I am super excited about this episode what to do when your biological clock is like taking like, you can feel that pressure mounting where it's like I'm trying to do all the things to find the relationship have what it is that I want. But every year another birthday passes. I'm not any closer. Is it ever gonna happen for me? There's all this evidence I'm hitting the age where kids aren't possible. And it's like, what do I do? Like you feel like your head might explode? You're in that kind of vise of like, how do I navigate this? How do I move past it? How do I ever have the relationship the family become a mother everything that it is that I want? Get listening. This episode has been a while in the making. Cannot wait for you to get into it. Do it now. Welcome to the loved up effect Podcast. I'm Emily Bucknell, here to get you from demoralized and single to empowered, confident, and in the loving arms of your dream guy, if you're a smart, successful woman with a lot of love to give, but no matter what you do, how hard you try or how much you want to, you just don't seem to be getting any closer to love than you are in the right place. I'm here to answer your biggest and most frustrating questions when it comes to dating love and relationships in a way that no one else will get ready for practical, no BS and powerful A F insights that will lead you to love. Are you ready? Let's get into today's episode. What to do when your biological clock is dead? I hope I didn't scare you. On so this is an episode that I have been planning to do ever since I decided to have a podcast. And I've just been kind of waiting just to make sure I cover absolutely everything. And this is as powerful as it possibly can be for you. We're gonna get right into it gonna cover a hell of a lot as well. Because this is such a like, big issue. You know, I hear this from so many women. And I think this is like a thing that even women in relationships have as well, where it's like, oh my gosh, that clock is ticking. You know that the sand in the hourglass, it's like slowly disappearing into the bottom. You know, there's this finite amount of time where I can have children, you know, so I hear this all the time from women, I'm getting older, I want to be a mom, I want to have the family, I want to have the partner with me having the family, you know, so if I don't find love, because like who's not doing all that math, where it's like, okay, if I have to, you know, have my first child by like 42, if that's the absolute max and I need to have met someone like, like two years before that Baba Baba, but you do all that kind of math, I know. You know, but you you kind of thinking, Okay, if I don't have the relationship now, then I'm not going to be able to have the family and the kids and become a mom. And the thing is that you get stuck, like, and if you think about it, how you're feeling right now you get so stuck in this, this feeling of powerlessness, like and this is really the core of it, feeling powerless, because it's something that takes another person, you know, and it also takes time. So for you to have, like the family become a mom, like the family of your own all of that kind of stuff. You know, it takes having someone else come into your life within a certain timeframe. And we don't control time, and we don't control what anybody else does. So you have this mounting pressure like and it it manifests as desperation. It's like holy crap, I need to have this if I don't have this, by the, you know, when the last sand falls through that hourglass, like I miss my opportunity, I'm gonna feel absolutely devastated. And I think the thing is, and I remember being in this place myself to this, like feeling of desperation, and knowing that that wasn't actually helping me either. And this is the thing that I think sometimes you may not actually realize consciously, but I think this is something that a lot of you are going to know, like at that deeper level that those feelings of pressure, that desperation that oh my god, I've got to make this happen. That kind of energy actually isn't helping you have what it is that you want. And I remember feeling that way being like, dude, everybody knows that you don't want to be desperate, like nobody finds desperate, attractive, you know, and when I had that realization, where I was like, Oh, I think I have actually desperate. I'm holding out a whole lot of that desperate kind of energy. I was really stuck in that place. Because I was like, wow, I don't know how to frickin release that, like, what do I do with that? How do I get rid of this? You know, it felt like the only thing that would get rid of that feeling of desperation of powerlessness and all that kind of pressure was having that person come into my life. But again, that's something that I don't control. So you've got this, like you're in this kind of place, like it's kind of I feel like even get the visual of like vices kind of closing in on you. Because on one side, you've got this like, mounting pressure, you know, the biological clock ticking, you know, like less less and less time to have kids all of that kind of stuff. You've got that pressure coming at you at one point. But then you're also like, well, I can't make this happen. This isn't something that I can make happen, it's not in your control to do that, you know, when you're at this kind of point where something has to give, and I think this is really important to kind of understand is that when you're feeling like really, you know, desperate powerless like at that kind of like just desperation II kind of place from an energetic perspective and in terms of how it is that you feel something has to give like in that's like, and I really hope that this episode helps you figure out what that is, like, I'm gonna walk you through the whole thing. But something has to give. And it's like I said, it's not like you can make this happened for you. It's not like you can go outside right now, you know, pick the first decent looking guy that was walking down the street and say, Okay, we're gonna have a relationship, family commitment, the whole thing, let's get going now, like, you can't do that, you can't just make it happen. So what has to give, because it's either that you make it happen, which, you know, we've just straight up, we've established that you don't have the power to do that you can't make someone you know, come into your life and have that kind of committed relationship, like, they have to be on board as well, that you can't do that. So you have to release the pressure, you have to release that needy energy of desperation that you have around this desire tab, be a mom have the family, that is what you control. And I think that's going to be a big eye opening moment. For a lot of you that is what you control. And I'm sure you're probably like me, I'm like heli F do I do.
