You know, that reality that you're experiencing right now, you know, where you're just constantly attracting the same kind of guys, or you're just constantly swiping and you're not attracting anybody at all, you know, all the relationships that you have. And in the same way, you're all of that kind of stuff. It seems like that's just the way things are, you know, that they're one of the really common ones I hear all the time, like, there's nobody left for me to date, it seems like fate, it seems like set in stone, it seems like there's nothing you can do about it seems like that's just the way it is. But it is actually just a reflection of what's happening in your unconscious mind. And when you change what's happening in your unconscious mind, then you change that reality that you're experiencing, you know, and all of a sudden, you know, if you think about that belief, there are no decent men left, all of a sudden, these guys just start popping up. And you're like, where you been? isn't magic when that happens. So today, we're getting into the last step. So step number three of the loved up effect, which is be yourself, this is the kind of like, bringing it all together into the action that you take, you know, the action that you take in your life, you know, because as per the universal law of inspired action, you know, you have to take real actionable inspired, inspired steps in order to have your dream relationship come into your life. Like you can't just kind of sit there on your couch day after day after day after day. And somehow it's going to happen, there is action that you have to take. And we're getting into how today, really getting into how to know what action that you need to take in order to have that dream relationship come into your life. So probably about 10 years ago, back when I discovered, like I was going through this whole process of discovering everything that I teach now. Like I said, I'd become kind of a recluse
now we're paying, you know, and starts to bring you more of those kinds of opportunities, and it just starts to create this incredible snowball. But again, back in the day, it was like a massive period of trial and error. For me, I was doing all kinds of different things, you know, but I knew at the core of it all, the action that I had to take had to be action that felt good and in light and in alignment with me, you know, because that is ultimate self love taking action, that is the best possible thing for you to be doing, like taking action and making decisions from that place. You know, so I focused solely, you know, I'm building a life that I loved, you know, where I wasn't doing things, just for the sake of doing them to fill in the time, or because somehow I knew that was going to lead me to the relationship that I wanted. And I think that this is where there's a subtle difference, but it can send you in one direction towards love, and keep you stuck where it is that you are, you know, where it's like, I'm actually doing this for myself, like put the whole relationship like when you start to focus on this action bit, it's like put the whole freakin relationship to the side, you're not doing this anymore. For the relationship, you're doing it for you. And when you go all in on you, when you start taking action that feels good to you, the relationship becomes a given like, so you don't even have to think about it. It's like put it to the side, and totally just focus on doing what feels good to you. And I get that that can feel really uncomfortable. Where it's like Uber now is it gonna happen if I'm not like, obsessing over thinking of Baba, Baba Baba. And this is why when you have access to all three steps of the loved up effect, it's so helpful when you're taking this kind of action, you have that resistance come up, it's all about going into the practices that you find inside release yourself, the practices that you find inside love yourself, you know, so first of all, clearing out that kind of emotion that lograr anxiety, frustration, worry, panic, overwhelm whatever it happens to be really clearing that emotion, then looking at what's happening in your unconscious mind. Underneath it, like perhaps your beliefs that are still there, it's like is it really going to happen.
I did was really just like, trying things out, you know, I was playing around with action that worked and that didn't, you know, and now actually having done been doing this work and helping other women for the last five years, you know, I've really come to understand, okay, this is how you uncover the action that works for you, like 100%, you follow this process, and you'll uncover the the action that you need to take to have your dream relationship. And again, I'm gonna say this a million times, I'm not here to tell you the specific action to take, you know, I'm not going to say, Okay, well, you need to take up a hobby on a Saturday, make some and find a new group of friends, like, you know, if your friends are taken, then go find a whole new group of single friends, I'm not going to say go try speed dating, get two friends to set you up, start going to the gym, you know, make sure you're out on a Saturday at the local farmers market, join a book club, like that stop, I can't tell you that that comes from your intuition. What I do, and this is what you'll find inside step three of the loved up effect be yourself is give you the ways to access your intuition, you know, and the steps that you need to take to build that self trust, trust, and that self confidence so that you take action on what your intuition is telling you to do.
