So are you really unlucky in love? And I get it, it can seem like you are unlucky in love when you're doing all of the things to find love, yet nothing seems to ever fall into place for you. You know, especially when you look around and all your friends have fallen into the most incredible relationships so easily. They seem so lucky in love and you don't. But it feels pretty powerless, doesn't it? When you say that you're just unlucky? Like there's nothing you can do about it. It's all out of your control. But is that really true? Do you really have no control over whether or not you find love is finding love? Really up to luck? Absolutely not. As you're going to discover Inside today's episode, you're going to learn why I say this and what you need to do to become empowered in control and taking action that gets you closer to love that turns your luck around. So let's not waste another second and get into today's episode. Welcome to the loved up effect Podcast. I'm Emily Buckner, here to get you from demoralized, in single to empowered, confident, and in the loving arms of your dream guy, if you're a smart, successful woman with a lot of love to give, but no matter what you do, how hard you try or how much you want it. You just don't seem to be getting any closer to love than you are in the right place. I'm here to answer your biggest and most frustrating questions when it comes to dating love and relationships in a way that no one else will get ready for practical, no BS and powerful AF insights that will lead you to love. Are you ready? Let's get into today's episode. For the time, it's both a question and a statement that people make quite often too. Like, why am I so unlucky in love? Or like I am so unlucky in love this idea of being lucky or unlucky in love? You know, and I get like I said in the intro, I totally get why you're asking this question. Like, why is it Why does it seem that I'm so unlucky, you know, especially if you're someone and you look around and you're like, okay, all my friends have just fallen into these incredible relationships. They barely even had to try and look at them now. And then look at me here wanting love wanting a relationship more than anything. I'm busting my absolute you know what, like trying all the things taking the action, and nothing ever falls into place. For me it can be really easy to say okay, look at how easily it happened that them. Look how hard it is for me, I must be unlucky. Why am I so lucky? Why do they get it? Why do I not get it? So really, this episode is really about breaking down this kind of luck and love and how this sort of works or doesn't work together. And even just starting this off by talking about like what luck actually is. And luck. If you Google or look it up in the dictionary will say that luck is success or failure brought about by chance. So like totally random, there's no cause behind it. And it's really I love it when this happens. I seriously love it. When this happens. I was planning this episode. And actually, I don't know where I, somebody recommended this book. To me the magic of thinking big by David J. Schwartz, and I was reading this a couple of nights ago, has this whole section about chance about chance. And really this quote stood out to me nothing happens without a cause. Nothing happens without a cause. Like There literally is no such thing as luck. No such thing as like, everything has a cause everything that happens has a cause, you know, and just to use an example. A super funny example. The other day, I got stuck at my son's music lesson because my car battery died. You know, so many people think you can say oh my god, what bad luck. Like that's the kind of thing that stuff happens. car breaks down flat tire. It's like, okay, what bad luck. So often we say that. But no, there was actually a cause why that happened. The battery was old, it needed replacing. And I was also sitting for about 30 minutes in the car with the ignition off. Like there was a cause that's why the battery died. You could also say that was good luck that my brother in law happened to be around the corner at the mechanic. He borrowed some jumper leads and helped me. But then there was also a cause for all of that there was a reason that he was at the mechanic at that moment. I had called my husband who had spoken to him before and knew he was just around the corner. So he was like, I know he can help you. So yeah, while it was handy as all hell and it worked out really well for me. There was a cause behind it all. It wasn't totally random. It wasn't totally random. Nothing is ever totally random. And I don't know even when I was thinking about all of this. I don't know why I often remember that. movie like I think it was like the 90s maybe 2000s Pretty sure was no it would have been the 90s sliding doors. Gwyneth Paltrow was in that. And it goes to through these like two vastly different ways that her life can go based on one little decision that she makes I forget what the decision is. But she, I think she either goes to straight to work, or she goes to work and then comes home and catches her boyfriend cheating on her like in their bed kind of situation. But it just goes like there's one moment in her life like, I totally changed the course of her whole life, like she had these two totally different experiences of life. You know, one decision, one teeny tiny decision that you make can have an incredible ripple effect. Also, you probably have heard of the the butterfly effect, this idea that a butterfly flapping its wings, can create these changes in the atmosphere that ultimately can alter the path of or to have a tornado, you know, or prevent the occurrence of a tornado or like these huge effects that has this kind of big snowball, like create something massive somewhere