I'm very excited to get into this episode. It's actually a shorter episode because I have some really powerful action for you to take. This is a conversation about self love that I don't think anybody else really has. But it is so friggin essential as you're gonna understand, like, this isn't self love like you've ever heard anybody talk about self love before? Let's get into it.
Welcome to the loved up effect podcast. I'm Emily Bucknell, here to get you from demoralized and single to empowered, confident, and in the loving arms of your dream guy, if you're a smart, successful woman with a lot of love to give, but no matter what you do, how hard you try or how much you want to, you just don't seem to be getting any closer to love than you are in the right place. I'm here to answer your biggest and most frustrating questions when it comes to dating love and relationships in a way that no one else will get ready for practical, no BS and powerful AF insights that will lead you to laugh. Are you ready? Let's get into today's episode.
Oh, I'm so excited to get into today's episode. First, let me just say it's going to be a shorter episode because there's action that I want you to take. And I really want you to understand this, like so many people and most of us are absolutely amazing at taking on knowledge. It's like knowledge, knowledge, knowledge, knowledge, like when you learn something new, you literally get a hit of dopamine, it feels really good. So so often we're just like knowledge, hungry.
But then when we don't put it into action, which is doesn't give you sometimes it's not the feel good thing. Sometimes it's like, oh, do I really have to do this. But if you don't put things into action, like nothing is ever going to change for you. So I intentionally have made this episode a little bit shorter, so you have time to take action and what the action I'm going to give you super simple, like really simple to do. But that is where change happens. You know, I love this like analogy. You know, you don't read a book and gain knowledge about how to ride a bike. And then you're able to ride a bike. You know, how you learn how to ride a bike is by actually doing how you change your life, how you have the love life of your absolute dreams, your dream relationship, the whole shabam shabam
is doing is putting what I say into practice is taking action is stepping into that being. That's how you have the transformation that you want.
So the other reason I'm incredibly excited about this episode is because it's about self love. I could talk about self love, like till the cows come home, like literally, it used to be like my big kind of premise message was like love your fellow self first, and you'll have everything, which is literally true. I've just added a bit more to it.
Because I think sometimes it's hard for people to like really get that they're like, No, we're doesn't have to be more complicated. No one does not love yourself first. Everything else will fall into line. And why is that? Like literally? Why is that? Like when you think about it, the universe put you on this earth, like, put you here as the person that you are for a reason. And no, it was not to suffer and hate yourself. I think. And that's where so many of us are stuck in that place of like suffering and hating ourselves. You know, and to me, like the big lesson in life is to love the person that you are because you were put here for a reason. You were put here as the person you are, you know, with the skills that you have, you know, with the lot like the traits that you have the personality, you know, you're so unique, and you were put here for a reason because the world needs you. You know and so much like I said the key to life is really understanding and loving the person that you are. And honestly when you do that, you unlock the whole universe like you literally do when you're connected with love in that way when you have love at the very foundation of your being because you love the person that you are, like do it's so true what they say everything else falls into line because you're connected with love, love in the biggest sense of the word love the most powerful force in the universe. Like there is nothing more powerful than having love in your very being. You get me like I said, so passionate about this topic, I could talk about it forever. But self love honestly is not something that's very well understood. I think you hear the term like bandied about all the time like self love, self love, you know, you see it on notebooks and all that kind of stuff. But I think very few people understand what self love is. Yes, part of self love is all the self care stuff like hate taking bubble balls and mask on your face and doing the things that feel good, you know, but
A lot of that is just self care. It's not actually self love, you know, in the really deep sense and self love. Honestly, I've been really focusing on self love myself, for the last 10 plus years. And what I found is that there's always another layer to discover, what you may not realize is that you're actually in a relationship with yourself, like humans are the only beings you know, that really can be in a relationship with yourself, because of the way that our brains work like we can. There's a sort of third person, if you will, where we can think we will, where we can observe what it is that we're thinking, you know, so you are in this relationship with you, you think about yourself, you have emotion towards yourself, you are in a relationship with you,
uses the only relationship, this is the most important relationship of your life as well. It is the only relationship that you're in, from the day you are born to the day that you die, it is the most important relationship. And this relationship that you have with you sets the tone for every other relationship there is, you know, there's that quote, I forget from who
you teach others how to treat you, your relationship sets a standard for every other relationship that you have in your life. You know, if you're with someone, and you don't have the best relationship with yourself, like maybe this is just news to you, now you're like, I'm in a relationship with myself, freakin awesome. Because now you can start to be in the best friggin relationship of your life. But you know, if you're someone that you don't realize you're in a relationship with yourself, you know, you haven't been treating yourself potentially in the best way, it's no surprise, then that you probably letting in relationships that aren't the best for you, you know, interactions with people that aren't the best, you know, hanging around in relationships that aren't actually what you want.
So what I want you to start to do is really consider this relationship that you have with yourself right now, how much attention or focus Do you really give yourself,
and I really want you to see this, like, I really want you to say this, and you'll and you'll feel this in the action that I'm gonna get you to take, you know, but for a lot of you, you've been in this relationship with yourself for like, whatever, 30 plus years, maybe a bit less, maybe a bit more, whatever it happens to be, you've been in this relationship for your entire life. And for a lot of you, you've probably never even acknowledged that you're in this relationship with you. And can you imagine being in a relationship with someone, someone that you spend 24 hours a day with seven days a week, and they haven't ever really acknowledged you. So let me just tell you that the action part of the action I'm gonna get you to take is going to feel really emotional for some of you. Because this is going to be the first time that you really acknowledge yourself. And it is so insanely powerful when you do that, because you open the doors for love, like you have never experienced, like, and I know so many women, like obviously, you know, I'm here to help you have that dream relationship with someone else. What I think a lot of women discover, when you work with me more closely, is it's this relationship with you that you actually desire more, you know, but you don't know, like, most of us don't realize that this is even a relationship. really finding this love is the key to having you know, that dream relationship that you want.