You're all of those sorts of things, which are epic realizations. Because then what you do is you go back to steps one and two of the loved up effect. Release yourself in love yourself, and you do the work to shift that energy in those emotions and that those beliefs, those ways of seeing yourself, and then you're able to step past that fear.
First of all, and how we do this, so literally when you go through Be yourself. So this, again is step three of the loved up effect, you end up with a giant freakin list of like practical action to take in your life. And this is how we actually go about creating that for you. So the first thing we look at is your energetic being. So we go back to looking at your energetic being, which is literally the way that you're designed energetically. And this is different for everybody, like, you know, just like we're all unique, we all have different fingerprints, we all have, you know, a different energetic makeup. And there are four parts to this. And we dive into this using this, like really super simple, but insanely insightful process, that once you start to understand the four aspects of your energetic being, then you're literally able to pull up the action that you need to take in order to support yourself energetically. And then, you know, as you support yourself energetically, you're able to attract who you want into your life. So it's all about having a look at like the things that are having a negative impact on your energy in your life, you know, what you start need to start doing both to protect your energy and then bring your vibration up as well.
And then get yourself into step one of release of the loved up effect, release yourself.
It starts with you. So if you want to learn more about the loved up effect, working with me what your next steps might be for you from here, then make sure you click, I've got a link in the show notes.
Okey doke. So welcome to what is actually going to be the last episode in this series all about self love.
I was going to do make this like a five part. But I decided actually when I'm sort of outlining this episode, that four episodes really covers this, this really basic understanding of exactly how Self Love is the fastest and most powering way empowering way into your dream relationship. I also still have like the most epic list of questions from you guys that I want to answer. And I'm so excited to get into some of them. So even like next week, we're going to be talking about I'm doing a whole episode on what to do when you've been broken up with or you've broken up with someone you're in that kind of place where you're heartbroken disappointment, and what you can do to move past that or through that in the most powerful of ways. Another question that I get asked all the time, like how to actually let go of someone like you know, you have that kind of ex or someone that you just cannot stop thinking about, you know, you know, they're not good for you, but you just keep going they're going to be talking about confidence in dating, overcoming the fear of being alone, there's some really cool episodes coming up. Really excited to get into those two, but this episode is absolutely epic, really wanted to round out this series and self love about the action question. You know, this is a question that I get asked all the time about, like what action do I take to find love, you know, often we go to that online dating thing. So we'll be talking a little bit about that inside this episode. But really hoping now that in this series, and I've had some epic feedback from you guys, thank you so so much. I always love hearing for you from you. Don't forget to leave reviews as well.
of my time, like all my focus, like all my spare time, I was going to work and stuff like that, like meeting up with some friends and things. But my whole focus was like really trying to figure out what I teach out right now. You know, doing all the energy stuff, working to shift my unconscious mind, you know, taking on all these new ways and perspectives of seeing the world. I was like, deep into this whole thing. You know, and it got to this point where I was like, okay, so doing all this stuff, like I feel really incredible, but like, it hasn't actually translated into anything in my actual life. Like, where is he like it's supposed to, Isn't this supposed to kind of happen, and that's when it hit me. Like, it took me a while and I was kind of in this weird sort of state where I was like, Okay, I'm doing all this work. And I feel like I've got like a really good foundation, like, my energy is great. You know, from an energetic perspective, you know, I'm, like, emotionally regulated, all of that kind of stuff and feeling really high vibe. You know, I've been working on changing those beliefs, I feel like that's all kind of come together, but it's like, okay, but it hasn't actually changed my reality in a massive way yet in the way that I wanted to. And that's really when it hit me that I wasn't actually really living my life. You know, like this whole doing the inner work stuff meant that I'm kind of removed myself from my life in a way, you know, I wasn't actually living it, I was kind of on the sidelines going, Okay, this is like getting all the bits and pieces together. And so then this is when I made the decision. I was like, Okay, I think I actually have to put this into like, full on practice now. Like, not spend my time, you know, all weekend and every afternoon after work and night like figuring all of this stuff out. I
