Okay, so you're here listening to this podcast because you want to find love to have that incredible relationship. You know where you're creating the most epic life with the most epic man, right? And this can seem like a far off dream when it feels like no matter how hard you try, you can't even seem to get like a decent date. You know, when you're stuck constantly attracting all the commitment phobic, emotionally unavailable players with 45,000 red flags, you know, and who only want one thing swiping through that same kind of guy that just gives you the egg with all their propositioning messages, you know, month after month, year after year. If that's what you're experiencing, then yes, it's a problem that we got to get solved ASAP. Because as long as you're attracting the men that you don't want in your life, that dream relationship will stay just a dream. So this episode is the first of three episodes that I will be releasing over the next week that are going to help you solve this problem and give you the knowledge that you need to attract the quality men that you want in your life. Right now we're gonna get into why you're stuck attracting all the duds by busting some of the biggest myths, misconceptions, and revealing some of the biggest mistakes that you're likely making right now that are stopping you from attracting the incredible men. I am so excited to get into this. Let's do it now.
Welcome to the loved up effect Podcast. I'm Emily Bucknell, here to get you from demoralized and single to empowered, confident, and in the loving arms of your dream guy, if you're a smart, successful woman with a lot of love to give, but no matter what you do, how hard you try or how much you want to, you just don't seem to be getting any closer to love than you are in the right place. I'm here to answer your biggest and most frustrating questions when it comes to dating love and relationships in a way that no one else will get ready for practical, no BS and powerful AF insights that will lead you to laugh. Are you ready? Let's get into today's episode.
Okay, so obviously, you're here listening to this pod pod podcast pod passed.
Because you want to find love, like you want to have that incredible relationship with that person by your side, and you're on the same page, and you're creating the most epic life with the most epic men, right? Like, you've probably wanted that love, like to have that whole vision, you've probably wanted that to come into your life for like the last five or more years. So knowing that you're at that point, you know, you're probably at that point of total frustration that it hasn't frickin happened yet. You know, knowing that I want to get you taking some massive steps towards having what you want having that vision having that relationship, like ASAP. And that starts with the first massive problem that we have to solve. You know, solving this problem will literally get some of you into your dream relationships straight up. You know, if you're like me, and a lot of other women, you might need a step or two more, that is a okay, I've got you either way. But either way this problem comes first it has to be your first and your top priority. So the first step in having your dream love in having that dream relationship is literally attracting the kind of quality men that you want to have a relationship with, you know, that want the same things as you that want to have that relationship, you know, that are ready and open to meet you there that want to create that life with you. So as long as you're only attracting all those like commitment phobic, emotionally unavailable players, you know, the guys with 45,000, red flags, the ones that only want one thing clearly the ones that leave you hanging in situations, chips, and then break your heart. You know, as long as you're attracting those guys, then having that epic, you know, relationship of your dreams. Like it's impossible. Like you can't have your dream relationship you can't find love. If you cannot find a decent date, which I know sounds a little harsh, you know, but it's true. And it's likely not news to you either.
But what I want you to do right now is put that dream, you know, that dream of having the incredible relationship, the life together the family, just put that to the side for the moment. And what we're going to do is focus 100% on the step that's in front of you, which is doing what you need to do to start attracting the quality men. That wasn't the kind of relationship that you do because everything else will flow from there. Like you got to learn how to walk before you can run. And I also want to like totally recognize that this is also likely a problem that you have been trying to solve by yourself for months, years, perhaps even decades. So I know that you know I really want to recognize like and be and acknowledge all the time and the effort and the energy that you've been putting in already to figure this
All out, it is not a small thing. You know, I know myself how much it took from me like how soul destroying was trying to figure this all out by myself like nine years ago you know I know how you feel and I recognize how you just keep showing up for yourself like year after year taking on all the advice all the information around you putting it into action, and never really getting any closer to attracting anyone that you feel like remotely resembles your dream guy like I get that. And I also want to take start now by taking a closer look at what you have been doing, you know to change up who it is that you're attracting so that you do start meeting those quality men who will give you the relationship of your dreams because if you're like most women that come to me you know that have been spending the last year probably a hell of a lot longer than the last year swiping through those same kind of men you know those photos that just give you the air like the greased up abs like the fishing photos the here's my fast car for you know an all the late night invitations to come over you know attracting those like I said those same like non committal guys the emotional valence unavailable ones, the ones that are on all talk and they're actually never lined up with what they actually say, you know, just attracting those same kind of guys over and over and over again. If you're then then under if you're there and that's what's happening for you then understandably like you're frustrated, you know, because here you are putting all this effort in full on trying to find someone awesome doing what you've been told to do and what do you get like the rejects? Well then you look around and it seems like everybody else like I was in this situation to where you look around you like where did my friends seem to find these incredible guys? Why just seem to end up with these like, you know, okay people but just not like like why?
