Woohoo. It's time for part number three of this series all about self love and exactly why Self Love is like the fastest and most empowering way into your dream relationship. Inside today's episode is one of my favorite top topics, talking about what's happening in your unconscious mind and how you create deep transformational self love there. This is an absolute game changer. If you're someone and you're like, nothing seems to be changing for you, you're stuck in the same kind of patterns, you might take a couple of steps forward and you end up back where you started single thinking, why am I back here? Then this episode was made for you because there is stuff happening in all of our unconscious minds. That's actually stopping you from having that dream relationship and exactly what it is that you want. Let's get into this episode now. Welcome to the loved up effect podcast. I'm Emily Bucknell you're dating and self love coach here to get you from single and feeling unloved, to completely loved up and in the relationship of your dreams. If you're a smart, successful, genuine woman who simply wants to have a loving relationship of your own, but no matter how much you want it or how hard you try, it just isn't happening for you, then you are in the right place. Not only am I here to answer your biggest and most frustrating questions when it comes to dating love and relationships in a way that no one else will. Inside this podcast, you're going to learn exactly why Self Love is the fastest and most empowering way into your dream relationship. Welcome to the loved up effect. Let's get into today's episode. So welcome to episode number three in this series that I'm doing over the next couple of weeks, all about self love. So in the last episode, I walked you through what step one is of creating that deep transformational self love, which is honestly the absolute key from going from that place of being single and feeling really unloved, to getting to that place where you feel loved up, and you have your dream relationship. So step one, which I took you through last week, you know, is really where self love starts, it's all about taking care of how you feel. And it's absolutely essential, because how you feel actually determines who and what you attract into your life. So when you're feeling like unloved, unseen, on valued, unhappy, like anxious about your future, you know, so often we think that, you know, finding the relationship is the thing that's going to turn it all around for us, you know, that's gonna finally have us feeling loved, valued, happy, excited about your future, all of that kind of thing. So all of our focus goes to like, oh my gosh, I have to find the relationship beyond a mission to find the relationship. So I can feel the way I want to feel when in fact, your focus actually needs to be not on finding the relationship, but really on taking care of how you feel, you know, releasing all those emotions and that energy of feeling unloved, unseen, unvalued, unhappy, all the odds, you know, all the worry, the anxiety, and really restoring yourself to that place where you feel loved, you feel happy, empowered, excited, and lit up, that has to happen first, like that happens has to happen. First, you need to feel that way first. You know, you need to be feeling that way most of the time. So that dream relationship can come into your life, you know, it ain't ever going to happen, it is never going to happen for you until you do this, you know, this is why, you know, release yourself and going through this process of releasing those that energy and that emotions. It's why it is step one, in my framework, my proven framework. And it's because this is literally the way you know, universal law. It's the way that life works. You know, the law of attraction that I talked about the laws of karma, you know, you get what you put out. So if you're putting out all this energy of I feel unloved or insane, you know, that's why you're attracting the men into your life that leave you feeling that way. You know, and I want to ask you that question like who are you more attracted to? You know, do you want to spend time with the men that are positive, happy, upbeat, excited by live laughing relaxed? For the guys that are like, super serious, uptight, anxious, you know, you just get that sense. Like, you're that achy, kind of they just want a relationship so badly. It's like, you know, their life depends on it. You know, who do you want to spend time with and this is all about starting to ask these kinds of questions and starting to bring awareness, you know, to the energy that you're putting out there. You know, your energy, your emotional state, you know, your emotions are literally your energy in motion. It determines who and what you attract into your life. And like I said, this is why release yourself is a first like non negotiable step when you work with me, really focusing on taking care of how you feel, learning how to uncover those those, that emotion and that energy that right now, like it's standing between you and having your dream relationship. So I also want to say before we get into, you know the nitty gritty of today's episode, if you want to learn more about release yourself and what this first step actually involves, and make sure you listen to the previous episode, I'll link it in the show notes. Oh, and make sure you've done the karma cleanse from that episode, as well. It's a tiny but very powerful sample of one of the 40 Plus practices that you'll find inside release yourself. And it's going to help you release that energy and the emotions that are keeping you stuck experiencing everything that you are right now in your love life. And you'll feel like an immediate shift with that, as well. Love, have loved hearing from you guys to let me know how you're feeling in just going through that karma cleanse. So anyway, in the previous episode, I also talked a bit about the unconscious mind and how the programming of our unconscious mind, it literally determines the reality that we live. And this is what we're going to be talking about today. And why having like self love programmed into your unconscious mind, you know, is how you actually create an entirely different future for yourself. That obviously includes the dream relationship. So if you're at that point, like really, when nothing is changing for you, you know, you're just stuck in the same kinds of patterns and nothing you do or try you like you just can never seem to break free. You know, you're attracting the same kind of men that like don't want kids and you do you know, the same kind of relationships were six months, and you're still like, Where do I stand with this person, you know, there might be the ex that you just cannot seem to let go of, you know, you see all your friends in epic relationships, getting married, starting families, and then you look at yourself, and you're