think I need to actually start living my life. So yeah, that's when I made this decision. Okay, time to take action, you know, and then obviously ask the question, okay, so like, well, what action Am I taking? Because, as you know, like mainstream dating advice Like just doing what you've been told to do what you think you have to do in order to find love, you know, have to online date be out and about go to gross, you know, the upmarket grocery stores or hardware stores or the gym or wherever else you think you need to be in order to meet the single guys. Like all of that sort of stuff, it doesn't actually help you find love. You know what it's gonna be this wasted time and energy that leaves you feeling soul destroyed leaves you feeling like crap about yourself, and that love will never happen for you, because you're taking all this action, and it's not actually getting you the results that I want what you want. In you, I've done all of that before, I'm like, I'm not going back to do all of that again. So the first thing I really want you to understand is that your dream relationship, that relationship that like is just your soul is crying out for that, when you have it, you're just going to feel so fulfilled and like, Yes, this is it, that relationship is totally and utterly unique to you, like completely unique to you, it's not going to be the same relationship that I have with my husband, the same relationship that your best friend has with her partner, the same relationship that your parents might have, whatever it happens to be, you know, there are relationships, like every relationship out there is different, just like we're all different. Everybody's relationships are different, you know, there are relationships where each people, each person, like really loves their into independence, you know, others where they want that, like just togetherness, you know, relationships, where there are defined roles when it comes to housework, raising kids, where they share it all, you know, relationships that are based on being silly, laughing, joking around, and others that are like, a bit more serious. And based on that, like deep kind of soul connection, you know, we're all different. And we want different things, when it comes to those relationships comes to that dream relationship. You know, I'm someone and I'm most definitely like my independence. But I also like having that kind of traditional mum role, while also working kind of a control freak there. You know, but I'd love to joke around, I love being located. And this is kind of what our relationship really is, like being outside working together, like all of that sort of thing. So just as your dream relationship is completely unique to you, I really want you to understand this, that the action or the steps that you need to take to have that relationship come into your life, they are unique to you, as well know, the exact same action that I took to find my husband, you know, going out with my work friends, you know, that isn't going to be the same action that you need to take as well. You know, the same principles are there, you know, so those principles, those steps inside, or the, yeah, the steps inside of the loved are perfect. Like they're all the same. But when it comes down to the practical action in your life, it's different for us all, you know, so like, back in the day, when I decided, Okay, I gotta take some action here. It really all came about, like I said, because I had this realization, like, I'm not living my life, like, I'm really not living my life, I'm kind of in this like, holding pattern waiting for this person to come into my life. You know, it was kind of not very exciting. It was like, okay, when this happens, then all you know, is saying that to myself all the time, like when I have the relationship, then I'll do these things, then I'll be happy, then I can travel then like all of this kind of stuff. So if you're saying that to all of those things that you're saying, like, when I have the relationship, then all you know, somebody actually had an awesome DM chat with someone a little while ago who was like, you know, I keep saying, when I have the partner, then I'll take my caravan and go traveling. When I have the partner, I'll I'll buy myself a puppy, you know? And it's like, no, no, no. And she had this big realization and she's like, I'm doing all of that now and it feels so friggin good. So any of that stuff that you're saying when I have the relationship then I'll do this, you know, I'll go out for breakfast on the weekends, I'll whatever it happens to be, do it. Now. This is your sign any of that stuff? Do it now. Do it now. You know, otherwise, like we talked about in one of the previous episodes in this series, you know, if you're not living as the you that has her dream like relationship, like you're not in that identity, you're not taking the action that she takes and you're stuck in the identity of you that doesn't have her dream relationship. And as long as you're stuck there, you ain't ever gonna have it. You This is where that kind of action piece comes in where it's like yeah, okay, it may feel uncomfortable but if you're picturing that dream relationship of yours and you're like, Ah, I cannot wait to go out this is something that used to like just light me up like nobody's business. But I'd be like I can't wait to have you know the partner to go out for breakfast with on the weekends like have a nice brunch and all of that kind of stuff. And I got to the point where it's like if I want to do that, if I'm waiting for that, why don't I go do that now so I got really good and really comfortable like taking myself out for breakfast. It was so much fun as well. Anyway, so I was at this point, I was just kind of existing. So I asked myself like and this is