I am so excited to kick this podcast off kickoff the loved up effect podcast with this this episode because it is made for like 98% of you this is something that I see there's an undercurrent of something that I see in almost every question that I get asked, and I wanted to address that straight up. You know, obviously, you're listening to this podcast because you don't have the relationship that you want. And I really want you just to stop before we get into this episode and say, Okay, how does that actually make you feel? If you're someone and you feel like sad, you feel disappointed, you feel uncomfortable, awkward, embarrassed, even, that you don't have the relationship, you feel crap about your life, you feel like less than everybody else, you feel like your life isn't okay, then this episode was made for you. Because all of that is actually stopping you from having the relationship. So I'm going to walk you through all of that. And what you can do, because this is one of those really big blocks that I see all the time. And you don't actually realize that it's stopping you from having what it is that you want. So there's some mammoth insights, some really practical tips coming your way. So let's get into it.
Welcome to the loved up effect Podcast. I'm Emily Buckner, here to get you from demoralized and single to empowered, confident, and in the loving arms of your dream guy, if you're a smart, successful woman with a lot of love to give, but no matter what you do, how hard you try or how much you want to, you just don't seem to be getting any closer to love than you are in the right place. I'm here to answer your biggest and most frustrating questions when it comes to dating love and relationships in a way that no one else will get ready for practical, no BS and powerful A F insights that will lead you to love. Are you ready? Let's get into today's episode.
Okay, so let's get into this. I feel like crap because I don't have like the relationship. Is that you? Because it is like and you may not even realize that this is you. But hopefully this podcast episode, this episode is getting give you some really powerful insights into what's actually happening within you. Because this is actually something that I see like, it's not technically a question. But it is a kind of undercurrent that I see in probably, I would say almost all the questions that I get asked this feeling of like, because I don't have the relationship that I want. Therefore, I feel unhappy, I don't feel okay about myself, I don't feel okay about my life. And what I really want you to understand the purpose of this episode is to help you see how that like coming at life with that, that feeling of it's not okay as it is right now is actually stopping you from having that relationship that you want. You know, so if you're someone who you're like, I feel like crap, I don't feel great about myself, all of that kind of stuff, I don't feel great about my life, because I don't have the relationship, then you definitely need to listen up to what I have to say today. Because I used it and I get it. Like I totally understand it. Because I used to feel the same way myself, you know, I would look around and see all of my friends and like the most incredible relationships with really incredible people. And I was like,
looking at my love life like okay, a lot of okay, boyfriends, none of them like super incredible or exactly what I really was looking for, you know, relationships that didn't kind of go anywhere single a lot of the time. So it was always kind of like kick comparing myself to them and say, Well, what is what is wrong with me? Like, there must be something wrong with me. If I don't have that person in coming into my life that's like, holy moly, I think you're incredible. I think you're awesome. Then, you know, my way of thinking was like, okay, that must mean that there's something wrong with me. And I felt really uncomfortable. I spent a long time feeling horribly uncomfortable, but the fact that I was single, like late in my 20s Early in my 30s
because I thought that then, you know, I was thinking, Okay, this means that there's something wrong with me. And I was like, Oh my gosh, everybody else must be thinking the same thing too. Like, there must be something wrong with her if she doesn't have that relationship by now. Oh, my God, there must be something wrong with her. So I had a lot of that kind of sense of like, I'm not okay, because I don't have the relationship. And really that kind of sense. Because, you know, like, I think most of us do. You grow up thinking okay, I'm gonna meet someone in my 20s my 30s whatever it happens to be your kind of vision, you know, the way that you think things are gonna turn out for you and it's like, okay, it's gonna happen and I'll be we'll create a life together, have a family do the whole like the whole thing that you kind of just picture that's going to happen
And, and when it doesn't sort of happen, it's like, okay, this isn't the life that I wanted for myself. And I spent quite a few years in that sort of place where I was like this by now I thought I was not going to be living by myself. Yeah, it's like, even now just talking about this, like I vividly vividly recall, like walking to work. So often thinking like, Is this really my life, I go to work, I kind of come home, sometimes I see some friends and stuff. But like, I leave alone, I didn't think that this was going to be where I was sad. And it's hard not to have that kind of those sorts of feelings come up, where it's like, this isn't the life that I chose for myself. You know, and I had that think I often was saying to myself, like, why is Why does everybody else get what I actually want? Like, why does everybody was so easy for everybody else. And here I am. Without the thing that I want most in my life, like that relationship, that life, but you know, having a family together and doing all of those kinds of things.