else, everything has a cause there's no such thing as luck. Everything is caused by something, you know, if you don't, and kind of bringing this back to like everyday life stuff, like if you don't get a job that you've applied for, you know, it's not that often that you'd say, Oh, my God, I was just unlucky. You know, if you apply for a job, and you don't get it, generally, it's because somebody else has more experienced, they've answered the interview questions better. They know someone who knows someone who got them in, it's not down to luck. You know, same thing, if you're out looking for a new house to live in, and you don't get the one that you want. It's not because you're unlucky, it's because someone else offered more, they had the money ready to go there, had the application done all of that kind of stuff. There's a cause to everything. I hope you get the sense now. So what you're experiencing in your love life is actually caused by something. It isn't simply bad luck, which is what a lot of women say, like I said, I hear this so often, you know, I'm so unlucky in love. Why am I so unlucky in love, which, like I said, in the intro, is it like incredibly disempowering thing to say, it's literally saying, There is nothing I can do about this, I'm at the mercy of something that's totally outside my control, it's all left up to chance. And if this is what is happening inside you, you know, then the thoughts that are running through your mind, you know, related to this, I'm just so unlucky in love, there's nothing I can do about this, then it's gonna be bloody difficult for you to find love. Because if you're saying this to yourself, if you're saying that there's nothing that you can do to find love, are you going to bother putting yourself out there? If you're like, This is all up to chance anyway? Like, what's the point in putting yourself through the whole process of dating? Are you going to be bothering to put yourself out there, you're going to bother to swipe through people? Are you going to bother to go on dates? You know, you're going to be making much effort then to at all to find love? Are you going to be like, if you're feeling like you're in this really powerless state where you're like, frustrated and nothing's changing, there's nothing I can do about this. Is that you being your most magnetic self, you know, are you going to be attracting the incredible men it's like highly unlikely from that place. Which again, then kind of reinforces that feeling that you're so unlucky in love, because you're not taking nothing is really changing, because you're stuck in kind of hemmed in by this idea that you're powerless and this feeling that you're powerless. But that's not you, though. Is it in its entirety? Yeah, you might be saying that. But I want to go a little bit deeper and show you that that isn't totally you. Because you were here, you're listening to this podcast. So that says to me that while you may have this kind of idea of like, Yeah, I'm unlucky in love. You don't believe that? It's a life sentence. Because you're looking for what you can do to change what's happening in your love life. You know, you're someone that's like, Okay, I need to listen to this, I need help here. I need to figure out a way forward. You know, and like Byron, Katie said, I'm reading another one of her books too. I've become that person that reads like 100 books at once. Reality is always kinder than the stories that we tell about it.
So plain and simple, what you're experiencing in your love life, it's actually caused by something. And I have a fair idea of what that is, which I'm going to help you understand, so that you know what you need to do to get back into the driver's seat of your life and frickin fine controls and get out of this really powerless. I mean, it's all up to chance, there's nothing I can do, please get back into it. Get back into that empowered place so that you can find love. You know, start taking the action that will set stuff up for you, that will become that cause that gives gets you into that role. relationship that you want. So first of all, let's look at what causes you to not find love. Because like I said, going back to what we've just talked about, there's a cause for absolutely everything. So if you're not finding love right now, then there's a cause there's a reason why there is a reason why it's not about chance, it's not about luck. The action that you're currently taking to find love isn't working. That's cause most women like including me back in the day think, Okay, love is not happening magically, for me, you know, I better do something about that, like, you know, you're kind of sitting there and you're like, Okay, is it gonna happen? Is it gonna happen? It doesn't really happen. So you think, Well, I guess I've got to take some action here. And then what most of us do is like Google, how to find love, you start reading blogs from dating experts start, you know, going down the like dating coach path, like those mainstream kind of dating coaches that aren't teaching what I do PS, you know, listening to advice from friends and family, following those dating coaches on social media, all of that kind of stuff. You're getting all this advice from these kinds of sources, okay, this is what I need to do to find love. And what I want you to know, is that pretty much all the advice that you're gonna get from those mainstream sources, it doesn't work, it doesn't work, and it's gonna leave you feeling like you're just unlucky in love winning, when in actual fact, you're simply taking the wrong action to find love. And this action, so this general kind of action that we're told to do, it's like you google how to find love, you're going to find there's two categories of action that you're going to be told to take. Number one being