literally I kind of fumbled my way through this because I didn't have the loved up effect or anything like that. But I was like, Okay, well, how do I, what do I need to do? So I asked myself, Okay, well, what do I need to do to shake up this kind of rut that I'm in? What do I need to do to start feeling awesome to start feeling excited, you know, to start filling all of those good things about my life, like I'm really living it, you know, because clearly, you know, it was something that I needed to do. You know, it's something that we all have to do, it's a responsibility that you have living your life is to really live it like nobody's coming along to say, okay, hey, I'm here to help you live your life. Like, it's up to you to really make those kinds of conscious decisions and say, like, I am going to frig it, like, get all the goodness out of this life that I've been given, no, it's not going to magically happen until you start taking some kind of action. And it doesn't necessarily have to be big action. Like I said, one of the things that I started doing was like going out for breakfast by myself on the weekends. And the thing is that when you start taking these little steps forward, the universe meets you there it is, like,
And a lot of the work that we do inside Be yourself, which I'll get into like the specifics of how you actually decide or come across what action it is that you need to take. But part of this is also building that trust, trust in yourself and also trust in the universe, that when you focus totally on you, when you focus on the decisions that build you up that make you feel good. And the action that does that. Everything else like the quote says cliche and all but it's true, everything else falls into line.
And this is really the thing if you're if you're taking action. So going back to what I was talking about, if you're taking this kind of action, and you're saying, Oh yeah, I'm doing all these hobbies, because I really love them. But in the back of your mind, you're like I'm doing these so I can have the relationship, then that energy behind it is totally different. You're not doing it for you, you're doing it for the relationship, you have to be doing it 100% For you, otherwise, it's just going to be a waste of your time. Like the universe doesn't play around. It knows the energy that you're bringing to the action that you take and it has to be full on in alignment with you I cannot stress this enough. So ultimately, like I was as I said, I was kind of playing around doing all kinds of different bits and pieces and like okay, I've just got a I'm like really, I guess in a lot of ways like building this life that I absolutely loved. And ultimately I did get to a place where I call what I call sparkly A F like and it's so funny I always felt used to feel so I don't know kind of cliche I'm like loser is what I used to say like this is where I want you to get you got to get to this place where you feel sparkly A F like and you're just lit up excited. Joy for you like, Yes, I get to live my life. You know, that's where you need to be. That's the place that I want to get you to. You know, there's so many women who kind of have, you know, probably the same kind of, I guess perspective as me. And it's like even saying that, like, I feel a little bit ironically at myself being like sparkly, if like, that sounds so corny. But it's so funny when other people have that same kind of reaction. And then they get to the place like you go through the loved up and loved up effect, you get to that place where you literally feel that way. And it's so funny the amount of women that I ever heard from in the past five years, who are like, I feel that now I get what you mean. But it's this place where you're just seriously loving your life having the best time, you know, so that relationship, it's not that big, dark cloud, it's not that hole in your life, like your life is full, you feel full, like it's just seriously loving life. You know what it was when I got to that place? That then I had this little nudge that perhaps it was time to do something about dating, time to get yourself out there? And it was this nudge where I was like, Okay, well, maybe I'll get back into online dating. But I was coming back into online dating with an entirely different perspective, an entirely different attitude and entirely different energy, and an entirely different intention. You know, I never felt very comfortable dating, like I was a painfully shy child. So anything like dating, it was always like, Oh, how awkward how awkward. I didn't have a lot of confidence at all, you know, I felt unsure about like, what am I supposed to say? How am I supposed to act. So like I'm getting judged, and just the awkward and one of their silences. Like all of that kind of stuff. It really does show like that lack of self love. But now getting back into online dating from this place where I was, you know, I felt like I was now in a place where I could do something about all of that. So I got back onto Tinder, which was like, literally the only app back then. And I decided just to use it just to practice dating, like just practice dating, no expectations, the only intention just to get out there and practice dating so I could get comfortable doing it. And no joke, I had an absolute freakin blast. Like, it was so much fun. I was probably going on like two or three dates away. But really looking forward to them. Like I still had the kind of nerves in the oh, what's gonna happen sort of thing. But the more dates I went on, the more I was like, Okay, I cannot stuff this up. Like, I cannot stuff this up, worse comes to worse. And I used to say