like, oh, my gosh, I'm stuck in the same place. Like, my life looks exactly the same now as it did 10 years ago, you know, so you have all these doubts about whether you're actually going to have your dream relationship, whether it's possible for you. And if you're experiencing any of that than my beautiful girl, there is programming in your unconscious mind right now. So you're not actually aware of it, it's in your unconscious mind, it is unconscious, that's keeping you where you are. And it's stopping you from having that dream relationship come into your life. So most people don't understand or realize the power of the unconscious mind. Or that we have an unconscious mind at all, like it's unconscious after all. And like, everything that's happening in your unconscious like is your reality becomes your reality. So it just kind of feels like it's the way things are, you know, until you start to have these kinds of conversations until we start to bring awareness to it all, you know, which is what we're going to be doing here. You know, other other than that, it just seems like life is just doing its thing, you know, and this will kind of make more sense. If you're new to this whole conversation, this will start to make sense. So your unconscious mind, just to explain a little bit about your unconscious mind. It is essentially like your internal programming not unlike a computer or a phone, you know, there's a part that you see is a part that you see, like you pick up your phone to send a message or something like that, there's a bit that you see, like you see the little text box come up, you see the letters come up. And you know, that's the bit that you see. But to have that happen, there's all of this stuff that I do not understand all this stuff happening in the background. So you can see that and you press the buttons and it does what it does, and it sends it somehow, like magic. But there's all these stuff happening in the internal programming of your phone to make that happen. You know, it's kind of like if you think about it like an iceberg, there's the tip that you can actually see. And then there's like the whole massive bit beneath the ocean that you don't see, you know, and that is what's actually happening, the same thing is like, is true for your unconscious mind. There's a tiny little bit happening that we're actually aware of, like, literally it's like 5% of what's happening in our minds we're aware of, and the rest of it is coming from your unconscious mind, like your unconscious mind literally controls about 95% of your daily life without you actually realizing it. What I also want you to understand is that the programming of our unconscious minds, it's totally unique to us, you know, we all have different perspectives, perspectives, opinions, habits, ways of seeing the world. And really importantly, ways of seeing ourselves. This programming is generally generally formed between the ages of zero and seven, you know, where we're heavily influenced by our caregivers and the experiences that we're having, you know, and this is why, like my four year old son, like, easily 85 million questions a day, you know, he's at that place where he's trying to figure out how the world works, what's important, you know, what's valued, and therefore what he needs to do as well. Like he's trying to figure out like, how everything works. So he's asking all of these questions, you know, and even looking back, you know, on the middle trot, middle child, and I grew up, stereotypical,
I suppose, with massive me Little child syndrome, you know, a lot of this, like, you know, I'm not seeing heard kind of forgotten about middle child, you know, and I've had, like, it's taken me a while to see it, but I've had a lot of stuff come up, you know, in my own love life and relationships related to a lot of that same stuff, feeling unseen, unheard, insignificant, unvalued, it all has roots back then, you know, I'm even talking about this, like, even when I first started learning about all of this stuff in your unconscious mind, you know, I had a lot of this stuff come up, where I was like, oh, no, but I had this fabulous childhood. And it was amazing. And I didn't have any stuff. But we all have these kinds of things that then kind of play out, play out, play up, play out, because it's in our internal programming. So this programming in our unconscious mind, it literally determines how you think the way you feel, how you react to things, the habits that you have the action that you take, and therefore it determines the reality that you experience. So even just using that example, like that middle child syndrome that I had, where I felt unvalued and unseen, I have then gone through life, you know, finding all the evidence of the ways that I'm unvalued and unseen. This is what your unconscious mind does. So part of this program, also, programming also includes what you believe about yourself and the way that you see yourself. And this is the absolute deepest core of core of self love. Because what you believe about yourself, what you believe about your future, what you believe is possible for you, you know, the way that you see yourself, it literally becomes your reality, the reality that you live, you know, so if you don't truly believe that you can have a really loving, respectful, happy, easy love, like, it's like, that doesn't feel like it's possible for me, and it's not actually going to happen. You know, if you believe that you're not worthy of love as you are, like you think you have to lose the weight, you need to be more confident, less needy, less emotional, more chilled out more on your feminine energy, whatever it happens to be, then you're literally only going to attract the relationships, where you feel left, where you're left feeling like you aren't good enough, you know, the relationships where they end and you say, Oh, it was because I was too needy, I was too emotional, was because I was in my masculine energy, not my feminine energy, it was because I wasn't attractive enough. And he thought somebody else is more attractive. Like that stuff just plays out and plays out and plays out. So even as I'm talking now, I hope I know, unconsciously, your mind is gonna be like, Oh, look at all these examples of this, like, really just start to let your mind find examples of this, the way that you've had these beliefs, the patterns that you're experiencing in your love life, you know, and that they have this route in that programming that's happening in your unconscious mind. So going back to how you see yourself, like if you see yourself, you know, the general, the way that you see yourself the identity that you feel like you're in, if you see yourself as like an unattractive loser that can't get a decent date, who's horribly unlucky in love, who stuffs up every relationship that she has, then that is going to be exactly what you experience? No. So if you're