And this is exactly what I'm walking you through today. You may also like even me just saying that. You may also be like what, when I have the relationship, of course, that's going to release the pressure. But as I talk to you like and as we go through this, and I'll be talking, I'll be doing a couple more episodes on this, actually, it's really when you kind of see something external in your reality, changing how you feel internally, and you put all of that all of your internal state is dependent on that happening, you actually stop it from coming into your life, but we'll talk about that really soon as well. But it's so important. Like, it's so important that you get this because as long as you're feeling that mounting pressure from that biological clock that's ticking, then you're simply not going to have what it is that you want. Like this is like make or break moment, it's like, okay, if you want to have the family, the you know, the partner, the baby, you want to be a mom, that whole thing, then you have to, like you have to this has to be your number one focus is releasing that pressure that you feel. And again, I know you're saying like how do I do this, and how I like how, like how that's so get this, but what I want you to understand is that this is the way the universe works. Like this is universal law, like that your internal state, so how you feel is always, always always 100% of the time reflected in your reality. You know, this is described as a law, universal law of correspondence. And you might have heard that phrase as above, so below, as within so without, like, what is happening within you is always going to be reflected in your reality, your reality is a reflection of what's happening inside you. So if you're in that place of desperation, powerlessness, you've got this mounting pressure. That's all you're ever going to say until you change your internal state. And also reflected in the law of law of attraction to so like attracts like, talked about this a ton on last week's episode. So check that out, I'll put that in the shownotes. And also the law of karma. So what you put out, you're gonna get back. So if you're putting out like that energy of desperation, powerlessness, it's not going to happen, all of that kind of stuff, I'm running out of time, you're just gonna get more of that more experiences that show you that you're running out of time to have children. So if you're feeling all that pressure, like the fear that you're not going to have what it is that you want, you're not going to have the partner, the family the whole life. If that's where you're at, then you're only going to attract more people, situations that reflect that internal state, that internal state of feeling all the pressure and all the fear, you know, so you're gonna be and like, let me know, like and have a little thing even now, like, what are you attracting into your life? What's actually happening in your reality? Because it's really likely that you're attracting all the non committal type guys like that just do not care about having a committed relationship, or they seem like they might be interested. And then they say, Listen, I'm not actually interested in a relationship with you, and go off and have a committed relationship with someone else. You know, those relationships that don't really seem to go anywhere and they just compound exactly what it is that you're feeling, you know, and and you know yourself like, and I think this is that thing that I realized, and I hope you're realizing now as well that you know yourself that the way you feel isn't helping, like all that pressure, the fear, you know, that feeling of desperate ERATION and even now when I even when I say the word desperation, like, I still get that kind of like, Oh, nobody wants to be desperate, like no one wants to admit that they're feeling desperate. You know, we all know that desperate isn't attractive, you know. And like, back in the day, I didn't want to admit that I felt that way. You know, I knew what it was like this bad smell that was like repelling like the men that I wanted from coming into my life. But like I said, I also didn't know what I needed to do to go about releasing that to get out of that place of desperation. And we're gonna get into all of that very soon. But first, the first thing really is about being really honest about how it is that you're feeling, you know, so if this episode, if you're like, Dude, I need this episode.
Then chances are, you're feeling all that pressure from your biological clock, the fear, that's not going to happen, you know, let fear where that kind of desperation where it's like, I've got to make this happen in this timeframe. Time's running out that dream life that you want, it's like slipping through your fingers. It's all of that holy crap, make it happen, kind of panicky, sort of energy, really get clear about what's happening inside you. Because it's only through that honesty about how you're feeling inside, you know, the fear, the desperation, frustration, potentially sadness, grief, because it hasn't happened for you already. You know, I had a lot of shame and embarrassment as well, jealousy when you see your friends having what it is that you want. And it all seems so easy for them really start to get clear about what what's happening inside you. Because when you get clear about that, then we know what we need to get to work releasing, because it is all of this stuff, this stuff that's happening on your in your