trying to be more attractive. So really focusing on you and the other one being following like all the dating rules. And I guarantee I guarantee that if you're feeling unlucky in love right now, then it's because you're taking action that falls into one most likely both of these categories. So what is the kind of what I call the be more attractive action. And this is literally all the advice that tells you that the key to finding love is to be more attractive to men. So understandably like you hear this, okay? If I want to attract a man, if I want to attract a really good guy, then I've got to be more attractive. If I'm not attracting them, I've got to be more attractive. So then you go back to Google or whatever, and you start researching, okay, well, what a men find attractive. I'll become what they find attractive, and then I'll attract them. You make it your mission to become that to be who you think they want. So all of this stuff, and there's like an endless list of stuff like, okay, men find women in red dresses, attractive. I remember reading that. So like wear red dresses on first dates. And some of the stuff that I'm reading, I'm like, Oh my gosh, I can't believe I did all these things. But like, okay, wear perfume that's like, not overpowering. That's kind of subtle, but it's like a bit different. So they remember you buy something, you know, they go home, and they're like, oh, I can still smell her. That was amazing. That sounds really weird. You know, having your hair down, they want someone that looks like free and easy. Oh, that didn't mean to say it that way I love but like someone who looks natural, have the girl next door makeup. Like make sure your body looks a certain way lose the weight. You know, whatever else you think you have to change about yourself in order to be attractive to men. Make sure you sure Show off your assets a bit, but not too much. All of that kind of stuff is that what I call the be more attractive action. And then the dating rules action is the other category of action that you'll find that you're told to take. And this is like the absolute endless list of action that you're supposed to take when it comes to dating, you know and relates to kind of the way that you need to act as well when it comes to men. So stuff like playing hard to get but flirty as well. Being in your feminine energy you can't possibly be masculine like can't possibly gotta be in your like sit back and relax and let them take care of everything feminine energy, don't you dare Don't you dare respond to a message straightaway you've got to keep them hanging keep them waiting, like three hours. You know, don't initiate contact. Don't speak your needs. So you don't seem needy or desperate. So if they say hey, I don't really want a relationship you go that's okay. And hopefully he'll change his mind later. You know all this stuff. Like write these specific things on your dating profile put for hot photos of your friends on your dating profile so that they know you're not any a loser. Like, my God. It's literally an endless list of stuff that you can do. What I want you to understand is that this action will not help you find love. Yet it's it's what we're told to do by pretty much everyone out there. You know that you just need to keep at it. Keep doing All of this even though it makes you feel awful, like how do you feel taking that action? I don't think there's anybody that enjoys like, Okay, I've got to look a certain way in order to be attractive, and act in a way that feels totally foreign to me in order to, like find love. Even though it makes you feel awful, and it's getting you nowhere. We're told, just keep doing it, keep doing it, keep doing it. And all of this is what I call mainstream dating advice. It's everywhere. It's like the big go anywhere. What how do I find love, this is what you're going to find the be more attractive action that this is how you date action. But like I said, it's total BS that does not work, it only makes you feel crap about yourself, and that you're unlucky in love. You know, and then you follow with this advice that you're told is going to work. And then it doesn't work. So then you assume that you're just unlucky. So it's a cycle that keeps going round and round. And all it does is leave you feeling terrible, utterly powerless. And like you're never going to find love. Here is why it doesn't work. Ultimately, you think about that dream relationship that you have. Like, ultimately, what that is you being loved for exactly who you are. That's what we all want. That love where it's like, This is who I am. I'm not trying to be anybody but me and you love me, that will never end cannot ever happen as long as you're showing up as who you think you have to be. As opposed to who you generally are. If you're like, This is who I have to be in order to find love. This is who I I have to I think this is who I think they want. So I'll be that, then the epic guys that want to love you, they never actually even get to meet you. They just get to meet this, like, who I think I need to be version of you. The other thing I want you to understand is that your dream relationship, like when you pitch it, that dream relationship, it is utterly unique to you. What you want is different to what I want is different to like everybody else listening to this podcast. So it's gonna happen in a way that is unique to you. So following that mainstream generic dating advice as a strategy, like put this on your profile, use Bumble instead of Tinder, make sure you're swiping this many times a day, don't reply to text message like all of that crap. It's generic dating advice. Generic dating advice, when what you want to find is unique. So it's pretty much guaranteed to not work. And if the action that you're taking to find love isn't