not loving your reality, you're not loving what you're experiencing right now in your love life, then you have to start becoming aware of all of this stuff, you know, all this stuff that right now, up into this point has been really unconscious, like you haven't been aware of it. It's like the bottom bit of the iceberg. It's all about starting to bring this to your awareness. You know, what you believe about yourself, what you believe about your future, what you think is possible for you, you know, all that programming in your unconscious mind, and we have to change it, we have to start, you know, putting in programming that is self loving. Because until you do, you'll just stay stuck in the patterns that you're experiencing right now. But often what happens is that we blame our external circumstances, you know, so it may be that you see yourself as someone that, like I said, and I use that because this is exactly how I used to see myself an attractive loser that can't get a decent date, who's horribly unlucky in love stuffs up every relationship that she has, you know, that's how you see yourself, you know, the way that your unconscious mind works. It's not like, Oh, this is the identity that I'm in and therefore this is what I'm experiencing. What we tend to do is then say, Okay, well, the reason that I'm not actually finding love is because there aren't any single guys left. The dating scene is so awful. I live it. I live in somewhere where there aren't many single men, we look to the external to blame to find that kind of evidence of the fact that we're not experiencing what it is that we want. And yet this has nothing to do with any of that. When you change the programming of your unconscious mind. You know, it feels like magic. But all of that stuff that you're experiencing like in your external dating life, you know, the fact that you may feel like there are no decent men left. The dating scene is so awful. Online dating is horrible, whatever it is that you're saying you live somewhere with Nursing all men left, whatever or men don't want women like you or your whatever it happens to be, all of that stuff will change when you start changing that programming of your unconscious mind. So before we get into how to bring awareness to what's happening in your unconscious mind, and what this whole thing means that you do, I want to make it really clear that it is hard, it is hard going to change the programming of your unconscious mind, if you haven't first taken step one, like you haven't gone through, release yourself, which is step one of the loved up effect, you know, and you got still have that like heavy energy there like that, like I'm gonna say this like a million times, your first step non negotiable has to be really looking at the energy and the emotions that you're carrying. Right now, again, a lot of this stuff is unconscious as well. But really taking the time to bring awareness to all of that, and then take action daily and consistently to release that energy and then regulate your energy. So it's at a place where you can attract what you want into your life. You know, and I want you to understand that this has to be the first step because if you're feeling really anxious, you're feeling fearful, you know, then what I want you to understand is you're in a stress response, like fight flight, you know, your unconscious mind is going to be 1,000%, focusing on ensuring your survival. And that is it. And just to kind of use an example, there's a house down the road, it always scares the crap out of me. There's a house down the road, and it has his dog that always barks its head off behind the fence. Whenever you walk past Do you think I would learn by now, but I still get friggin scared every single time it happens. Know that dog is operating from a stress response like it thinks I'm a threat. So it's in that fight response. And even if I was to go up to that dog, which I'm not ever going to do, when it's barking heavy, even if I was to go up to that dog and be all kind and loving to it, speak nicely to it, try and pat it, it isn't going to stop barking very easily because it sees me as this threat. And the same thing goes for us. If you're feeling really worried, you're feeling anxious, you're feeling fearful, then you have to get out of that state first using all the tools inside release yourself. So that you're able to listen to the loving changes that you want to bring to your unconscious mind. Otherwise, it's just it's not going to go in, you're not going to be able to create that kind of deep change in terms of your internal programming that you really need to create, get the words out.
And honestly, I'm all about setting you up for success. And this is something that I've really noticed, particularly in the last year or so that you really have to restore your emotional or energetic state back to peace, calm and love, like as much as possible. So that then the work we do in step two inside love yourself, which is all about changing this internal programming of your unconscious mind, that becomes so much more effective and you create change so much faster. So hopefully that makes sense for you guys. And now getting to probably the big question that you may have is like how do you change the programming of your unconscious mind so that you break out of these patterns that you're stuck in, and that you can so that you can have your dream relationship? The first thing that we do inside love yourself is really getting clear about what your soul desires, like what that dream relationship actually is. And this is insanely important when it comes to your unconscious mind for two reasons. Number one being it means that when you kind of have your destination and you're like, Okay, well this is the kind of relationship that I want, this is a love that I want to experience, this is what I want my life to look like, then you can actually start to reverse engineer the programming that you need to have in order to create that reality. You know, like, if this is the kind of loving relationship that I want, then obviously I need to believe that I'm worthy of having that kind of loving relationship. Again, it's also important to remember that reality never lies. So what you're experiencing right now it's a product of your unconscious mind. And when you know what your destination is when you're like okay, this is the kind of relationship that I want, then it becomes clear, you know, all gap analysis, how your unconscious programming needs to change in order to get you there. And the second reason why it's so important to really get clear about what your soul desires is because right now I guarantee that like 99% of you are picturing a future for yourself that you don't actually want. Like that's what's going on in your unconscious mind. You know, your focus is actually going to what you don't want. What you need to understand about your unconscious