If that's you then I want you to know that what I've learned in the last four years as a dating coach and having now worked with that, like 10s of 1000s of women weather and the free training events that I have, through my program one on one coaching, what I've learned is that if that's what you're experiencing, then you're most likely making one of these three mistakes and I sometimes don't even like calling them mistakes because you don't even realize like you don't know right now that these are mistakes. Number one is that you're literally trying to find your dream guy you know and I know you can't just sit around and wait for him to knock on your door you know and if you're like me and the Make It Happen kind of a girl you've done all the research about where and how quality men men are most likely to be found like be on Bumble instead of Tinder make sure you're kind of like trying to meet them through your friends so you know anytime you're invited out anywhere and you think okay there might be single guys oh that I don't know you're like yes I'm on it I'm going you know you've heard that like you know they appear when you're not looking so you make sure that you look your best anytime you're out and about just in case it happens without you like really looking even though you are really looking aren't you know that you need to be at the upmarket grocery stores live music events like the list goes on and on and on all that stuff out there about this is where the eligible amazing single guys hang out and you're like, Okay, I'm gonna go find him. Number two is that you're trying to be who you think men want which makes total sense like if you want to attract an epic men become the person that he wants. So you're trying to often this is what women do and this is what I used to do I did a whole course like how to be in my feminine energy I was like oh you know the incredible men want like feminine energy kind of women who aren't like you know make it happen kind of chill they're more chilled out easygoing. So you have to be in your feminine energy have like bang in body you got to make sure you wear red dresses on first dates perfume that the remember you buy give them that kind of like next girl girl next door girl vibe with a little bit of something extra you know be easygoing chilled out also flirty, hard to get like you're doing all the things to be who you think they want. And number three, it's very likely that you've been sucked into all the chat about how hard it is to find a decent man. You know how inconsistent unreliable disappointing untrustworthy most men are and how soul destroying and awful dating is when you're over 30 You're smart and you're successful. So which one of these three things are you doing? Doesn't matter if it's all three? I was doing all three myself. And it's a okay to if you're surprised that these are mistakes, because at least those first two like trying to find the decent men and be who you think they want is what mainstream dating advice and what most dating coaches are all about. I
I made these mistakes myself for years like you Google. And it's like, all this stuff comes up, you know, I have this like full on, come to Jesus moment and figure it out, you know the thing that actually changed everything for me. So the first thing that I want you to understand is that you cannot find the quality men, it isn't like they're lost, or they're hiding. And when you think about it, the epic man that you're looking for, he wants to have a relationship with you, too. He wants to be in your life as much as you want him in your life. So it's not up to you to be on some kind of mission to like, track him down and let him know that you exist. Which means that taking all the action, like you have a better chance of finding him on Bumble, or eHarmony, or at the upmarket grocery stores, or the hardware store, or the local park run, like all of that stuff. It's a big old waste of your time and energy. And that's only it's only gonna leave you feeling like, frustrated, like, it's not happening for me, like, you may as well be trying to find a needle in a haystack. You know, there's a reason why people say they'll appear when you're not looking. Because there's an infinite amount of ways that someone can appear in your life. And you're not actually giving yourself better odds at finding him by being on what you think are the better apps, you know, spending more time swiping getting out there more. Like one person, when you think about it, one person can spend, like getting a year on Tinder getting nothing but hook up, hook up offers, someone else can hop on and like boom, meets a love of her life almost immediately. And you hear these stories all the time, you know? So if it's not up to you to find them, then what exactly do you focus on? Because I get it. And I know a lot of you right now are going to be like screaming at me. Like, it's not about then sitting around and waiting for him to fall in your lap. I'm not saying that at all. It's about attraction, attraction. You don't find the quality men you attract them, but not in the way that you're thinking. Because despite what mainstream dating advice would have you believe attraction has very little to do with your physical appearance, the way that you interact with men, or being who you think those quality guys want. There. This is like
we're so many women just go when when you're not attracting the kind of guys that you want into your life is really to that line of thinking, like and saying this to yourself, like these are the thoughts that went through my own mind. Like I'm not attracting someone awesome. So therefore, I'm not attractive. You know, there's something wrong with me. And I hear this from so many women when they first come to me. Like, I just feel like there's something wrong with me. It's either in the way that I look or the way that I interact with men, or I'm really crappy at dating. And I have to change those things like the way I look the way I interact with men, in order to become someone that men that the men I want find attractive, which makes logical sense. Like it makes logical sense. It's just too bad that it has horrible and totally unintended consequences in practice, like it doesn't work. And it isn't ever going to work. And here's why. When you consider your dream relationship, it's a relationship where you're loved as you are exactly as you are, like, you don't have to put on some show. You're already seen. You're understood, you're appreciated for you in the rarest and truest sense of who you are. So when you're out there trying to be who you think what men want, you actually attract the guys that are attracted to that version of you. That isn't actually you. This is a version of you that feels crap about herself. That doesn't feel like she's enough as she is.
And it's not a coincidence then that you're attracting the guys that don't seem to really care about you that aren't genuinely interested in you that don't want commitment. And I'm right on i That's who you're attracting. You know, the amount of times I was dumped by guys who literally told me I was the whole package, but just not for them. And if that's happened to you, you'll understand how freaking frustrating that is where you're like here I am clearly doing everything right and it still doesn't happen for me.
Your physical appearance or how good you are playing hard to get or being in your feminine energy or doing whatever else you think you need to do. doesn't guarantee you anything. Like when you look around you'll see that not all stunningly attractive women have their dream relationships, and there are less attractive and less perfect women who do you know the way you look how good you are at dating, the way you interact with men is literally like
1% of what makes you attractive to the quality men that you want in your life.
So the question that is what makes up the 99%? Like what makes the absolute world of difference when it comes to who you're attracting into your life? Like what is attraction really about? This is exactly what I'm going to be walking you through on the next episode or in the next episode, so that you know exactly what you need to start focusing on to attract the quality men in your life. Cannot wait to get into that part two of this series on attraction.