working, and just think about it, you have years of evidence that what you have been doing to find love hasn't been working, then continuing to take the same action and hoping for a different result is like literally like what Einstein said It's insanity. What I want you to understand is that finding love has very little to do with what you look like, or what dating related action you take. And everything to do with you specifically what is happening inside you. And this is why you can literally be the hottest, most lovely, amazing woman what every guy is looking for you. And by the way, how many of you have had those like breakups where they're like, you're amazing, you'll make so many other guys happy yet they still break up with you. So you can be whatever you guys looking for you can be like, just incredible, and still be single as all hell. This is why exactly why one person can go on Tinder and spend like yours only attracting the guys that want hookups and someone else can find the love of her life on there. Almost immediately. I'll say it again. Get it in there. Finding love has very little to do with what you look like, or the dating related action that you're taking and everything to do with what is happening inside you. Because life is a reflection. Everything that you're experiencing right now. Live your reality. It's a reflection of what's actually happening inside you. I love this quote Neale Donald Walsch, from his book Conversations with God, if you don't go within you go without.
So what this means is that the way that you're wired, like and we're all wired differently, your values, your beliefs, the way you see yourself, the way you see the world, the patterns, the patterns and habits that you have all the past experiences that you're holding on to all of that stuff that's happening at that really deep level within you. That all determines the thoughts that you think the thoughts that you think create the emotions that you feel so if you're saying to yourself like I'm unlucky in love that's what you're thinking. You know, it creates those emotions you feel like crap, you feel powerless. You feel desperate, you feel like despair. If you're thinking oh my Gosh, I'm so lucky in love, you know, brings in an entirely different emotion, happiness, excitement, joy. And those emotions really are the energy that you're putting out into the world, which both inspires the action that you take. And ultimately, the reality you create what you actually attract into your life. So thinking back to what I said earlier, you know, you're saying, we'll go into this a little bit further. If you're saying that you're unlucky in love, then how are you feeling? Like powerless, dejected, apathetic? All of those kinds of stuff? It's like despair. It's like, what even is the point of this? Like I said, what action? Are you going to be taking from that place? Like, probably not a whole lot? Or you're gonna be like, swiping What the hell's the point? It never goes the way I want it to? Why would I do that? What I want you to understand, too, is that that emotion that you have that powerlessness, feeling dejected and despair and all of that kind of stuff, means you're at that lower vibrational energy. And you attract what your energy is. And then what results are you getting when you're coming at love finding love from that place, you know, if you're not putting yourself out there, if your energy is like that, you're not attracting what it is that you want. And that just further goes to reinforce that deeper belief that you have that you're unlucky in love. So this is what I want you to understand is that I'm here to help you do this, I'm here to help you go within, you know, become aware of and consciously change all of this stuff that's happening within you at the deepest level, you know, your wiring your unconscious programs, those values, beliefs, the way that you see yourself, the world, the habits that you have, you know, your ways of being within your energetic system. So that the way that you think and feel so that changes, the energy that you put out into the world changes, and it inspires you to take action based on what's coming up specifically for you. Because your action steps, like I said, that dream relationship of yours is unique to you. So the action that you're going to take to get there is unique to you as well. And it comes from you. When you start to go within you start to get those steps forward towards what it is that you want. That's how you find your dream love. This is how you cause it to happen. So you consciously change what's happening within you. And that is what causes and I use, like air quotes here your luck to change when it comes to love. So like I said, hopefully this is this will be clear by now. I'm not about some like mainstream generic. This is what everybody says you have to do to find love thing because it doesn't work. It does not work. This is what makes you feel like you're unlucky in love. And this is something like honestly, I get so passionate about because I followed all this crap for years. You know googling how to find love following so many like dating coaches out there. And you know, blogs about this. I think back in the day, I was reading magazines still too. But like, articles, this is what you need to do to be more attractive. This is how you date this is how you text to like appeal to his reptilian brain are like full on crazy stuff, like so generic, and it never actually worked. Because it is generic. And so it's been my mission. And this is what I'm so passionate about is giving you a way forward a different way forward, that does work that changes again, air quotes, your luck when it comes to love. You know, and I just I do I get so passionate because I know there are millions of women right now. You