So I really felt like not great about my life and the way that it looks, because it wasn't how I how I wanted it to look. And I guarantee that so many of you listening, feel the same like, because this is what I hear so often. You know, from all the women that I've been working with in the last four years, like 10s of 1000s, through my free training events, and all that kind of stuff, there's always this undercurrent of like, I don't like how things are. And I think the thing is, and I'll go into this more, because I know even now, probably me saying this, I know there's gonna be some of you like I had a resistance to this whole concept to for quite a while. And I know some of you are probably yelling at me right now. But I don't like this, like, I don't like this. This isn't the life that I've chosen for myself. And we'll get into that very soon. But the thing that most women don't realize is that when you're responding to what life has given you like your reality, right now, when you're responding to it with that resistance, where it's like, I don't want this, then that actually just keeps you stuck. So resistance really is like refusing to say yes, or accept where you're at right now. And there's that quote, or that saying, I don't know where it's coming from, that's out there everywhere. What you resist persists. And there's like,
so much resistance to that I used to have. But when you understand this holy crap, you start actually working with life. And we'll get all into this, but it absolutely changes what you're experiencing right now. So really kind of start to grasp your head around this kind of idea. Or ask yourself this question like, Are you resisting? What is? Are you resisting the life that you have right now without the relationship? Are you saying I don't want this? Are you like, I feel like crap, because I don't have the relationship. I don't like life. I don't like what my life looks like, because I don't have the relationship. And yeah, you may have parts that you love, like, you know, I love my career, my friends, all of that kind of stuff. But there was always this undercurrent of like, there's this big black hole, this big kind of bit that's missing, and it's making me feel crappy about the rest of my life. So really start to say, Are you resisting? Like, that's really the first question I want you to ask yourself, are you resisting? What actually is? And I want you to understand to like, I get it, I totally get it. Because you want to have the relationship, don't you? So it makes sense. Like it just from a logical kind of perspective, it makes sense that if you don't have the relationship, then you're not going to feel great without it. You know, and there's nothing wrong with that either. Like saying, okay, yeah, my life looks this way right now. But I would prefer it to look different, like, you know, we all have goals, we all have, like, you know, things that we want to experience in life, like, you know, getting to those next stages and all of that kind of stuff. Like obviously, we always are like, Okay, I want something more, I want something better, and that's a okay. But where it does become a problem is when you start to say, I don't like what I have right now, when you start to say things like, I'll be happy when I have the relationship. I'll feel okay. When I have the relationship. I used to actually say to myself, I look back down like that. You actually say to yourself, like, okay, when I have the relationship, I'll do all these things. Like when I have the relationship, I'll finally feel like I'm able to live my life. And what I want you to understand, like I was saying all of that stuff, like I'll be happy when I have the relationship I'll feel okay when I have the relationship. I'll start really living my life when I have the relationship and this really is the same as saying, I cannot be happy feel okay, I cannot really live my life right now. Because I don't have the relationship which is the same as just choosing
Like, it's literally the choosing to be unhappy to feel like crap right now because you don't have what it is that you want in your life. And what I really want you to understand, and I think this is the this is like the big kind of kicker, when you understand this, it kind of like, unlocks the rest of it, a relationship is never going to change that a relationship is never going to change that. And I can feel some of you already with the resistance to that where it's like, no relationship is gonna make me so happy. What a relationship does, it's only going to highlight your unhappiness and you're feeling not okayness right now, you know, and just think about this, like, think about how this actually plays out in your life, when you get into a relationship now, or you just even think of some of the previous relationships that you had, you know, if you're not feeling okay, now, if you're like, Okay, this relationship is the frickin key to my happiness, this is a relationship, this relationship is going to make me feel okay about myself. Like, just look at the relationships that you've had, like, how did they end up, and this is one of the really common things that I see. And that a pattern that I got stuck in to was like, okay, my happiness is dependent on me finding this relationship, how I feel about myself is dependent on finding a relationship. But then it meant that taking all of that into a relationship, it brings out all this stuff that just ends up like totally fucking up the relationship, you know, freaking out about things, your anxiety takes over, you know, all of that sort of stuff, where, you know, it's like, I used to have situations like that happened to me all the time, where it's like, okay, this person is now in my life and like, and you're straightaway, like, Okay, do you like me Are we committed relationship, like the pressure is all on, because it's like this, like your happiness is riding on the success of this relationship and how this person interacts with you. So you're putting all this pressure on, you know, it's you, it's literally you making your happiness dependent on what someone else does or doesn't do, you know, it's like saying to them, you have to treat me in a certain way, you have to act in a certain way, in order for me to feel okay, it's the same as you saying to another person, my happiness needs to be more important than anything else, like of your own, you know, it's putting all your happiness, your how you feel about yourself, it's putting the responsibility of that on someone else's shoulders. And the second you do that, like, that is not a recipe for a good relationship. So just kind of even take a minute to kind of reflect on the relationships that you've had in your recent past, where it's like, Okay, I'm coming at life from this, like, I have to have the relationship to feel okay. When you come at the relationships with dad, like, they never go, Well, do they? It just highlights like, you know, you end up if you're someone like I used to be where it was, like a care of feel less than, like, I need this relationship in order to feel okay about myself, you know, I'd end up in these kind of relationships with people that would never really commit to me that wouldn't, like, you know, show up in a way that I wanted them to show up, and it just highlighted and just kind of exacerbated that feeling for me of not being okay, you know, all of that sort of stuff. Or it was like that sense of like life is just not working out the way I want it to, it's not really what I want. And I just continually attract these relationships that weren't or these guys weren't actually what I wanted, either. So what I really want you to understand is just starting to kind of grasp this concept and see how this is playing out in your own life. You know, when you're coming at life with this, like, I'm unhappy because I or I'll be happy when I have the relationship. I feel like crap right now because I don't have the relationship. Hell, then it just you're taking that into relationships, and you're not getting what you want anyway. And I really want you to even consider this from another perspective.