mind is that it doesn't speak in words. It's not speaking in words like we speak it speaks in pictures and emotions and all of that kind of experiences. So when you're saying to yourself, Okay, I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. What happens is a picture will come into your mind of you alone. You know, like it doesn't get the Don't be It all it sees is like you alone and a hell of a lot of energy around it like there would be a lot like, I don't want to be like single alone cat lady in an apartment by myself in Kansas soup for one and nobody knows that I even exist. Like, that's often what we're picturing. And there's so much emotion around that because they feel like you really don't want to experience that. But that's literally what you're putting into motion like you're creating what it is that you don't want. So inside love yourself, this is step two of the loved up effect that we're talking about. There are a number of exercises that helps you get really clear about what you do want, you know what your soul desires. And again, good old mainstream dating advice would have you believe that this involves often, like I used to do this in the pasta, like that you need to be writing out like a shopping list of everything that your future partner is, you know, like, he has to be this tall, you know, with this kind of job with this kind of income, he has to be wearing shoes that look a certain way interested in things that I'm interested in fit, healthy loves. I don't know, Seinfeld, I don't know why that came up. But you get what I mean, getting really clear about the specific details of the person. This is the worst idea ever. Like if that's something that you have, if you've got the shopping list of who he has to be right now. Find it, rip it up into a million pieces is very second, because all that is doing is totally restricting how love can come into your life. I don't think there's anybody who I've worked with who like who hasn't said to me, oh my gosh, he's totally unexpected, you know, totally different from what what I would have imagined, but so much freakin better. And I want you to understand this, the universe is like, yeah, you can have your dream love. But the universe gets to decide the package that it comes in. And really, it's about when the package comes, it's like hell yes, this is it, it's even better than I expected. You know, the who and the how it ain't any of our business, leave that up to the universe. So what this means and what I mean, when it's like kind of connecting in with your soul desire and the relationship that you want, you know, it's really about connecting in with it and discovering what it is in terms of the actual relationship, the love the emotion that you want to feel in that relationship. That is the goal that you tap into none of this specific generici Like he has to look this way, kind of a thing. And I get you tapping into that using the first few exercises that we do inside love yourself in a way that also speaks to your unconscious mind. Again, because it doesn't speak in the way that we're speaking right now. It speaks in those pictures and the emotions. So once you have this soul desire clear, then there's a modality that I'm absolutely freaking obsessed with, called neural energetic encoding. And this actually involves going into your unconscious mind through a guided practice process that I take you through, and actually changing the way it's storing those visions of your future. So you literally take out the vision you have right now of say being alone, you know, crazy cat lady in your 60s and dressing gown, and nobody even knows that you exist, that whole thing, all those emotions around that. And replacing that with what it is you do want. So we literally put in a whole new vision for your future and tell your unconscious this is what's happening. Now. The other thing you need to understand about your unconscious mind is that you can't simply tell it to visualize something else for your future. And then it's done. Like if you try to use your conscious mind and say, Okay, this is what I want to create, you know, it takes awareness, like a hell of a lot of awareness, like you have to be aware of every time you're picturing the future that you don't want and then consciously change your focus to what it is that you do want. And the thing is, I think we think it in any given moment, or any given hour with thinking hundreds of 1000s of thoughts. You know, if you've ever tried meditating, you'll know that some days you have like, just, you know, thoughts are coming at you like nobody's business, you know, so these thoughts are happening all the time. And we don't have that level of awareness to be like, okay, every time it happens, I can actually change it. So you need to have that awareness and then also the repetition and consistency. Because this is all about like if you go at this from a conscious perspective, so like saying, Okay, I'm gonna change what's in my internal programming of my unconscious mind consciously, then it's all about repetition and consistency. And this is what a lot of kind of like manifestation coaches I suppose, or coaches out there rely on where it's like, okay, you know, every single day visualize your whole thing and really relying on that that's using your conscious mind and creating that new neural pathway but again, it it relies on repetition and consistency. So everything single day for like a couple of months getting up and having that visualization happening for you. These this practice neural energetic encoding bypasses that because we go straight into your unconscious mind and create change there, it bypasses the need for that repetition and consistency. And so it uses like a process and a script that speaks directly to your unconscious mind and creates change there in like 20 minutes, you know, you can literally change the future that you're seeing for yourself. So you're no longer going towards what it is that you don't want. And it sends his big old message to your unconscious mind, okay, we're changing directions, we're going towards that love, you know, and we'll start actually taking you down the path to your dream relationship, because your unconscious mind is geared to serve you, you tell it, this is where we're going, it's going to say, Okay, let I'm there, I'll do it, I'll find the evidence that you need, let's I'll get the opportunities, or make sure you notice these things. And I bring it to your awareness. When you tell it, this is what we're actually going to be creating. Now. You know, and I have the most insanely cool story on this. So Kylie was one of the first women through one of the first versions actually of the loved up effect. And she went through this process to get clear on her soul vision, you know, I hadn't yet learned about neural energetic encoding, which makes his story even more magic, because we weren't even using that tool yet. But she went through a couple of exercises to get really clear on her soul vision. You know, and like I said, really clear from an emotive detailed perspective, but not focusing on you know, what partner has to look like, in a way that speaks to her that really spoke to her unconscious mind. You know, she had all these details about her dream date, it