internal state, that's actually holding you back from having what it is that you want. So yeah, if you're coming at dating, you're coming at men, the whole thing with that desperate energy of like, this has to happen now. Like you're scrolling through loads swiping through, you know, men on Bumble, or Tinder or wherever it is that you happen to be, like, you know, and you're like, looking at them. And it's like, Okay, does he look like father material, all of that kind of stuff, you know, then what I really want you to understand, like the incredible men that want to have that committed relationship with you, they're not they're gonna run a mile. Like, like I said, I knew that kind of, like, desperation was like that bad smell where it's like, yeah, I'm trying not, I'm trying my best to pretend that I'm not desperate. But that energy is always there. And you're always going to attract what you're an energetic match to, you know, the men that you want to have in your life, the men that you want to have the committed relationship with that you want to be the father of your children. You know, these aren't men that want to be seen as a means to an end, you know, like a way for you to have your happy family, they want to feel loved and valued and understood, they want to be with someone who takes the time to get to know them as well, you know, they want to make sure they're making the right decision and committing to you and going down that same path as well. So yeah, these are the incredible men that you want to have that kind of committed relationship with and be the father of your children. Like, they don't want to be seen as just a way to solve this problem for you, where it's like, God, I've got to get the guy now. So I can have what it is that I want you really, and this is why taking that pressure away, is so insanely important. So you can have that connection without this energy there. That's just gonna push them away where they're like, Okay, like, you know, just like it like you think of it even in reverse. Like, if you were out there dating, like at a guy's like, hey, like, brings this kind of energy of like, let's like, go for the commitment straight up. And we're not straight up. But like, let's get this show on the road. And I'm looking for someone to have my kid and all of that kind of stuff. Like you'd run a mile from them too. It's like, you want to have that kind of connection. And it's so hard. When you're coming at it from that place of like neediness, that desperate sort of energy, the panic, the fear, all of that sort of stuff, you can not make that kind of connection that you want if you're in that kind of energy. And I think this brings me to another really important point, I want to make this really clear that this does not mean that you hide what it is that you want. So many women I speak to have picked up this really toxic advice, where it's like, don't be straight up with men, don't tell them that you want a committed relationship or that you want kids. And that is honestly it's the perfect way to get stuck in a relationship which is a complete and utter waste of your time. You know, with people that don't actually want what you do. 100% Tell the men who you're dating what it is that you want, say, you know, I see in my future, a committed relationship. I want to have a family of my own. The thing is, it's about being aware of the energy behind it because that is what's matters. Like there is a big difference. Like a really big difference. It sounds subtle. But there is a big difference between a desire and a need. When you think about a desire, it has a really Light epic energy without attachment to the outcome, like, you're okay either way, you know whether it happens or not, like, it's like, okay, I really have this desire. And I know this is gonna, I know this is going to pull up some resistance for you guys, but we'll talk about that in a second. Even just saying this, I'm like, I know me back in the day would be like, Yeah, but I want to have it, if I don't have the family, if I don't, if I'm not a mom, if I don't have the relationship, if I don't have that life, like life just don't seem like it's worth living, like, there's this huge attachment to the outcome. But you want to get yourself into that place where it is a desire, and you don't have attachment to the outcome. Because the more attached you are to the outcome, and the harder it's going to be for it to come into your life. You know, so that's a desire is not having that attachment to the outcome being you know, what my job is to, like, you know, put that desire out there and say, this is what I'd love for my life to look like. But then get really just focused on now the present moment of now bringing, and really conscious of the energy that you're bringing to life right now. We'll talk about this more in a minute. But you know, if you're in that really lack place where it's like, I don't have it, and if I don't have it, then I don't feel good, then that's just more of what it is that you create. So we'll talk a little bit more about that. Because I know this is like just a subtle difference. And it can throw people off and be like, I'm tired. So that's a desire, desire, really like epic energy without attachment to the outcome. It's like, okay, this is what I want. But either way, I feel okay, my inner state is a, okay? Conversely, the need and need has this energy of like, if I don't have it, I won't survive. Like, it's like your survival is dependent on having this thing happen in your life, having the family, whatever it is that you pitch, you're becoming a mum. So you're putting out that energy of lack, like that energy of lacking to the universe, and that's what you're gonna get more of lack, like need comes from this place where it's like, I don't have what it is that I want. And the more you're in that place and saying I don't have it is I don't have what it is that I want, I don't have what it is that I want. This is a problem that I have to solve in my life. Like your mind just attaches to it and becomes bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger, until you just it feels like you're gonna implode, like