So what I want you to do,
feel free to press pause, and then come back because there's two parts to this two parts to this action. I want you to go look at yourself in the mirror, like look at yourself, deep in your eyes. And just like just take it all in, take yourself in and I want you to say I love and accept you.
And I want you to let me know like send me a message on Instagram or an email, whatever works for you how that felt? How does it feel to really look yourself like deep in the eyes and say, I love and accept you.
Because most people that do this, they find it really emotional. Because like I said, this is the first time that you've acknowledged yourself.
You've been in this relationship with you for like your whole lives. And you've never really actually acknowledged yourself.
There is so much power in doing this.
And then I want you to start to think so I've got some questions for you to ask yourself. I really want you to start to think about this relationship that you have with you.
So come back to these questions. Feel free to journal on them. Get out of a piece of paper, press pause, come back to this episode. You know, this is your homework for this next week. What do you say to yourself? So be really aware. Be really aware as you go throughout your day? What are you saying to yourself? You know, you catch a glance if you're yourself in a mirror, what do you say? You make a mistake. What do you say? What do you believe is possible for you? Are you saying you'll never have that dream relationship? You're not good enough. These are all the ways that you're not
Good enough?
What are you blaming yourself for? What resentment Are you holding on to against yourself? You could have done that better. I wish you did something else. That was so stupid how you did that?
You know, what do you say to yourself, when you do see yourself in a in a mirror, or reflection? That looks ugly? I wish I didn't look like this. Not saying that it's necessarily all bad.
But I know in my experience, a lot of it is going to be really critical. How do you feel about yourself?
How do you feel about yourself? Are you proud of yourself?
Do you think frickin awesome?
But do you have embarrassment? or shame? Or I wish I wasn't like this? What are you letting in or accepting into your life?
Are you in relationships or, you know, having people come into your life that treat you like crap? You're in relationships, where you're like, oh, my gosh, if my best friend was in this relationship, I would be like, get out. Like, don't you deserve so much better than this?
You know, your standards for what's okay for you the same as what you think would be okay for your friend? How do you treat yourself? How do you treat your body?
You know, are you punishing yourself like, and not to say like, it's different for everybody. But it is like, oh, my gosh, I ate this. And now I've got to go to the gym for this long. And like, are you punishing yourself? How do you treat your body? Do you treat it with respect? Do you treat yourself with respect? Do you speak up? Do you speak your needs? Do you speak up when someone says something that's awful?
And how comfortable? Do you feel accepting love helping support?
The use someone that pushes away help and support? I don't deserve that.
No, do you feel like you're in the way?
You know, an example that came up from the coach, the completely loved up coaching call we did the other day? You know, someone walks down the street. It's like oh, and they are on the footpath together and they're coming at you. And you're like they move and you're like, Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for taking up space. Try. Thank you. Thank you, I deserve to walk on the footpath. And that's really lovely that you did that?
These questions are pretty illuminating, aren't they? You start to see like I was somewhat like my biggest critic, my biggest critic. You know, when those quiet moments it would be like, good one your stuff that up. Wish you did that better.
You'll never, you'll never have what you want. This is what you deserve. All that kind of staff. It's illuminating, isn't it? And then it becomes really clear when you say that this is kind of the tone for the relationship that you have with yourself, why it's so hard to have that kind of love that you want from outside.
So this is a shortest shorter episode, like I said, because I want you to take some time to reflect on this, I want you to come back to this episode. Really ask yourself those questions. I'll put them in the show notes as well. But bring awareness to this relationship that you have with you day to day.
You know, when something doesn't go your way, like what do you say? And really be aware of it like is that stuff that you would say to your best friend, or someone at work when a presentation or something like that doesn't go to plan? You make a mistake? You know, and then you just chastise yourself for it where it's like, oh my gosh, I can't believe you stuff that up your jobs under Baba Baba? Is that what you would say to your friend who made a mistake? Would you be like good one?
Not surprised that you did that. Now they're all going to think you're an idiot? Is that how you talk to anybody else? And if the answer is no, then it shouldn't be the way that you talk to you. Because I hope you can start to see how destructive this can be. Like if you are in a relationship like a friend or someone like that was speaking to you like that you're in this relationship where you cannot get away from this person. And that's the chat that they have.
Oh, soul destroying.
I really want you to understand and hopefully you've got a sense of this. This is insanely important work to do. And like I said, this is like the kind of core of everything that I teach. You know, there's a lot inside the loved up effect particularly. Step number two, love yourself where we really look at this relationship that you have with you, you know, changing the way that you see yourself redefining this relationship
so that you have like you become your bait biggest supporter. You become the person that's like no, you deserve better than that. You're friggin awesome. This is what I love about you. And you'll start to see that all of that that the relationship that you have with you becomes reflected in the relationships that you attract into your life. You know, you literally T
teach other people how to treat you love yourself first everything falls into line. I could probably go on with quote by quote by quote.
But just so you understand how freakin important self love is, so be sure I'm dying to know. Let me know what this episode brought up for you like either leave me a review, send me an email, send me a DM How did this exercise feel to you? Like how did this exercise feel to you looking at yourself in the mirror and answering those questions I am dying to know