was like a cat, I see myself with this person, we're walking on the beach, have a swim, lunch, you know, chillin on the beach, having a big chat. And it was so funny because she contacted him, she's like, this is exactly like word for word, what I experienced on her second date with her now husband. And this is the power of this, when you really start to speak to your unconscious mind. Stuff like that happens where you're like, This is insane. But this is the power of working with your unconscious mind in this way. So once you have that soul vision that your unconscious mind is like, yep, we are going there. It's in there. It's in your future. It's what you're actually seeing. Even if you're not aware of it, you've got that unconscious mind onboard, then it's all about looking. The next step is really about looking at the way that you see yourself in your unconscious mind. So looking at that identity that you're in right now. So even now, just consider how you see yourself you know like me and maybe really similar to me, I was like single unloved unlucky in love. The cool single auntie, sort of the person that No one values or notices well felt like a massive loser having to online date felt like a failure, unlovable, all of that kind of stuff. That's what how I used to see myself. And I hope you can see that all of that is a total lack of self love. It's not a very loving way to see yourself. You know, if your best friend was living your life right now, would you see her in the same way? That she's clearly someone who's unlovable, what a loser she's online dating? Like, it's laughable, because No, you wouldn't be saying any of those things. That wouldn't be how you see your best friend. Because it's frickin awful. It's awful. It's not a loving way to see yourself yet that is so often how we see ourselves in front is really critical, not very nice perspective. And so I hope you also see what I mean, how this step is all about going to the deepest, like truest and more most kind of transformational self love. So anyway, how you see yourself in your unconscious mind becomes exactly what you create for yourself. Surprise, surprise bit of a theme here. What's in your unconscious mind is going to always be what you experience for your, your what you experience. So if you see yourself as someone that no one cares about, that's forgotten, that's invisible, then your reality is going to reflect that. You know, and this is exactly what I experienced to where it's like hard to get a date getting ghosted, not dating for really long periods, you know, dating these people who didn't want commitment and you're like, Okay, I don't matter at all. And then the thing is that we take all of this stuff that we end up experiencing, like all of those kinds of experiences. And we take that as further evidence that identity is true. So all of this stuff when we start to look at our reality and we say, well, this is happening. It just becomes further evidence for our unconscious mind that yes, this is how this is who I am. This is the way I need to see myself because your unconscious mind is also desire to prove you, right? Even if it isn't necessarily what you want, if you have those beliefs, and we'll talk about beliefs in a second, but if you have those beliefs where it's like that dream, love is not possible for me, even if you want the dream relationship, that belief is always going to hold you back. And your unconscious mind will go to town finding all the evidence that is true. And then the thing is, we get so stuck in the reality. And we say, well, here's all of this evidence, that is not going to happen for me. But it's simply because of your unconscious mind. And how it actually filters our experiences as well, this is a very key part to understand, you know, our experience of life, like our experience of reality is actually only a tiny sliver of what's actually happening. You know, consciously right now, I'm aware of, you know, I can, now I'm thinking about it. But you know, I can hear my voice right now, you know, I'm looking around, I can see my computer screen right now, I look up, I can see, you know, the pictures on the wall, or like, there's these little bits that I'm actually consciously aware of, but when I start to open up my awareness more, what I realized is that I can actually hear a track outside randomly. Um, you know, I can hear those guys outside building a deck for us, I can hear that, but I wasn't consciously aware of it before, there's way more happening, you might have had experiences like this, as well, where you're somewhere and there's like a fan going in, then the fan suddenly turns off, and you feel this sense of relief. And you're like, I didn't even notice that the fan was on until it turned off. You know, there is so much happening that we're not actually aware of, there are millions, like literally millions of bits of information coming at us in any given moment. But our conscious brain, it can only process about 40 to 50 bits at any one time. So all of this information is coming our unconscious, what our unconscious mind does, is say, Okay, well, is this actually relevant to us, it's, it's designed to filter out all the stuff that doesn't align with our internal programming. So it's gonna delete, distort or generalize anything that doesn't align to your internal programming. So you may say, okay, like there are no one and I'll walk you through an example, I experienced this for myself, where it's like, there's nobody decent left to date. If that's the belief that you have, then that's exactly what your unconscious mind is going to show you that is going to be all the evidence that you see you change your beliefs that will change. So this stuff happening right now, this stuff happening right now, that would prove to you that you are the most magnetic, lovable, attractable, attractable, attractive, incredible woman out there. But if that's not how you see yourself in your unconscious mind, then your unconscious mind says, Well, that's all irrelevant and filters it out. And it's only going to show you all the stuff that you do believe or the way that you see yourself as the loser that has to online date. And, you know, all of that kind of stuff, that's going to be what you experience. You know, I saw myself as someone that was unlucky in love, like I said, you know, that I wouldn't ever have the decent relationship that I would only ever attract, you know, the lesson awesome, guys, you know, the ones I kept attracting was always the non committal party boys, lots