you're in that vise where you're like how, like, how do I make this happen? It's slipping through my fingers, the time's running out, I feel worse and worse. You know, my reality is like, there's even fewer guys to date. Nobody wants commitment, I'm not a birthday without a relation, like it just gets tighter and tighter and tighter, until you learn what I'm teaching you now, until you really take this on board and say, Okay, well, something has to give. And it's really about focusing on that internal state of yours, you know, to make this shift from having, you know, that desire, or that need to have, you know, the family in the relationship, you know, you have to shift your understanding of how life happens and how life unfolds. So to go from that place of really neediness to that lighter place of desire, where you don't have that attachment, you know, it's really about understanding how life unfolds. You know, and I'll be talking about this in a lot in probably two episodes time, I think it's gonna be just about how this happens. So like I said a bit earlier, most people go through life having this internal having their internal state, so how it is that you're feeling dependent on your external world. So what's actually happening in your reality? You know, so it's like, Okay, I'm gonna feel and you're in this place. So if you're feeling that pressure, that desperation, all of that stuff, it's like, I need to have the men coming into my life, you know, to be in that committed relationship, to be moving towards, like having kids in the whole thing. I need that in order to feel okay. And that's what most people say, they're like, I have this desire, it's really a need, because it's like, I have to have this in order to feel okay, from an internal state from that emotional place. And so when you're coming at life from that place, where it's like, well, I've got to have that happen in my reality in order for me to feel okay, then your focus is going to be on trying to change your external reality. So it's like, okay, well, if I don't have the partner and kids, then I need to be, you know, online dating like nobody's business swiping 24 hours a day, like, you know, making sure I look incredible. I'm what men want. I'm doing all the things right. I'm in my feminine energy, all of those kinds of stuff that you think that you have to do when it comes to dating, going to this place saying yes to every invitation out, like just scoping everywhere you go out for the single guys just being on a mission to find them and have that happen, you know, where it's like, Okay, then I'll have the relationship and then I'll feel okay, and then I'll feel calm and happy and awesome. So what I want you to understand is that this is complete pleat and utterly backwards. This is not how life works. And it's hilarious. Well, not really hilarious. It's interesting, because this is how most people go through life, thinking that when I have this happen in my external reality, then I'll feel okay.
And having this backwards backwards only leads you to what it is that you're feeling. Now you're feeling frustrated, desperation, desperate, and all that kind of pressure, the fear, and all of that stuff. Because remember what I said, your reality is a reflection of your internal state, your reality, everything that you're experiencing right now is a reflection of your internal state. So in order to have your reality be what you want it to be, in order for you to have that partner in that family, then your focus needs to come off like doing anything in your external reality, and needs to be on releasing that pressure. You know, releasing the desperation, releasing the fear, learning how to regulate your internal state state, so that you're feeling all the things that you're going to feel that you want to feel when you have that partner in that family. Your aim is to be feeling that now. So if you're going to feel calm, happy, awesome, secure, all the good things like you've made it success, all of that kind of stuff, when you have the partner and the family, then your mission now from this point forward is to start feeling that now, like this internal shift has to happen first, or you can kiss the whole thing goodbye. And I totally get if you're still saying like, Oh, do made that happen. Like, you know, like I said, I knew feeling desperate wasn't helpful, but I didn't know how not to feel that way. You know, then I figured this all out. It took me months to figure all of this out. And this is really what step one of my proven framework to find love. The loved up effect is all about, it's called release yourself. And it gives you all the practices, the tools and the techniques, techniques, plus a framework for how to actually use them to release this energy, you know, to release all that stuff that's keeping you stuck feeling pressure, fear, all of those sorts of things, and shift your internal state. So you create the change that you want. You know, so you shift your internal state. So you're at that place where you're feeling calm, happy and awesome. Like most of the time you do that your reality will change. And I get like this throws, like when I learned this, I was like mind blown, like spent weeks like why I've been going through life this whole time, thinking that it was up to me to change my reality, when in fact, when you turn the focus inwards, and this is why it's universal law, like you do this, you will see the change. You know, this has been observed over time for like centuries, that what's happening within you is going to be reflected in your reality. So you change what's happening within you, you change the experiences that you're having. So if you want more information on release yourself, feel free to reach out and let me know because I know like, this isn't stuff that you hear all the time. Like, this isn't stuff where it's like, okay, if I'm feeling really desperate and powerless, and like how do I release that, like, this isn't stuff that like, is out there. It's not mainstream dating advice. But I have a really practical way that I help women do this with so many tools and techniques and practices. And like I said, a framework