this to myself all the time, worse comes to worse. Like, it's a diabolical mess. But who cares? Like, I'll never see this person again. Doesn't really matter. And then I've got like, a fun story to tell at work. And we can all laugh about it. Like it's Nick. I think sometimes we have this like Do or Die kind of mentality when it comes to dating, but the lighter and more fun you can bring to it. And the more like, okay, like what's the worst that can happen? You know, and you start to be able to play and that energy of play is absolutely so insanely magnetic. You know, and I had these places when I was working in a big hospital in Sydney, and you know, my nurse friends at work. They were you they used to remark all the time. They're like, dude, Emily, you are absolutely killing it dating, you know, because like I said, I had all these dates, I was having so much fun. I was clearly having fun. I wasn't sold destroyed by any of it anymore. And it showed, like, I was literally enjoying myself. And I don't know if you can tell from my energy right now. But I'm like, Dude, I'm living it now. You know, and then a few weeks later, like, you know, and this, this is also I really want to say this too, is that even in all these dates, like most of them didn't go past like one or two days. And even if I didn't like I kind of enjoyed meeting someone, and it didn't go anywhere. It wasn't like it didn't matter. Like it absolutely didn't matter. And I was just like, Okay, well, next, who cares? I'm just out here practicing and having fun. And I'm loving where I am right now. So it's only a few weeks later that I'm out with the same work friends. And I meet this guy wearing cowboy boots. And the rest is history. You know, I'm that's when I met my husband. So what does this mean for you specifically? You know, because I know you're asking that question like, Okay, that's great for you, but like, what do I need to do? How do I know what I need to do? You know, what action do you need to take in order to have your dream relationship? How do you start uncovering that? You know, because I know it can seem like sort of overwhelming when I say like nobody else can tell you exactly what steps to take. It comes from you. And I know there's part of you that's like, Well, how do I know that is and this is where that self trust comes in. That's where that confidence come in, comes in. That's where that connection to your intuition comes in. You know, obviously what
You know, which is like absolutely essential, you have to be listening to your intuition, and taking action on what your intuition is telling you to do. And the thing here, and this is what we get into inside Be yourself. The thing is that when you follow your intuition, fear is always going to pop up, it's gonna pop up to stop you. What I want you to understand about this is that like right now, where you're at right now, that is your comfort zone, and you might be like, do the healing, comfortable at all, I am hating this, don't call it my conference.
Even if it isn't all that comfortable, where you are right now is where your unconscious mind wants you to be. Because it's predictable, and therefore it's safe. This is what we mean by comfort zone is where you feel safe right now where your unconscious mind feels safe. You know, the unknown is unknown. Outside Your Comfort Zone, it's unknown. And therefore your unconscious mind says Holy crap, Holy, Holy crow, that's unsafe. So I'm going to do anything in my power to keep you where you are right now. Which is really the purpose of fear. You know, and that often masks itself is self self sabotage, you know, where you meet the dream guy who isn't like anybody else you've ever met, ever, you know, and then all of a sudden, something pops up where you like, you start to kind of pull him apart, you start being super critical or picking fights, you know, you start like, trying to message him all the time, or whatever it happens to be, you fall into this kind of previous patterns, you know, and this often happens completely without your awareness. You know, because this kind of relationship that you have with him is way outside your comfort zone. It's way outside anything you've ever experienced before, you know, this might be an incredible guy that's really caring and cares about how you feel and is, you know, reliable, and all those things that you've never experienced before. And your unconscious mind is their guard, Warning, warning, warning warning, who knows where this is gonna go, like, holy moly. And that's where a lot of that fear comes up. And I know this is a really common one for so many people where it's like, what if this ends like this is better than anything I've ever had before. If this ends, the pain is going to be worse than I have ever experienced. And so you self sabotage ends the whole thing for yourself, that's your unconscious mind keeping you safe. So part of be yourself is all about figuring out for yourself, the difference between when your intuition is speaking to you and when it is your fear. You know, whether you get back into online dating, or you buy into all the stories about how horrible online dating is, you tell yourself there's no point like there is no point online dating, I'll stay here where I am not out there. And then you miss the opportunity to make connections with tons of new guys. Or what you can do in those moments is recognize that that's fear coming up. You become curious and you realize that you're scared of dating. No, you're scared that you're gonna be judged, you're scared, you're gonna have your heart broken again. You're scared you're gonna be disappointed you pick the wrong guy.