You know, that when you look at people who are in relationships, like just kind of think of all the people that you know, that are in relationships, they're not all like not every single person who's in a relationship right now. They're not all happy, feeling confident in who they are. They're not completely blissful, either. Like friction,
you know, and even those relationships where you're like, oh my gosh, like, that's the kind of relationship that I want. You look up to those relationships. They don't feel that way. It's not blissful, happy, joyful, you know, everybody, they're feeling amazing about themselves all the time either. And this is what I really want you to understand that relationships. They aren't the key to happiness and feeling okay about yourself. You are the key to your happiness and feeling okay about yourself. And until you feel that now until you are like okay, I'm happy with what I have now.
until you get out of that resistance of what is, you know, you do a lot of that inner work. And we'll talk about this in this episode as well.
Until you really start to say, Okay, I've got to prioritize my own happiness and how I feel about myself now, the relationship isn't going to do shit, it's only going to make how like, amplify how it is that you feel now, you're going to stay stuck experiencing the exact same stuff. And I guarantee I guarantee that you're in that kind of pattern where it's like I'm constantly attracting the same kind of relationships, the same kind of guys that you know, the situation ships or it's like four months down the track, and I don't know where I stand and I'm all confused. And then they say they don't actually want what I want Baba Baba. Like that kind of pattern. It's because of this stuff that's happening, that undercurrent of what's going on within you. That's keeping you stuck, where, where you are. So going back to this idea of resistance, because I think it's really important that we talk more about how this actually works.
Like when you're saying to yourself, I don't like what I have right now I don't have the relationships so therefore I don't like you know my reality right now then that is you and I want you to understand this that is you fighting what is that's you fighting your life right now. That's you fighting reality. It's like that resistance, that refusal to kind of accept what it is that you have right now. And fighting Life will always keep you stuck. Like, you fight live. You ain't moving anywhere. This is where you're going to stay. And like I said, like I spent like so many weeks months, I don't know, it was probably it was probably even years just walking to work doing the same thing saying like, life is like, is this it? And I was fighting? What is it's like, is this really it? And that's how you get stuck in that like, same monotonous like, when is anything ever going to change? For me? It's because of what you're actually bringing to life. You know, that kind of?
Yeah, whether or not you're fighting it, or you're in that kind of place of resistance. Um, it was actually really interesting what I was thinking about doing this podcast episode,
I actually took the kids for a bike ride. So I have a four year old son and a six year old daughter.
They're kind of, they're a lot like me, pretty ambitious, stubborn, potentially a bit competitive. You know, it's like, this is what I want. And I'm kind of having it, which is always a lot of fun.
But my four year old, he was mad, just a furious. Every time my six year old, she rode her bike past him and he'd like start to scratch his nose. And she'd be like, Okay, see you later. Not even like a main kind of way, which was unusual for her. Usually she's like, let's see where I can, how I can, you know, stir him up. But she was just riding past him. And he was just getting more and more infuriated. And there was this moment where he got off his bike, he was crying, he was yelling, he was screaming, he was like, come back. You know, this is not fair. You have to go behind me this whole thing.
And so I said to him, I was like, Well, okay, like you can choose like, you have a choice here in this moment. Like, you can yell, scream, cry, have a big old tantrum, like you can do that. But what's that actually changing for you?
She's not coming back. And you're here. She's just getting further and further and further away yelling and screaming, it's not stopping her. You're behind and she's way off in the distance now. Like it's literally making things worse. And like, I loved it, I absolutely loved it. Because I was like, I don't know if he's gonna get this. But he actually was like, Okay, you got a point mom didn't say it like that. But he literally stopped screaming wipe the tears off his eyes and he got pedaling like a madman and actually caught up to her.
Later, we had a whole conversation about like, competitiveness, and that it's a okay, not to win, but that's a whole other story. But it was really like kind of a highlight. And it was a good lesson to me because I have those moments to where I'm like, I don't like this shit.
This is annoying. I'm feeling frustrated. But it's in those kinds of moments where it's like, okay, well is this actually helping me? Is this actually helping me change what it is that I'm experiencing right now? You know hating life because you don't have the relationship doesn't actually change anything except how you feel? Like all it does is make you feel like crap.