for how to use it and how to integrate it into your life. So it's not this like weird thing where you're like, What am I doing, but it just becomes this new way of being for you, where you're looking at your internal state, and you're taking action to change that. So once you're taking the steps necessary, and this has to be this has to be like if you have resonated with anything I've said so far, you're feeling like that vise is closing in on you like you're running out of time, there's the pressure, there's the fear, there's the desperation, all of that stuff happening. Even the grief, the shame, the sadness, the jealousy, then this has to be your first step, you have to change what's happening in your internal state. Or like I said, you can kiss the whole thing goodbye, like you'll just stay stuck exactly where it is that you are. So honestly, and I know that some of you who are going to be like, feel like reach out, send me a message on social media and email whatever works for you. I am here to help you do this. This is what I help women do because this is where I was at. And I was like how the hell do you do this and figured it out for myself. And this is what I now help women do. So once you're taking these steps, these steps, the first steps, the necessary steps to release that energy and shift your energetic state so you're feeling more, you know, in alignment with you know, feeling calm and happy and successful and maternal and all the things that you want to feel. Then the next step is really getting clear about what it is that you most want. And I think this is something that sometimes people don't realize, and I want to just talk about this because I'm No, there's some of you who are going to be like, Yeah, I know which, you know, I've Yeah, it's going to become clearer. But becoming a mother and having your own family and having a relationship, they are two separate things. They're two separate desires. And they aren't necessarily linked. You know, like, we were very lucky, we live in a time where you don't actually need a relationship to become a mom. You know, I totally also understand if you're someone that's like, I don't want to have kids alone, I want to have, you know, that person beside me, I want to have the family like I grew up in all of that kind of stuff, whatever it happens to be. A okay as well. But it's just an important question to ask yourself, like, it's a really important question to ask yourself, like, how big is that desire to be a mom and have a child of your own. And if it is bigger than that kind of desire to have a relationship, it's really about saying, Okay, well, I'm gonna go for that. And knowing that it doesn't close you off from having a family or having a relationship at all. You know, I've worked with so many women now that have come to the realization that becoming a mother is actually more important to them than having the relationship so they've made that their focus. And I think it's incredible. Like, it's so incredible, when you really listen to what is right for you, when you make these kinds of decisions, and say, This is what I want, like, this is really what I want, as opposed to saying, This is what I think it has to look like, because this is what everybody else has, or whatever it happens to be. Because you never know how life is going to turn out like life is bloody magic, when you really start to listen to your desires, and you take steps aligned with that. So one of these women that I work with, she has the most epic story that I think is such an incredible reminder about how when you go for what it is that you want, life will unfold in the most incredible of incredible of ways. She decided that her focus would be on becoming a monk, she's like, I don't want to give up on that. So she started down the path to make that happen for herself. But she also kept the door open for dating. She was like, you know, there's no reason why. And I said, there's no reason why you can't date well, you also go down that path as well. She met this incredible man, was completely upfront with her him about her desire to become a mom, and that she was taking steps to make that happen for herself. He was totally supportive of her. He actually has a child of his own from a previous relationship. But they ended up in this really epic and committed relationship, you know, and she's still doing all the things that you need to do to become a mom on your own and do all that thing. And after they'd been together for about six months, he actually said he'd love to be the father of her child. You know, and I just think that this is such an important reminder that it like life doesn't unfold in that kind of way that we think that it has to, you know, like, kind of less, it's sort of not extreme example. But you know, I was, I was always like, no get married first then have kids and Baba Baba had kids first got married. Second. You know, I think it's also another important reminder that all families are different, you know, and people can be brought together in the most magical ways. Another woman who went through my program a few years ago, and she's now married to the most incredible man, as well, she had this desire to be a mom. And I remember she reached out to me with a story that like, totally brought tears to my eyes. Her now husband has a child as well from a previous relationship, and fairly early on in their relationship where she was reading him a bedtime story when he actually called her mom. And she said she had the most powerful moment of realization, that was actually what she was looking for. You know, that was that kind of moment where she's like, Okay, this is where I'm supposed to be. You know, there have also been many women that I've worked with, who have had kids in one relationship have left those relationships, because they weren't right for them, and then gone on to have incredible relationships with other men. So I think it's really about not thinking that life has to be in a certain way. But instead opening up to all the different ways life wants to give you what you want. And so often, it looks so different from what we think it is, you know, and it often