of fun, Never gonna give me what I wanted. And it's so interesting, because I look back in hindsight, and there are actually a ton of guys interested in me that were really decent. Your that would have given me the most incredible relationships, but I dismissed them all because they didn't fit in with the identity that I was stuck in. You know, I was this I'm unlucky in love person. And these people would have changed it, but I dismissed them all. I didn't see that I didn't see that because of this programming that I had. So really, I'll ask you again how I'd How do you see yourself now? How do you see yourself now and then get clear on the identity of you that has her dream relationship. There's an epic exercise that we go through and love yourself that helps you pull this out in detail. Like there's 20 Something questions to get really clear about how you need to see yourself in your unconscious mind in order to have your dream relationship. And then it's an all about letting your unconscious unconscious mind know that you ain't the old you anymore. That you now see yourself as the most incredible lovable, confident, magnetic, attractive, lucky in love woman ever. It's all about telling that to your unconscious mind and replacing the way that you have been seeing yourself. So how do you do that? There is this insanely cool practice inside love yourself where again, we work with your unconscious mind, in pictures and through a guided process where I help you switch out like literally the old identity In your unconscious mind and replace it with the new one. It is the coolest practice. You know, and I love it. I absolutely love walking people through these practices because you feel these internal shifts after you've done them. Like you bring that old identity up. And it just feels so far removed from who you are like after you do the process. It's like, wow, that's like not even me. And from there, then things start to train change around you. And I think the really cool thing about this is, it's often the way that things start to change around you, when you change this internal programming. It's not necessarily obvious, like I had this happen, where all these things started to shift and change around me. And it wasn't until I looked back and was like, holy moly, like I was blown away by the insane transformation I'd had in literally six months. You know, I've gone from sort of liking my job, to then having like to dream jobs offered to me, I had total change in like dating, I'd met my now husband, you know, I wasn't loving where I was leaving and had plans to move to the country to be with him, which I absolutely love. Like all of this stuff. I was like that is absolutely epic.
I also want to say that there's really super practical and actual actionable action to take in your everyday life related to this and really stepping into the identity identity of you that has her dream relationship. And I'm actually going to be talking about this in the next episode, because the next episode is all about the action that you take the action that works, the action that will get you into your dream relationship. Which let me just say, surprise, surprise has nothing to do with mainstream dating advice. And it isn't anything that you're doing right now I can pretty much guarantee that the action that I'm going to be taking you through next week or next in the next episode isn't going to be anything that you're doing right now. But it gets you results. So if you're wondering what action to take to find love, you know, I get questions all the time. Should I be online dating? Should I be speed dating? Should I be whatever else thing? Then you do not want to miss that episode. Okay, so then the last aspect of creating this deep transformational self love in your unconscious mind is all about the those beliefs of yours, the beliefs about yourself about love about what's possible for you about what your future holds. You know, like I said before, I'll say it probably 1000 more times. Your reality is a product of your unconscious mind. Like everything that you're experiencing right now is the product of your unconscious mind and the beliefs that you hold there. Like I said about yourself love life, what's possible for you and your future, I'll say it again, your reality does not lie. So if it isn't what you want to be what you want it to be sorry, and it's not changing. Like you're taking all this action, you're trying your absolute best. And no matter what you do, you just kind of snap back to where you always are, you know, I hear that all the time from women where it's like, oh, my gosh, here I am, again, I thought this relationship was finally going somewhere and I'm back here again, if you feel like you're just keep snapping back to where you always are, then I want you to know that there are beliefs that are holding you back, there are beliefs that are like literally limiting you. And until you do the work to change, and this will just keep happening. Like you'll take the action and you'll just go back to where you started, you'll take the action, you might get some results, and you'll just end up back where you started, or nothing is changing at all. And that's why I call this episode when nothing is changing, you forgot to look at your unconscious mind. So like I've been talking about, you have to become aware of what's happening in your unconscious mind. So you have to becoming become aware of your beliefs in order to change them. And like I said before, most people aren't aware of the of their beliefs, or the effect that it's having in their reality, it just feels like reality. You know, it just feels like truth to us. One of the most common a common and I'll, this will be interesting for you. One of the most common limiting beliefs that the women I work with have, has to be like hands down. I haven't actually done a survey, but like 99% of the women I have worked with, have this belief that I am not worthy of love as I am. I'm not worthy of love as I am. And when I say that, I know that gonna be a lot of you who are going to answer from your conscious mind and your first reaction is going to be like, that doesn't that doesn't apply to me. And that is a really, really common reaction where it's like, no, that doesn't apply to me, I would have had the same reaction. I would have said, You know what, I think I'm a nice person. I think I'm loving. You know, I really like myself. I want to have that love. So yeah, I'm worthy of that love. But the biggest breakthroughs come when you uncover these unconscious beliefs. You know, the ones that you're not actually aware of, and you start to realize how they've actually been holding you back. So if you have that belief that you're not worthy of love, you know, then you're going to be feeling crap about yourself. You're going to be taking over Be action trying to be who you think men want, you know, I need to look