You know, feeling crap about yourself feeling like your life isn't what you wanted it to be because, you know, feeling all disappointed about everything because someone hasn't chosen you. Like, that doesn't then mean that somebody's actually going to choose you does it? It's like a really disempowering kind of cycles situation to kind of get into because, you know, and I've been there myself, I spent ages in this kind of place where it's like getting more and more fresh.
traded with life because no matter what I was doing, I wasn't getting any closer to life, love, like, you know, doing all of the things, putting the effort in wanting a hot wanting it more than anything, and I was doing all of the things that you're supposed to do. And it still wasn't happening for me. And it's happening for everybody else. And, you know, I used to remember I sometimes get so frustrated be like, Why is life so frickin mean to me, you know, but then you get stuck in this place where not only do you feel terrible, like you feel it's awful, feeling frustrated, you're having the kind of tantrums screaming, all of like just feeling like you're just banging your head up against a wall, the disappointment, the pain that comes with it. But it doesn't actually help you move forward. It's so disempowering, because you're like, I'm just there's nothing I can do. And what I want to say to like this is a big kind of point in this all is that I'm not saying don't feel disappointed, sad crap, all of those things. This isn't about like, what do they call it emotional bypassing and saying, like, you know, you cannot feel those things, like feel it all have those moments, I'm all about having those moments of frustration, letting it all out. But what I'm saying is bring awareness to how it is that you're feeling. And realizing that all this stuff that's happening within you, it's actually what is determining what it is that you experience in your reality. So feel it all, but then say okay, like, get it up and out. I'm all about like, get it up and out, bring awareness to what's happening there, and then start to ask the questions. Okay. Is this actually good? How, how is this helping me? Is this getting me to where it is that I want to be?
And even going into that, like, understanding how life works works is like, absolutely mind blowing. You know, this isn't something that we're actually taught in school. And this is like, my, what I really bring to the women that I work with is understanding how life works. And then when you understand how life works, you're able to create what it is that you want, it becomes this incredibly empowering experience. So this isn't shit that we're taught in school ever. And I had this massive moment. I talked about it in the kind of welcome introduction episode.
But I just been ghosted by a guy that I was like so convinced was the one I was like, this is finally it for me all my friends are like it's finally it for you. Emily was so so excited for you went on this, like, it was literally like a holiday out of the bachelor horse riding through the Canadian Rocky Mountains, Hawaii, all the stuff. You know, he was so different from anybody I'd ever dated before. Anyway, we get home and just go see me.
Joe, just to me, it floored me. It absolutely floored me.
But like I said, I won't go into too many details about the whole thing. But like driving home one day from my parents house having dinner with him. And I just got to this, like kind of breaking point where I was like, What do I have to do? I remember literally crying screaming in the car being like, what do I have to do? Why is this so hard for me? What do I need to know? And I know it sounds ridiculous. But I got home I picked up a book that I like just was like, I'm gonna pick this book up. It was just one of those inspired action kind of moments was a book a friend had given me years before never read it, but the book The Alchemist, and that was my moment reading that book. My mind was absolutely blown, where I was like, Okay, I didn't get that this is how life works.
That was my big moment. And I know there's so many women, and this is my mission is to give you that big moment to where it's like, oh, there's a whole other way to do this. And I love the quote, because, you know, I got into the Alchemist and then podcasts and other books and all this kind of stuff got deep into all of Eckhart tolle's works, but he has this epic quote, I think from the Power of Now, when you start saying yes to life, just see oh, no, I'm gonna totally so I just noted everybody, I always stuff quotes up. The quote is vaguely like this, though. When you start saying yes to life, just see how life starts saying yes to you, is the general theme of the quote, that's not word for word.
But it's literally like when you start kind of working with live, then live honestly, will shift and change in a way that's just like, it feels magical. Like as cliche and weird as that sound, it literally does feel magical. So how do you start actually working with live? It's really interesting actually. I'm going through a big revisit myself of all the universal laws. And actually I'm going to be putting together very shortly a workshop on the universal laws. So stay tuned for all of that. But the universal laws and it can sound like I had a lot of resistance to like learning all this stuff. I must say back in the day, too. I was like, physics or like weird math.
mumbo jumbo. But the universal laws really have come about, like, it's just merely from observations about how life works over the last however many centuries, there's thought to be like, there's 12, that I kind of have been pulled out. And it's like, okay, these, this really does describe, you know, what happens in life, how life actually works, how nature works, all of that kind of stuff, it's really, really similar to like the law of gravity, like, you don't have to believe it or understand it to have it actually work in your life. Like, you know, kids don't understand the law of gravity, but it happens to them. Or you see them fall over, stuff, drop all of that kind of stuff. So these laws really describe the way that life works. And when you understand these laws, then you can actually work with life to create what it is that you want.
And honestly, what your reality will change in the most magical of ways. I like to think of also like learning the universal laws and understanding how life works, it's really the same as like thinking of us as in a game. And it's like, until you understand how life works. You don't know how to play the game.