doesn't, it doesn't follow that kind of timeline that we have are those expectations of how it should look. And I want to say in saying this, I'm not saying that you can't have what it is that you want, like you can't have, like don't have the desire to have the partner and the family and have it all and the kind of unit that you want it to be in. But just be open. I'm just saying just be open. And this is part of that releasing attachment to how it has to happen, how it has to look, just releasing that attachment and being open to all the ways that it wants to come in for you because it will be perfect. The universe knows so much better than we do, what it is that we want and what it is that is best for us, which is why the next step is so freakin important. And that is literally just taking the Next step in front of you, which right now for most of you is going to be releasing all that energy of desperation, pressure and fear, you know, really getting your internal state to that place where it's like,
free from that pressure, you know, to how it is that you're going to feel when you do have everything that you want, then it comes to taking, and then once you've got that kind of established, and you're taking the steps to really regulate your energy, then it comes to the action that you're taking in the external world. You know, if you want to have the relationship and the baby, but you're single, then you're messy, then your mission is really just to enjoy the dating process, enjoy getting to know men, just the step that is in front of you. You know, put all the thoughts of like the committed relationship, the babies, this is where it's going, like, picturing the guy that you're on a first date with, like, what your children are going to look like, you know, what, how he's going to fit in with your family, and all of that kind of stuff, put all of that to the side, and literally just take the step in front of you, you know, stop doing the math about okay, well, if I've met this guy, now, you know, it'd be another three weeks to maybe we have the committed relationship, and then another six months, till maybe we can start trying to have good, like, put all that to the side, take the step in front of you. Because when you're in that kind of I'm making it happen sort of energy. Like it's awful. I hate to say it so plainly, but it's true. And the decent guys are going to run a mile because like I said, they don't want to be pinned down on date number one, you know, seen as just a means for you to have this problem solved for you. Be okay, taking the time to get to know someone and the more you get relaxed, and okay with taking the time to get to know someone, the faster it's friggin gonna happen for you, I can almost guarantee that the more relaxed you are, the more open you are, the more you're like, I'm just taking this step in front of me, I'm bringing incredible energy to this step that's right in front of me. I'm consciously in this moment of now, it will unfold for you so fast. So if that feels really hard for you, and I get it, I so get it. Because so often, even just going through all of this, I was like me back in the day, I would have so much resistance to all of this. You know, if you have a lot of resistance coming up to this, like, you know, if I'm not planning that out, how is it going to happen? If I'm not on top of all of this? How's it going to happen? If I'm not doing all the strategies I've been told I need to do to date and be awesome. And Baba Baba, how is it going to happen, then you have to clear your energy, you have to clear your energy. And I'll also be writing reminding you and remind yourself to that the how isn't any of your business. The how is none of your business, that is the job of the universe, your business, like I said, all you need to concentrate on is bringing the most incredible energy to the moment of now. And just taking the step in front of you. That is it. Like that is literally it. The universe has the when the WHO THE how completely covered. And the more you get involved in that, the longer it's going to take to have what it is that you want. Whenever I talk about this all my completely loved up lady, so I'm gonna be like that story again. But I always have this visual come up, where and it just, it always would makes it so clear for me to understand. So hopefully it'll do that for you too. But you know, it's like going into a restaurant and putting your order in, and then being like, Okay, well, I'm just gonna go help the chef prepare it and you're in the kitchen and the chef's like, you're actually making this harder, like you're in the way you're not as good at cooking as I am, you know, you're doing it all wrong, you're using the wrong ingredients, that's got to be cooked in a different way. And this is the same thing when you're all involved in when the who and the how it's all going to happen. When you're like in step 57, when you really should just be focusing on that step in front of you right now and the energy that you're bringing to it. When you're over there. It's the same thing. The universe is like, Dude, get out of the frickin way. I'm trying to give you what you want. But you are in the way, go back to your table, chill out, have a glass of wine, talk to your friends and enjoy the present moment. So hopefully that is clear. You know your business what you need to do put the desire out there. And I guarantee you've done that 85 million times the universe knows what it is that you want. Put the desire out there. Clear your energy, get your energy, your internal state, right. It aligned with what it is you want to have come into your life, how it is that you're going to feel when you have the partner and the family and the relationship and then take the next step that has been given to you. You know the year Reverse will give you some crumbs, deliver you the breadbasket to your table, and you say, Okay, I'll eat that now you just take the next step that's been given to you. So if you want to have the whole relationship and family have a great time dating, just enjoy that step that you've been given right now, if you want to be a mum more than you want the