So we look at all aspects of your life, in all the work that we do inside by yourself, because it's all connected, like what you're doing in your career or your work life, it's gonna have an effect on your love life. You know, if you're hating work, you're getting really triggered by your boss or somebody that you work with, you know, that sends you into feeling like crap all day. Being there, you know, then that's gonna have a not so great effect on your love life to like, what you put out doesn't matter what aspect of your life is, what you put out is always going to be what you get back, we then look at how you spend your time, the habits that you have the people that you spend your time with, you know, so you start to get this actual list of action to start taking now that's going to get you closer to having your dream relationship, it might mean distinct distancing yourself from a friend that drags you down might mean exercising more, or perhaps less, it might be better sleep habits, less scrolling online, taking action to protect your energy before family events, where you know, you're gonna get asked all the dreaded questions about your love life. And then we do the same thing in relation to your core values. So we all have three to five core values that drive us, you know, we all have these. And when we're living our core values, that's when we feel the most fulfilled, happy, joyful, all those good things. So I'll take you through an epic practice to determine and then also anchor these in your physical body. So they become a guide to you. And then you know that you're taking action in alignment with those core values. And then we go through again, all aspects of your life, work career relationships, love, money, health, environment, and your purpose, and pull out where you're in alignment with your core values. And if you're not, then what action you need to take to be in alignment with your core values. We go back then and look more deeply at the you that has her dream relationship. So pulling out some incredible details here. You know, there's I think about 20 odd, really strategic questions, which again, will give you the most epic action list that you need to take to have your dream relationship, it might be simple things like starting your day in a different way. Yeah, eating a boiled egg instead of just having coffee, you know, saying no to things that you don't want to do, rather than people pleasing. You know, it may be wearing like the earrings that you really love, as opposed to not wearing them because you're scared of judgement of what people will say or think, you know, when we get into the deepest stuff, like the beliefs that you have, that you need to work on, you know, the how she makes decisions, all of this stuff. So you end up with his incredible list of action for yourself to take. So like I said to I took a ton of action, you're just to break out of the rut that I was in to get out of my comfort zone that I no longer wanted to be in. So there's also a whole module inside Be yourself. That's how to just break out of your comfort zone. Get out of that. Because no matter what if you take steps outside your comfort zone, you're stepping towards your dream relationship. You either get what you want, or you get the lesson that you need. And it's like just keep taking that action. I love that quote. I don't know why it's coming to me right now, but fail forward and fail fast. Like just get out there and start taking action that feels in alignment with you. So as soon as I said that, I was like it's not about just online dating, online dating, online dating, online dating, online dating. You know, if it's not working, you got to be like, Okay, this doesn't actually feel good, what feels good. Let that be your driver. Let self love be your driver. So Then once you have this all happening, like you've got this giant list, it ends up being a really big list a lot of it's super achievable. Like some of it is like the smallest stuff that has the most profound impact on your life. Like, literally, sometimes decluttering is the most powerful thing that you can do where it's like, I know, like, this is a weird example. And you'll be like, okay, but this is, this is what I mean, there's these tiny little shifts that you can make that just allow you to step forward in like, the biggest ways, like, this is what I mean, like, all aspects of your life are combined. So this is gonna sound random. And I don't even know why I'm telling the story, but I'm going to tell it because it's coming up. But I used to have, like, you know, how you put your kitchen utensils in like a thing to hold them? You know, because they don't all fit in the drawer, like the potato master always get stuck. Anyway, so I have had this one that somebody gave me and I hate it. It is so ugly, and annoying. And every time I look at it, I'm like, Oh, why do I have this thing? No, I've had it for years, like years, and only a couple of months ago, like and this is what I mean, it's the small things can have such a profound impact on your life. I like you know, I'm checking this thing out. And I just went to like Kmart down the road bought a like Varzi type thing that is the most beautiful blue color and put them in that it cost me like six bucks or something like that. And it's amazing. Every time I look at it, I'm