You know, it's like, okay, what are we doing? What's the actual goal? How do I even get there? How do I when all of that kind of stuff. And when you start to kind of look at Universal Laws, when you start to look at how you create your own reality, all of a sudden, you get the rules of the game that's like, Oh, I know what I need to do now in order to have what it is that you want. And I mean, you can even think of it it was like anytime you actually do something new, so I have a new obsession with doing reformer Pilates, so on like the rack machine, it looks like a rack.
But you know, like the first time you go do something new like that, it's like you need someone to help you and explain how to you know what springs to use, and like, you know, set up before you pull the thing, because otherwise you're going to face plant, like you need someone to kind of explain these things to you. So really, also want you to use this podcast and use me to help you figure all of this stuff out. Anyway, so going back to life in general.
It's really all about going within. So hopefully you kind of have a sense of that now where it's like, okay, you can ask these questions about, okay, this is what I'm finding really frustrating. But there's stuff happening at that deeper level, there's stuff happening within you. And you have to really understand what's happening with in you. Because then you then it's from there that you understand how you're actually playing that game, if that kind of makes sense. It's like, you know, when you first go to reformer Pilates, it's like, Okay, I've got to understand that this is how my body actually moves.
In order to then move it better to plat to do to play to, you know, successfully do pilates and the way that you're supposed to do it in the way that it works for you. So hopefully, that kind of makes sense. But it's about understanding where you're at right now, what's happening within you how you're actually kind of playing with life, what your, how you're responding to life right now. So then you can actually shift and change that in order to have and move towards what it is that you want.
So honestly, and this is what I want you to understand. If you're feeling like crap, because you don't have the relationship, you're feeling like crap about life, you're feeling like crap about yourself, then you're gonna stay stuck until you go within until you go within and you start to say, okay, how can I start to shift this? What do I actually need to do? How can I start saying yes to life? So life start saying yes, to me, and even taking some of the universal laws,
which I think are going to be really helpful for you just like, I'm not gonna go deep into them. I'll save that for another day. But just on this conversation that we're having right now, like the law of correspondence, that law states that your reality is a reflection of your intent in your internal state, so your thoughts and your emotions. So if you're coming at life, and you're saying, Okay, I like I don't like my life, because I don't have the relationship. That's exactly what you're going to keep experiencing. You're going to keep not having the relationship and keep not liking life, like you're just gonna get more of what it is that you don't want more of what actually keeps you stuck in that same place. You know, the law of cause and effect you reap what you sow,
you know, so if you say, I don't like my life, I don't feel okay as I am or I don't feel okay without the relationship. You know, life is gonna give you more of that. More situations that just highlight the fact that you don't feel okay. The law of vibration and the Law of Attraction really, they work hand in hand together. You know, like attracts like, you know, we're all Mata, we're all energy that's at a certain vibration and we attract what is a vibrational match to us. So if you're coming at life, what's happening with
Then you is like feeling anxious feeling despair, feeling powerlessness, feeling disappointment, if that's how you're generally feeling, especially when it comes to your love life, that's what you're attracting more of the guys that just make you feel freaking hopeless, you know, situations that leave you feeling powerless, all of that sort of stuff, the law of compensation, you know, devaluing yourself because you don't have the relationship, you know, you then attract relationships that value in value you in the same way. So if you don't feel great about yourself, you know, you're just going to attract guys that reflected that back to you. So hopefully, you're starting to understand how what's happening within you, is like the most essential thing, you got to understand that and then it's from there from inside you, all of that stuff that's happening, you know, that we then do the work to create those sorts of changes. So life changes, what you experience in your reality actually changes as well.
Super handy anyway, to understand the universal laws, stay tuned, I will have a workshop coming up pretty soon. But it is all about understanding how life works. And that, you know, really realizing, and this is what I'm all about too, is really realizing how powerful you are when you actually work within those universal laws when you understand how life works.
Because then that's how you actually create what it is that you want. You know, I used to feel so powerless. I used to feel so like I said, I would say all the time, it was just kind of like one of those automatic thoughts that I had come up was like, Why is life so mean to me, I used to say, gah, brings up so much in me, like just now just remembering it. But I always used to say stuff like, No, I'm not. I'm a really nice person. I'm trying so hard. Why is life so friggin mean to me? Why do I never have what it is that I want? Why do I never have that relationship? You know, and when you're saying that, like that is just a really powerless place to be. And I didn't realize that being in that place just kept me stuck in that place. You know, life is just following your lead. It's responding to you. It's responding to what's happening within you. And it's really about realizing, and this is why I want to have this conversation straight up. Because I want you to understand that it's ultimately you that creates your reality. You know, life is how it's created and how it's experienced. But it's you you're in the driver's seat, you have so much power and this is what I want you to realize. There's also this quote from Eckhart Tolle, life is the dancer and you are the dance and it used to I used to, I was like, Dude, you got to backwards.