relationship, then take whatever that next step is, that is for you, you know, the next step that comes to you, is it talking to a friend who's gone down the same path, whatever it happens to be. And then building on this, the next step after this is really surrendering to what is, you know, and again, this is about bringing in, you know, a really beautiful energy, it's like letting go of that attachment, and bringing in this beautiful energy of love and trust in the universe. You know, coming to this place of love and acceptance about where it is you are now, even if it isn't what you want. And knowing that when you do that, you've stepped out of the way of the universe to deliver the absolute best to you. So even if that visual that I gave you works for you, just put yourself okay, I'm gonna get out of the frickin kitchen, the stress and the like all the stuff in the kitchen, it's not my job to do that, I'm gonna go back to the table where I'm supposed to be, and just chill out with my friends and drink a glass of wine and have a beautiful time in this lovely restaurant. This is what step three of the lub dub perfect be yourself is all about giving you the tools and techniques and practices to do this, because I understand that trying to surrender, let go of the outcome. You know, it's hard, I spent years trying to figure this one out. You know, I am such, like, I'll do it by myself, thank you very much. Make it happen. Don't rely on anyone else kind of a person. So for me, really letting go of that kind of attachment was hard. I was like, How is it gonna? Even now like, there's that part of me that's like, well, how is it gonna happen if I'm not doing it, it's like, dude, the universe is doing it. It's like way bigger than you.
I think the other thing I really want to talk about is that surrender is particularly important, like particularly important, like mastering this, like letting go of the outcome, and really being okay with what it's like bringing that really consciously bringing that energy of love and acceptance to where it is that you are right now. It's particularly important when it comes to bringing like a new life into being, which is what having a kid is all about. You know, obviously, we live in a time where we can medically support conception and the whole thing, which is absolutely epic. But ultimately, again, there's this power that's much bigger than us, which decides when a new life is ready to be brought into being. And I think sometimes we can kind of forget that this is what it's about. It's like a new soul coming into the world. You know, it's more than just about having a baby. And I think really, when you connect him with that bigger kind of like power that's around the whole thing. You know, it's outside the realm of what we humans can do, like, and this is why I think like it's childbirth, and the whole thing is such a friggin miracle, because it's a whole new soul that is ready to come, you know, have the human experience here on Earth, you know, and you when you think about it, there are women who have everything, they're doing everything, right, you know, using all the resources that we have to help bring life into being and it still doesn't happen for them. It's still this like, really hard, hard slog, you know, and conversely, there are people who are getting pregnant all the time and don't actually want to be, you know, and I think there's something insane when you take a step back, and you see having a baby in this way, like there's kind of no rhyme or reason to it. And I think it's because it comes from the universe, it's like, when a soul is ready to be born, it's like, okay, and here are the parents that I meant to have this person here, you know, every baby is completely unique, with a totally unique journey in front of them, you know, which is bigger than us, like, we, it's so much bigger than us. And I'm reminded of this all the time with my own kids. You know, we're just the people that they came here through to be on Earth, like they've got this whole other life ahead of them. And I think there is some, there's this whole bigger, universal kind of magic that comes together. That's something that we can't ever control, like, we can never control this. And I hope in some ways, like just connecting in with this bigger idea of what it is like to have a child and a family and all that kind of thing really releases that pressure that you're feeling to make it happen. You know, make it happen yourself or make it happen by a certain time. Because you can't you just cannot do that your timeline is your timeline only. You know, it's not necessarily the timeline that the universe operates on. You know, there's a soul out there. You know, if you're meant to be a mom, and if you have the desire, then you are then there's a soul out there. that is meant to be in your life. Who knows who that is, when they're coming into your life, this is this stuff. Oh, no say, this is the stuff that the universe knows, we don't know this. So I also want you to know, and I just touched on this, then that what is meant for you will not pass you by, you know, universe, God source, whatever you want to call it, it has a plan. And like I said, if there is a soul, like you have that desire, you know, then there's a soul that you're meant to bring into life. Maybe not even bring into life yourself, but be their mother, be that mother figure for this soul, you know, then that is actually going to happen for you. And it's going to happen in a way that is the highest good for everybody involved. For everybody involved. There's this bigger kind of plan around all of this, around having a new person coming to the world. So let me know, I want to know, does that kind of like taking it from this bigger sort of perspective, does that make it feel a little better for you, you're knowing that it's not up to you to make it happen. I hope this lessens that pressure that you feel where it's like, the more you try to make it happen, the more the universe is like dude, go sit at your table, all you have to do is simply prioritize how you feel, take the next step in front of you, knowing that it's all taken care of. I'd love to