a certain way way wear red dresses on first dates, I have to have my hair a certain way, certain kinds of makeup have got to be showing off some kind of asset physically, you know, I've got to be chilled out, like you're going to be doing all of those things, you're gonna be someone who's going above and beyond in relationships, you know, you're in these kind of crappy ish relationships, but it's like, oh, well, I can just prove how amazing I am by going above and beyond, I'll pick him up from the airport and drop him off to work and make him lunch and plan amazing dinners and all of that kind of stuff. You know, as though you can actually prove how awesome you are. And then magically, they'll turn it into who, you know, that whole your the relationship that you have will turn into the one that you actually want it to be. And then that doesn't happen inevitably. And then that just becomes more evidence that pollute proves that belief true that you're not actually worthy of love. And remember the beliefs that you have, they're going to distort the reality that you experience. Like I said, Before, I had that big belief, there are no decent men left for me to date. I was like, I'm over 30. And they're all taken. You know, and I think it's interesting, even just saying that, I was like that belief came, I remember that belief. You know, and I think a lot of us actually end up with that belief, it was something that was always said to me, like you got to get married before 30. Otherwise, all the good guys get taken. So at 30, I was like, holy moly, there's nobody left then because I had this belief. You know, but I did the work to change his belief. And it changed my entire experience. I know, I've told this story before. But I was driving home from playing golf, and looked down at my phone. This is after doing all the work to change this belief. I looked down at my phone and I was like, oh my god, there are like five messages from five different guys, all of them really nice. Who wanted to see me that weekend, and I was like, This is insane. There are so many decent guys to date. And as I said that to myself, I was like, wow, how? Wow, like you just start to feel it, your thoughts start to change, it becomes less like doom and gloom. And it's never gonna happen for me. You know, and this is a really common experience that the women I work with, have, where they're like, you know, online dating, and you've like swiping through the same people for years on it. And you're like, oh, you know, James is still there. That's good to know. See him every couple of months. But it's a really common experience to go from that where like, there is literally no one to then being like, I don't even know where these guys are coming from, like, just blown away where you're like, there are so many incredible men to date. Again, reality doesn't lie, reality doesn't lie. And it's those beliefs. It's all that programming that's happening in your unconscious mind, that is keeping you stuck in a reality that you don't actually want. And it will continue to keep you stuck until you change them. You know, it's really important to note like, and this is why when you start to take the action, and we'll be talking more about action in the next episode. But this is why, you know, listening to mainstream dating advice and saying, Okay, well, maybe and I literally had bought these things myself or I was like, Okay, maybe there aren't enough single men in the city that I live. So I'll move to a different city where there are more single men and maybe then I'll find love, it's why none of that stuff will work you move and the same things keep happening because you take all that unconscious programming with you that there are no decent guys left that I'm not worthy of love that I'm never going to have that dream relationship that I am just someone who is unlucky in love you take all of that with you regardless of anything. Which means that any of that kind of action you take from an external perspective, like being on this app, moving cities, you know wearing something specific on a date, whatever it happens to be all of that doesn't work because it doesn't bypass the fact that you have all this unconscious programming that's keeping you stuck. So how do you know what limiting beliefs that you have and what's actually stopping you from having what you want? Like I said, you know super quick ways like looking at your reality and say okay, if this is what I'm experiencing right now, what would I have to believe to create this? What would I believe about love what would I believe about myself what would I believe is possible for me and it's really cool because in going through step one of the loved up effect and going through release yourself, as we clear out the that emotion in that energy, this will all these deeper kinds of beliefs start to come become, you start to become aware of them. You start to become aware of them and say, Okay, I'm feeling all this energy because I have this belief that I'm never going to find love. No wonder you feel like hopeless and panic and distressed and desperation because you have a belief down there that you're never going to find love. It's obvious that you'd feel that way. So it's really sad just starting to become aware of all of this There are also two exercises inside love yourself that actually pull this out from your unconscious and into your awareness. And these are really helpful just to pinpoint the specific beliefs for you. And then the obvious question becomes, well, how do you change your beliefs? Again, you can go about this consciously, there is a practice inside the love yourself, where you use, like, it's a conscious practice to create change in your unconscious mind. You know, first, we start by unraveling the belief through a series of questions, you know, and then it's about going to that, like consistency and repetition, to remind your unconscious of the beliefs that you want to have instead, you know, and it can be really effective if you're good at being consistent. And you have that really good awareness where you're like, Oh, I'm thinking that thought, which relates to this belief, I'm going to stop that. And then, you know, put in the thought that I want to think and the belief that I want to have I love that practice. But my favorite ones, by far are the ones where you create change directly in your unconscious mind.