like, that just feels so good. And it's like I spend a lot of time in the kitchen. And it's just like those sorts of little things where it's like, what would Emily who has her incredible life and what she wants? What would she do? You know, she's not holding on to like crap that she doesn't want that when you every time I looked at it, I'd be like, I hate that big. I just don't like that thing. It was like stainless steel with like holes in it. I don't know why just wasn't my vibe. But now when I look at it, I'm like, that's it, those kinds of little decisions when you start to make and you start with the small things where it's like what I have that if I'm in my dream relationship? Would I really be doing this? How would I be spending my time? What action would I be taking? What decision would I make right now? What would I be putting up with? What boundaries would I have in place? What would I say no to what would I say yes to this is the stuff and it may be as simple as changing something like the thing your your kitchen utensils are in. It may also be the big thing. But what I want you to understand it's this action that you take in all aspects of your life. No matter how big no matter how small, it's about, really, this is where the magic happens. So once you then get this all happening, so you've got this incredible list, and this is what we do. And so be yourself, you end up with this incredible list of like this is where I make decisions from this is the action that I need to take, this is what I need to start doing, this is what I need to start doing. Once you have that all happening and it starts to become really clear, then it's about establishing that really strong connection with your intuition and the universe, which really are one in the same, you know, falling back into this place of surrender. No, so you're no longer the one in charge. But you're taking action as it comes to you. You're not out there pushing and I'll do like an online dating, I'm on like I said online, so many people were stuck there online dating online dating online, dead on, if I just push hard, it's gonna work, it doesn't, that's when you end up at that place where you're like, I cannot keep going the way I am because you're fighting with life. And so part of this is like really a massive part of this is falling into that place of surrender, and taking action as it comes. Even if it doesn't seem like at all related to anything that you want. Like maybe changing the kitchen utensil thing like that. That is a stepping towards a direction if that's what your intuition is telling you to do, listen, those little things, because it's all moving you closer to your dream relationship. You know, I often explained surrender. And really this connection that you want to have with the universe, using my old restaurant analogy. Like you know, think of this like you don't go into a restaurant, you know, open the door, you then walk around the thingy and check where you're sitting and then show yourself to the table and then get up and then get yourself a glass of water you don't go into the like wine area and then bring a bottle back before you someone you don't then like write down your order and then take it to the kitchen and then walk in there and start like trying to make the food. You know if you did that, like what kind of experience do you have? I kind of regret the one. You may as well stay at home. You know you're not having the experience that you actually want. You know you're cutting that off from yourself. And this is the thing that I want you to understand. Like really start to see your life as like that experience. In a restaurant, like the universe, Live, Love, whatever you want to call it. It's like the it wants to deliver the absolute best to you just like the people in the restaurant, they're like you're here for the experience. Let us give you the experience. And that's what the universe wants to do for you as well. It's saying, Hey, dude, enjoy your freakin life, enjoy your life. Just take that next step in front of you. And I gotcha. Like, sit at the table, chat with your friends, order a nice bottle of wine, have some fun, and when it's ready, it will come. Like we know what you want. The universe knows what you want. It's more than clear what you want. Now it's up to you to let the universe deliver it to you. And I know I struggle with this like massively. And I know there's a lot of fellow control freaks or recovering control freaks listening to this podcast
also, then a lot of you know, I've talked about this a lot, you know, but just I've got it. I've got to make sure it happens myself if I can't. And I you know, I, for some reason, had a big belief for quite a while, like, you cannot rely on anybody but yourself. That was a big, like driving force, like I will make it happen. But all you do when you're coming at life from that place, you're stuck in the battle and the fighting and it's so hard and it's like you're pushing you know what up a hill and you're not getting anywhere. It's time to let that go. And this is what be yourself is all about letting that go and allowing the universe to deliver it to you. You know, and the hardest part of this like it's hard to master it. I like control freak me struggle with this for quite a while. It's hard to master because it involves a lot of