Like life is the dance life is the dance. And I'm the dance. I'm like, What are you talking about? But it's not. I took me a long time. Like I spent, like probably about a whole day just like what does that mean?
But it's ultimately, like I said, it's ultimately you that creates your reality, it's life. It's through life that you experience it. So how to tell life what to dance. Like, if you're that dance, and you're like, Okay, life, this is what I want you to dance, how you tell it, what to dance is through things like the universal laws, through understanding what's happening within you, and working with the way that life actually works. It's also about appreciating that power that you have to create your reality, like empowerment, one of my core values and empowering you is like, what I'm all about to really get you stepping into that driver's seat and saying, Okay, getting out of that really powerless place where I was like, There's nothing I can do, I'm never going to find love and saying, Okay, you're in control, dude, you're in control here is what you do, like, here is what you do. And it feels incredible, because I know so many of
so many of you are women that like success, so successful in other areas of your life. And I was the same way I was like I can, I can have everything in every other area. But this one, it just like what, and it's about stepping into a different kind of empowerment here. It's like I'm gonna create what it is that I want. I'm gonna work with life, I'm gonna like us, you know what everybody's figured out before me like the universal laws like subconscious work, like energy, work, all of that kind of stuff, to create what it is that I want.
So understanding the power that you have, it's also about Sorry, I had like 100 different thoughts going through my mind. But it's also understanding not only how life works, but also how your reality and how you create your reality. So like you're creating your future right now as I speak. And this is kind of like foundational understanding that I come back to all the time not only for myself, but in like everything I teach in the loved up effect. But your reality is is literally created by you by what's happening in your subconscious by your intern.
programming you can call it you know, your beliefs, identities, values, all of those sorts of things, that kind of stuff. So what I'm getting into this more in future episodes, but just to give you a really quick understanding of how it is you create your reality, like your thoughts. So what you think day to day, if you're saying, okay, like, I, you know, I feel like crap because I don't have the relationship, I feel like crap, I'm there must be something wrong with me because I don't have the relationship, those are the thoughts that you're having. And before that, we won't go into this too much. But before that, your beliefs, your identities, all of that subconscious programming, which then creates the thoughts that you have. And when you're thinking things like that. So if you're thinking, okay, there must be something wrong with me, I don't have the relationship right now, then that actually creates feelings within you. So feelings, like if you're saying that to yourself, you're probably feeling pretty crap about yourself, you're feeling like less than you're feeling unworthy, you're feeling like, oh, like not great about yourself unhappy, disappointed, all of those kinds of things, then it's important to understand that your feelings actually determine the action that you take, you know, so those feelings of like, okay, probably a lot of insecurity, all of that kind of stuff, insecure, disappointed in yourself, all of those sorts of things. You think about when you feel that way? What kind of action are you going to be taking, when you're out there dating? Do you feel insecure? Are you really going to be showing up on dates? Like, are you going to be wanting to date at all, probably trying to avoid it a little bit like you're not, you're going to be like, oh, yeah, I don't really want to put myself out there, you know, you're going to be trying to hide yourself. And doing all those kinds of things, like I've got to look a certain way, I've got to wear red, I've got to like, have my hair down, I've got to be more attractive, I've got to lose the weight, doing all of that kind of stuff, I've got to be less needy, I've got to not put my needs out there, I've got to not initiate content, like, there is so much stuff you can do isn't there, all BS, by the way, but you're doing all of those things. And it's like a really sucky way to date, you're not gonna get the results that you want, you're gonna have the same kind of situations that make you feel like you're going to maybe have gone a couple of dates, but it's not going to go the way that you want it to. And it's going to just reinforce those thoughts and those beliefs that you have that, you know, there's something wrong with you.
So hopefully, this kind of makes sense. This is how your reality is actually created through your thoughts, while starting with your beliefs, your identity values, all that stuff that's happening in your subconscious, they create your thoughts that creates your feelings, your feelings, determine the actions, you take the actions, determine the results that you get, those results really just reinforce what's already happening. So it all starts, I really want you to understand this will be saying there's a lot, it all starts with what's happening within you. And then you do that conscious work with, you know, what's happening at the very beginning, in your subconscious programming, your beliefs, your values, your thoughts, those, all of that kind of stuff. When you do that conscious work, rewiring, those, you know, you look at how it is that you feel the emotions that you have the energy that you're bringing, you do the work their conscious work there to shift that, and then changing the action that you take. So it's not all that shit that you think you have to do. And it comes from a place of like, actual alignment with what it is that you want, then you get different results, you change your reality. So I really want you to understand, you know, like this is a combination. You know, if you feel this way with this, this is a big episode, guys I'm hitting are hitting you with a lot straight up. But I really want you to understand that if you want to have that relationship, it's about going within, it's about really understanding what's happening within you understanding the power that you have to create your reality. And working with life, the way that life actually works. It's how you get to where it is that you want to be, you know,
feel free to let all of this marinate for a little while and come back to this episode. Again, I think for a lot of you, this is probably something that's like clicking into place, you know, and if it hasn't clicked into place for you yet, it will like, there is a reason that you are listening to this podcast, you're ready to hear all of this. So if you're like, Okay, this is kind of making sense, but I'm not totally sure and like what, like let it just sit for a while and come back to it. Come back to it. And I also want to add a little note into that as well. Like, desperation is the biggest motivator for change. You know, there's a reason that you're listening to this podcast right now. There's a reason that you're listening to me right now. Like, this is not a mistake. This is not a mistake at all. There's like life will push you to learn exactly what it is that you need to learn to have what it is that you want. You know, you want to have that epic relationship and life's like okay, well here's what you need to learn to get there.