So you don't have to rely on your conscious mind or the repetition. And there are four of these practices in love yourself, one of them being my fav neural energetic encoding, where we actually go back to the time where you took on these limiting beliefs, you know, so we can actually go back and say, Okay, I picked this up in my childhood, and we do we actually clear them from there, it is the coolest thing ever. So cool. Nothing brings me more joy. Because I do these a lot, one on one with people, where somebody might have a belief, like, I'm not worthy of love, you know, or love isn't going to happen. For me one of those, those are the general big ones that come or that people have. And you can just see how powerful this is for people where it's like, I'm not worthy of love, or I know, it's never gonna happen to me, and you know, there's all this emotion and it's like, this big, like, I'm scared, it's never gonna happen for me thing, you know, and then just in half an hour, like just going through this process and about half an hour. You know, by the end, what you do with what I do at the end is just say, Okay, well, how do you feel about this belief now? And so often the responses like, disbelief, kind of laughter, you know, it just seems so ridiculous that they would ever think that. And that, to me is like, it's the, it's brings me so much joy when people like I, that doesn't even apply to me anymore. And I just love the look on people's faces. They're like, how is this gone in like 30 minutes. You know, a client I worked with last year, actually, we did quite a few sessions of neural energetic encoding together, cleared some of her really big limiting beliefs. And she ended up in the most epic relationship only a few months later, like, and it's just so unlike any kind of relationship that she's ever had, you know, it wasn't and this is what she said to me. She's like, every previous relationship she'd had was like, months of wondering where you stand with them. And you're like, in that gray area of like, are we in a relationship or not, you know, he was someone that was always taking initiative, told her he loved her, within a few months, asked her to meet his parents, you know, caring, they've moved in together. And she's like, it's because of shift like, you shift these beliefs and your reality, all of a sudden starts to change, you know, and so when it feels like there is nothing changing for you, you know, you feel that sense of hopelessness and frustration. When you start to clear those beliefs that are holding you back, then you do open yourself up to entirely new experiences, you know, and so from here, I want you to start by bringing awareness to what you're saying about yourself, to what you believe about yourself and what you believe about your future, to what you believe about love to start paying attention to those thoughts that are going through your mind. Because they come from those beliefs, it comes from the way that you see yourself, it comes from your internal programming, literally in the next day over the next day. Just start writing down the thoughts that come into your mind. Just take some time out to write like every, throughout the day, just be like what I've been what I've been thinking, what I've been thinking what's actually happening here, start getting curious. You know, changing the programming of your unconscious mind. It's like literally creating self love at the deepest, most transform, transformational level, you know, and it's this thing that just when you do this, it allows things just to flow for you. So you're not fighting yourself like because this is literally when you have this unconscious programming that that even if you have that desire, but you have all this unconscious programming that is conflicting with that desire. All of a sudden when it's all aligned, you know your unconscious mind is on board with what it is that you want. Like the relief all of a sudden you're not fighting yourself anymore. You're not fighting love. So love yourself. 100% is something that we all need. Like these practices are insanely powerful. You know, it's work that I come to back to again and again and again. And again and again, you know, because, you know, even when you have the relationship, you know, I know that everybody listening to this, like, you know, you'll have the relationship. And then I know that you're the ambitious types that want something else in your life, you know. And then anytime you want to step towards something else, there are always going to be limiting beliefs that need to change, you know, along with the way that you see yourself as well. So you start to see yourself as a person with the next desire that you have. Remember, though, that release yourself is your first step in clearing out the emotion, you have to clear out that emotion in that energy. So then you can go deeper into this work, you know, and it becomes so much more effective for you. So if you want to get started in that you want to get started in this process, I do have a link below and I can send you all the information just fill out the form and I'll send you everything you need to know about getting started inside release yourself and with the loved up effect. And then what and then what we've cleared out the emotion, we're clearing out your unconscious mind getting it all on board. The next step, like I said, this is the one that I get asked the most questions about because we're so action focused as people it's like you have a problem, take a hell of a lot of action. We're gonna be talking about the action that you need to take to have your dream relationship. You know, and so often and I know so many of you right now are stuck in that place where it's like you're taking all the action and you're getting nothing for it. You're not getting any closer to love, you know, your online dating, you're making sure you look amazing every time you go out. You're asking friends to set your set you up you're just on the lookout and you're doing it all you look amazing all of that kind of stuff and you're just not getting anywhere. This is literally because you're taking the wrong action. I hate to say it but sometimes we have to be brutally honest you are taking the wrong action if the action that you're taking isn't getting you where to where you want to be you know then you're taking the wrong action to steal Dr Phil's words where they came to me and then flew out to steal Dr. Phil's words if it's how's that working for you? Know, if you're taking these action, you're not getting results, then it's this episode the next episode is gonna like blow your mind it's about taking a step back and saying well what action is going to work for me? What action do I need to take to have my dream relationship? This is exactly what you're going to learn inside the next episode. This is part three of this self love series. I shall see you then. Otherwise really well as we end this episode. Definitely reach out and let me know if you want to get started in the loved up effect with release yourself but start to really pay attention to become curious about what you're thinking, what you're thinking all the time because those thoughts come from those beliefs in the way that you see yourself. It's the stuff that has to change. Otherwise, let me know leave me a review. Let me know if this episode has been helpful for you. Cannot wait for the next one.