trust, trusting yourself trusting the universe, trusting like a power that you can actually see. But when you get into this place, like when you're just chillin at the table of life with a glass of wine, having a great time. Then you finally let like the universe life God source, bringing exactly what you wanted to you. I love the quote from Eckhart Tolle, say yes to life and see how life suddenly starts working for you, rather than against you. I'll say that, again, because this was a life changing quote, for me. When you say yes to life, see how life starts suddenly working for you, rather than against you. So it's really from this place, when you start to connect in with your intuition. When you get that nudge to go back online dating, like I did to build up my confidence, you know, to become the me that was ready to meet my husband. Or maybe it's like to get back on there, have a crappy date with someone and then on the way home, you meet the guy you're meant to be with. This is how you have that knowledge to go to your cousin's housewarming, you think it's gonna be lame, but her roommate, her roommates, older brother's best friend, or whoever turns out to be amazing. This is how you have that kind of nudge to run back to your house on the way to work. Because you're not sure if you lock the front door, and then you end up on a later bus seat next to a guy who turns out to be absolutely awesome. There are an infinite number of ways for your dream relationship to come into your life. But in order for you to have it happen, you have to be taking action that's in alignment with you that feels good. That isn't the forcing the pushing the fighting life. It's not about taking action for the sake of action, because you're scared that if you stop swiping, then love will never happen for you. Yeah, that's another example big one of how fear keeps people stuck. You know, and you cannot control this. So don't even try speaking to the control freaks, do not even try to control how love comes into your life. Because you can't, you can't you don't control this. You know, you don't know no one knows how love is going to come into your life. But when you take this kind of action action that comes from your intuition, you know, when you start looking at your life as a whole, so it isn't just focused on dating, dating, dating, dating, dating, then you can know whatever action you're taking. So it's when you look at your life as a whole, you know, so it's not just focused on the dating, dating, dating, dating, that then you can start to realize and see what action you need to take. You know, even if it is just like cleaning out your wardrobe studying a course that you've always wanted to do. Getting a puppy changing jobs, finding a new place to live, going to a new restaurant up the road alone because you walk past it and you're like, oh, there's a special tonight. Nobody else wanted to come with you that happened. You know, it's these little things that you do every single day the little things the big things. It's when you're doing that, that you can no like guaranteed that you're taking the steps to make your dream love coming into your life. Absolute elute Lee inevitable, it becomes absolutely inevitable when you're taking this kind of action for you. So to end this episode in this series, I really want you just to start thinking about the action that you're taking in your love life right now, the action you're taking to find love. How does it make you feel. And if it doesn't feel good right now, then stop, stop. Because it's a waste of your time and energy. It's not getting you any closer. Online dating biggest example, biggest example, if you're just soul destroyed by it, then stop, stop, stop.
All the different ways that you can work with me feel free to send me a DM on Instagram. A lot of people do that and say, Okay, this is where I'm at, like, help me. Where do I go from here? This is what I have been doing. This is what I'm stuck experiencing? Where do I go and I can give you like that individual advice as well. So if you found this episode, this series, my podcast in general, helpful so far, then I would be absolutely beyond grateful. If you could leave me a review and let me know. I know a lot of people send me DM saying, oh my god, so helpful. But I'd love if he left me an official review. Because it honestly helps to get this podcast into the ears of more women who just like you, they need to hear this message. You know, women who right now are stuck with a whole lot of questions like What the eff do I do to find love? You know, they're looking for these answers. So know that when you leave a review, you're likely helping someone just like you get that kind of moment of like, Yes, finally, it's starting to make sense. So I'm sending you so much love so much light. I hope you've enjoyed this series. And then next week, we're getting back into questions. If you have any questions for me, if you're experiencing something and you're like, Oh, I think you should do a whole podcast episode that is going to help me. Then I also will have the link to the form below. You can fill it out and just you know it can be totally anonymous and say this is a question I have. Can you please answer it and help me? I'd be more than happy to do that. But yeah, lots of love light self love. Thank you for listening