And a lot of people like kinda Listen, they're not totally ready for it yet. They're like, Okay, that was nice, Emily, nice to know you. I'll be back later I'll figure this out on my own.
But don't actually put all of this into practice and go back out there and have the exact same results dating where it's like, you know, the gazal, like attracting absolute NO ONE attracting all the jerks. Like just like what, like, there's nobody left today, all of those kinds of experiences, another relationship, that's exactly the same as the last five relationships and come back to me and say, okay, yeah, it's only getting worse and worse, and worse and worse. And this is what I experienced, I feel like, life was trying to give me this message for a very long time. Like, here's how you actually live life, you know, step into this place of power, start learning how to create your own reality, like, this is the key to life, this is what you do. And I wasn't paying attention wasn't paying attention wasn't paying attention. So life was like, Dude, we're gonna do something to make this chick pay attention. Let's send her Mr. Right, have him ghost her. So she really pays attention, you know, you have to hit that point of absolute. Sometimes you have to hit that point of like, rock bottom, the lowest of the low that debt like place of just desperation, which is how I felt I was like, What the hell do I need to do.
And it becomes that big motivator for change, because it's like, I'm not going back there. So roundabout way of saying, like, if you are listening to this now, then this message is for you. And if you don't kind of pick it up now, like, you'll be picking it up, eventually, you'll probably have to get to a place of more desperation to you like, Okay, I'm really, really, really ready to listen. So before I kind of wrap up this episode, I really want you to get give you some practical steps to take because we're talking very, like kind of conceptual stuff today. And I'm all about making stuff practical. You know, because I don't think many people do this. It's like, oh, here are all these like big old concepts about the way to live life. But it's like, you're left kind of saying, Well, what do I do? Like it's, you know, Friday afternoon, like, should I do something like, how do I actually put this into, like, practice in my life?
And that's exactly how I used to feel. I was like, Okay, there's all this stuff. That's really interesting. But how do I actually like translate that from a concept into stuff that I can actually do that creates change in my life. And this is what I love doing more than anything. The feedback I always get about my program, the loved up effect, is really like holy crap. It is so insanely practical. I'm not about like, let's stay in the concepts. Let's get to the practical action, so you can get the results that you want.
So let's get down. Oh, sorry. Just knock the thing over. Sorry. Not that, you know.
But yes, the first step. So like I said, the very first step is all about bringing awareness to what's happening within you. So the first step of the left up effects. So the left up effect, I don't think I've said this, loved up effect is my proven framework. So I've had now like, or 100, cut back to being over 200 women through the lub dub effect. In the last four years, it's been like, literally nine years, I have been creating the lub dub effect as, like the framework that you follow to put all these concepts that I've been talking about into action, really practical, action based, super focused. And it's proven because so many of the women that have gone through the lub dub effect, you know, now married, starting families engaged in relationships, like it changes everything for people.
But step number one of the Luftwaffe effects. So there are three steps to the loved up effect number one being released yourself, which is all energy focus, really looking within and what's happening within you, and then releasing a lot of that from an energetic perspective. Number two is then the next step, which is saying, Okay, I've got all this happening within I have a lot of this energy, here's a lot of the general kind of patterns, the things the stuff that keeps coming up for you specifically. So it's going to be different for all of us. And this is why this process and this framework that I have is so effective is because it's looking, you know, helping you do this for yourself specifically for you. So inside element two, it's all taking what comes up for you in LA in step number one, release yourself and saying, Okay, well, these are the big kind of themes, the big kind of triggers that I have the big beliefs that I have that keep coming up. Then going into step number two, which is love yourself, go into your subconscious not only to really pull out what it is that your soul desires, so make sure you're really clear about this is the relationship this is the life that I want, but then going deep into your subconscious and removing a lot of the blocks
that we have that stop us from finding love, like feeling like crap because you don't have the relationship.