know, too, if you still have a ton of resistance coming up to that, you know, that resistance, it might be saying, this doesn't apply to me, no way, can I do this, this isn't going to work for me, this isn't going to work for me, because bla bla bla bla bla, you know, I totally understand if you have a whole lot of resistance coming up for you. You know, this biological clock pressure and all the fear related to it typically runs really deep. You know, especially if you're someone like me who like loves, like logic, logic and facts and evidence. So you have all this stuff, where it's like your brain, your mind just like clings to it where it's like, but you're this age, you're this age, and so and so said that you can't have kids after this age, and you only have this many egg numbers, you know, and it's like you it feels like it's so black and white. You know, and if you're if you're that if you're just that way inclined, and you're like, but all this evidence is like, contrary to what it is that I've just said. But it's still ticking, and it's not going to happen for me. All that means is you have a lot happening in your unconscious mind. You know where you're in this identity, you see yourself as this woman over, you know, the age where you can't have kids or getting close to the age where you think you can't have kids, you see yourself as someone that's running out of time, you know, when you have all the beliefs that support you in that, like I am running out of time to have kids, I'm not going to be able to have kids, I'm scared that I'm not going to be able to have the family, I can't have it, I only have a you left, whatever it happens to be, you know, and I expect most of you to have a lot of resistance to what I've said, because you're gonna have all of this stuff happening in your unconscious mind. And I'm challenging that now. And we got to challenge those beliefs, we've got to challenge the identity that you're in right now that you're running out of time that you're too old, you know, this identity that you're in as the single woman that's about to be left on the shelf, the auntie that everybody's going to pity the woman that has only has her job and is going to end up old and lonely or however it is you've painted yourself and your future. painted yourself the situation that you're in and your future. Because as long as you stay in that identity stay in those stories, then what you're going to live is that programming is that story is all that stuff that's happening in your unconscious mind, it's always going to be what it is you experience. So if you have any of that resistance coming up to what I've been saying, it doesn't mean that what I'm saying isn't true or doesn't apply to you. All this means is that what I have been saying conflicts with the internal programming that you have in your unconscious mind that has created the reality that you're in right now. And what we need to do, again, it's all about what's happening within you is changed that change your unconscious programming. So it reflects a story that you want to tell. You know that I have the whole family, that I'm able to have children, that I still have time to meet someone that I'm going to meet someone that I'm going to be the most incredible mother, all of that kind of stuff. And again, this is what we do inside step two of the laughter perfect love yourself. Go into all of these stories that you're telling yourself that are creating the reality that you're experiencing and changing those. And I get how big this feels like I get how big these fields how insurmountable like I remember feeling the same way about all of this myself. Like you're battling science facts, evidence, you know, whatever it happens to be in essence, like dark cloud of a problem that's always in your back of your mind. Like, how am I going to solve this? How am I going to solve this? How am I ever going to freakin solve this? You know, and obviously, I don't have the power to guarantee anything about anybody's life. But what I do know for sure is that if you continue to allow this problem, to affect your internal state, you're going to stay stuck feeling desperate hopelessness, you're going to be trying to control it all. And then you're going to stay stuck exactly where you are, without the family that you want. So to summarize, if you're feeling that pressure from your biological clock, if you're feeling that fear, I'm running out of time, it's not going to happen for me, then these are your steps forward so that you can move into and start creating what it is that you want. Number one, and this is like, you don't get to go to step two, until you've done number one, get out of the energy of pressure, desperation, fear, worry, anxiety, all of that stuff, you've got to get out of that energy first. And again, if you want help doing that, reach out, let me know. Then get clear about what it is that you do want. Then just take the next step in front of you, bringing that incredible energy to this moment of now, surrendering to what is loving where you're at right now. And then changing the programming that's in your unconscious mind. So you telling yourself that story. Like it's all changing. I'm meeting the incredible men all of a sudden I can see the whole future now. I'm feeling really good, all of that kind of stuff. So if you're feeling again, like I said, I know that this is feels like such a massive kind of thing to overcome. So if you're feeling like the steps that I've walked you through seem impossible to take where you're like, Oh my I don't even know where to start.
Then this is what I'm here to help you do. Like this is my jam. This is what I'm here to help women do. So reach out to me because I'm here to support you. Like honestly I'm here to support you. I get all these feelings. I get how big they seem. I get how you're like but there's there's this pressure and how do I release the pressure and it's all just massive. Reach out to me because I am here to help you. So if this episode was helpful for you, please leave me a review. If you have any questions related to this as well. Ask away and I shall see you or you can hear me on the next episode.