know, who are like a cam taking all the steps, I'm doing what I've been told to do to find love and who are in that place. And I know there's gonna be a lot of you I've had so many people reach out to me this week actually, just saying I feel free and awful. I can't take any more of this, I'm doing everything I've been told to do. And nothing ever goes away. I want it to you know, it's a soul destroying place to be where you're doing all of this and it's not working. And it's because it's the wrong action. So what I teach, really, it's a whole other way to find love, that won't do that to you, it won't cause your suffering. What I am beyond passionate about one of my biggest values is empowerment is building you up empowering you so that you have this feeling like you step into this feeling like you're just the absolute bombshell that you are, you know, giving you the most incredible magical powerful perspective on life. You know, and of course, having you tap into the action, that to find love that actually gets you there tapping into that action that comes from you. So you take the action that gets you results. So not only does it not leave you feeling like crap, it builds you up and you take action that gets you to where it is that you want to be. You know, I'm so about getting you out of that I'm just so unlucky in love thing, pulling you out of that shoving you in the driver's seat of your life. And literally putting into motion exactly what is gonna cause your again, air quotes, luck to change. It's about changing the cause. It's about saying, okay, am I doing? What is actually working? Or is it not? You know, so if you're someone and you're saying, oh my gosh, I'm so unlucky in love. You know, you're someone. And it's like, every birthday for the last three years or more, you're like, This is the last one that I'm going to be single for. And then it's not, you know, just nothing ever seems to change for you. Or perhaps you're at that kind of point where you feel like it's easy to give up on love. And this is what I've had so many so many people reaching out, particularly this week, I like, I just cannot do this anymore. I'm just so exhausted. I'm so soul destroyed. I want it so badly. I've trying so hard. And I just it's more heartbreak, more disappointment, and I just can't take it anymore. Like, why is it so hard for me to find love, when it's so easy for everybody else around me. Or like me back in the day, you're at that place where you just dread Sunday's, you know, just, they always felt like the longest day of the week where all my friends coupled up doing couple things. And if you don't make this massive effort to plan your day and keep busy, then you just get stuck with this huge hole kind of reminder of how alone that you are. So this is where you're at, then I want you to know that I've actually created a brand new workshop specifically for you. You know, it's complete and utter no BS straight to the point getting down to the nitty gritty of what I spoke spoke about today, going within into the way that you're wired, your beliefs, your values, the way you see yourself, your the world your energy, so that you don't have to go without love any longer. And before you even get into video one, there are five videos in this workshop, I'm going to have you taking action that will cause your again air quotes luck to change when it comes to finding love the links in the show notes to join and don't forget, if this is brought up anything for you. You're like, oh my god, Oh, holy moly, this could be a way forward. Or you have other questions that you want to ask me. The link is also in the show notes as well, for you to ask me questions. And I'm starting to get quite a few what are we up to episode number three, getting the questions coming in, which just fills me with excitement. I was even thinking the other day, I was like, Could I do more than a weekly podcast to get the questions in because I'm here primarily to help you like I have been where you are that place that suffering and it like it's so front of mind for you for me at the moment because like literally just today I've had about five emails from people just this morning. So I'm just at that point, like, I cannot do this anymore. It's so painful. It's so hard, like, help me. And I don't want you to have to suffer anymore. And I want to give you that way forward. So ask the questions asked for help. So I can help you. Because if you have that desire for love, then you're meant to have it all it's about is figuring out how to get there. There's a reason you found me there's a reason that you're listening to this podcast. And it's because I have a different way of doing it. I have a way of doing it that doesn't pull you down, that doesn't have you taking action that you just like the amount of people that say I just don't want to swipe anymore. It's so it's just killing me inside. You know, I'm not going to do that to you. I am not going to do that to you. It's about taking action from a really empowered, happy, joyful place because it's only from that place that you're gonna find love. So make sure you sign up for the workshop, your love life overhauled, I don't think I told you that's what it's called your love life overhaul that this really is the first step in the process that
are the framework that I take women who I work more closely with. It's a first step in that framework, so you get a really good understanding of what's involved. And it's you taking those first steps to change what it is that you're experiencing and get out of this place of just it's I'm so unlucky and I don't know what to do. This is what you do. Click the link in my show notes to join and ask me questions, ask me questions. I'm here to help you.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