But a lot of those beliefs, you know, I'm not worthy of love, I don't believe it's actually going to happen for me, all of that kind of stuff, releasing a lot of those stepping into new a new identity, all of these stuff that allows you to really create and step into that love that you want. And then Step number three is be yourself. And it's really focused on the action that you take. You know, you'll hear me say this a lot to the dating advice that you get, like mainstream dating advice, it's all like, go on this app, write this shit on your profile, make sure you wait three hours before you reply to a message, don't initiate contact where this on a first day Don't say that. It's all B S. And you know, it doesn't actually work. Like nobody can tell you the actual action steps that you need to take to find your dream relationship because it's unique to you. Like, there's no one way that people find love. There's so like, there is no one way just like your dream relationship is unique to you. You're unique, like your dream relationship is unique to you, the steps that you need to take to get there are unique to you and be yourself is all about finding out what those steps are for you. So insanely powerful, all about the line to action. Anywho. I digress. So inside, step one, release yourself. And this is really the where it all begins is bringing awareness to what's actually happening within you. You know, because with self awareness comes all the knowledge that you need, about what you need to do to having have the loving relationship that you want. It's like saying, Okay, well, this is where I'm at, okay, I now know what work I need to do what steps I need to take what I need to release what I need to clear, you know, in or what I need to bring in, in order to have what it is that I want. You know, like, if you feel less than everyone else, you know, you're gonna have all kinds of stuff happening at you know, like, I feel less than everybody else, because I don't have the relationship, then you're going to have all kinds of stuff happening, that identity in that belief level. And then that's what we clear inside love yourself, no clearer energetically. When we clear in love yourself from a subconscious level and energetically in release yourself, you know, and then ultimately, that changes the action that you take to find love. Hopefully, that will make sense for you. Let me know if you have questions. But it all starts observing. And I really want to make this very clear. It all starts observing without judgment. So it's not about saying, Oh, god, look at you, which is what a lot of us do. You're so frustrated. You're hating life, you're resisting life. And now you're making it even worse. That's so often where our minds go, like, hands up those who would say that you are your biggest critic like that's you big note to you. It's about observing what's happening within you without judgment, like literally without judgment, just saying, oh, okay, I'm feeling like crap right now. Like, you know, even me, that's how I said, walking to work every day, I'd be like, is this it? Is this is and in that moment, observing that is literally just me saying, Wow, Emily, you're feeling really crap about your life right now. You're feeling really likes down about it, is literally just observing. There's no judgment there. It's just saying, Hey, this is how I'm actually feeling. So what I want you to do, because awareness, like I said, awareness is the key to everything. And when you start to bring awareness, like it's like a frickin snowball, like you start bringing awareness, it's just going to grow and grow and grow and grow. But you have to kind of start off by doing it yourself. So I really encourage you and I still do this every now and then myself, set an alarm on your phone, or some kind of way of reminding yourself, just to kind of check in with what's happening within you. And just say to yourself, like, the alarm goes off, or you say, okay, you know, in the morning, I'm going to wake up and say, How do I feel right now to say, how do I feel in this moment? You know, when you're scrolling on your through social media, and you see like, you know, a friend that just got engaged or wedding photos, or someone's having a baby, you know, and you know that that often brings up a lot of those triggering kind of feelings or triggers a lot of those sorts of feelings. Just say, how do I actually feel? How do I actually feel? Like God I can even just asking that I can feel that emotion. How do I feel in this moment? What am I bringing to this moment?
Now, is it love? Is it joy is acceptance, or is it car? Is it calm? Or is it worry anxiety, resistance, sadness, disappointment, really just start to bring this kind of awareness, just observe what's happening from a third person perspective, and I'd love for you to let me know what comes up for you
You so I love it, send me a DM on Instagram and email whatever really works for you. But this is how you start to change everything. You know you shift all the crap that you're experiencing right now that you don't want to be experiencing this is how you actually start to move forward is by starting to understand what's happening within you. So just take some time this is your homework for the next week. Take some time just observing without judgment, what's happening within you feel free to write it down. I think sometimes that's really helpful just to be like in this moment, this is how I feel when you have those moments where you like there's a lot of emotion here just say, What am I bringing to this emotion a moment? What am I bringing to this moment, frustration, annoyance?
absolute joy.
Just start to bring awareness and let me know what comes up for you. And so this brings episode number one official episode number one to a close. I hope you found this helpful. I would love it if you left me a review. If you have any questions, let me know. Also, if you have any questions of your own that you would like answered, there's a link below. Because like I said in the intro in the welcome episode, this podcast is for you guys for you to ask me the big your biggest questions where it's like, oh my god, like, oh, how do I move past this? So make sure you ask me because I'll answer on the podcast. I can keep it anonymous if you want. That's a okay or a okay, too.
And then if you're someone and you're like, Okay, you have this question, you're wondering, you're like, Am I too old to find love? Am I running out of time? Has the opportunity passed? Because I'm 3035 4025 whatever the age is for you. If you're wondering if you're too old to find love, then that is the question that I am going to be answering next week. Hope to see you there or not see you there hope that you will listen to me then.
Otherwise, I would love it if you left me a review. Let me know if you have any questions and let me know what comes up for you. When you ask yourself how do I feel in this moment? What am I bringing to this moment? Thank you so much for listening. I'm loving this.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
